I Called You Mine

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Riley's POV

When I come home from Blake's house Thursday afternoon mom is clearly fuming. She has been angry with me the entire week, but I know I'm in for it based on every tiny action she does. I channel all my energy into pretending I'm not really here, but I'm just so tired of fighting.

"What am I doing that pisses you off so much?" I ask

"That shouldn't even be a question Riley" Mom says, "You act like you think I just don't care about you by never telling me anything. It's a two way street Riley. Don't even think about saying how I treat you and Izabel differently, because I know I do. I love both of you, but do you love me?"

"Mom I—"

"I was putting away your laundry when I found a bag packed. You planning to run away you think I'm that bad?" Mom yells, almost crying now, but she has never cried in an argument, "I'm trying my best okay Riley? This is how my parents raised me, and that's why I try so hard to prove I'm a good mom because I know this is ineffective and—"

I take my done down several notches, "If you're trying your best, why does Izzy seem to be treated so much better?" 

"Because Izzy's two and a half, if she defies me she stops eventually because she still needs me" Mom says, tears rolling down her face, "but you're going to be fourteen in a month, you are capable of taking care of yourself as long as you have money. I yell at you because I don't know how to control teenage rebellion without screaming." 

I never had this kind of conversation with my mom, because we started to fight when I turned eight. I was too young to know my mom's full story before the fights, plus what would I do with that information? Then we started fighting and I wasn't interested in hearing it, because even though my mom is younger than many neighborhood moms, I didn't think that she was once a kid too. 

"It started when I was eleven maybe." Mom says, "I was growing up and started to question why my parents were the way they were, which led to countless fights and nights that I never came home. Slamming my old flip phones shut when my parents demanded to know where I was. My father would hit me when I eventually came home." 

"He hit you?" I say

"It's still legal in Georgia if you do it barehanded, be glad I didn't take that from him." Mom says with a laugh, "Anyways, peak of my teen rebellion was when I was fourteen and got a boyfriend behind their backs. They didn't know I had a boyfriend, let alone that I was pregnant with you, until my bump started showing about a year and a half later." Mom rubs my hair. 

Fourteen with a secret boyfriend, kind of like how she doesn't even know I'm gay, let alone that Blake is my kind-of-girlfriend now. Now that we're maybe getting past the fighting, should I tell her? I've just assumed she was homophobic because she wanted me to be "perfect" but there's so much I didn't know about her. 

"Once they found out I was pregnant at sixteen they threw me out of the house. It was hard keeping up in school while pregnant and living out of the tiny car they bought me for my sixteenth birthday, and I failed sophomore year twice." Mom says, "You know this part, how I couch surfed after you were born because I'd be arrested if you were left in a hot car and I needed to graduate high school for that little extra pay boost."

"Yeah" I say, "but you didn't have to couch surf much since I was a good sleeper because I was born with profound hearing loss."

"I thank god everyday for that because I think I'd run out of places if you cried too much" Mom says, "Eventually I turned eighteen and we moved into that apartment. I regret leaving you alone there so much when you were little since all we do now is fight about it."

"We wouldn't be fighting if Izzy and I had the same childhood" I say, then realizing how stupid it sound to ask Izzy to have a fucked up childhood. Mom couldn't have done any different for me, the only thing that could've changed was how hard she worked to get us out. "Actually, no. It's fine"

"And can you stop calling your stepfather my sugar daddy? I know he's older than me but I didn't choose him exclusively for his money." Mom says

"But money played a part?" I say, eyebrow raised-ish. I'm not that good at raising my eyebrows.

"Of course it did!" Mom says, "I was a twenty-four year old living in poverty with my eight year old daughter as my best friend." 

It was the end of the worst years of my life to talk to my mom and finally understand her. She vowed that she would try to be a better mom to me, and part of me wanted to yell at her about how flaky she's been with her promises, but that version of Riley is no more. Current Riley trusts her mom because she understands her for the first time.

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Blake's POV

My best week since mom died came crashing down on Friday when Riley got on the bus all smiles because she finally understands where her mom is coming from. Apparently she had a long conversation with her mom about why Izzy gets the better end of the stick, and I'm filled with envy. 

Riley's mom told her why she was strict on her. My mom put it in a box that my dad is guarding until I turn eighteen. 

Riley's mom talks about things with other people. I'm pretty sure my mom died because she wouldn't ask for help.

Riley's mom has an excuse for being so strict. My mom seemed to be strict for no apparent reason.

Riley's mom exists in the present tense. My mom has existed in the past tense for almost a year.

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