Bad idea

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Riley's POV

When I said I apologized to my mom, I meant that I pretended that she was trustworthy again. I knew how to watch my mom, how to give her what she wanted versus what she expected, and when to trust her apologies. This wasn't one of those times, she apologized right after an argument. Every former Riley in my head is screaming that it's a bad idea to trust my mom, and an even worse idea to make my coming out a celebration. That is what I'm going to do though, because I'm tired of being the scapegoat when she's mad, the therapist when I'm sad, her best friend, I can't do it.


So you better believe I'm going to put all my trust in my mom or take off running. She'll either get what she wants or what she expects and it's her choice. Blake is jealous that my mom is still around for me to rebel against, and hasn't talked to me since we were on the bus to school on Friday. I still think that if I end up running away she'll let me stay at her house though. So I'm scrolling through coming out ideas while making sure Izzy doesn't die because she decided she doesn't want to take a nap and instead wants to climb everything in my room. I look up and see Izzy almost tip over my desk chair and manage to catch her and the chair before she goes down. I swear this child has a death wish. 


All of a sudden, my mom comes storming into my room. I can read every little movement and I know something is wrong. I know something bad is about to happen, and when my mom sends Izzy away and shuts the door behind her it only proves it. 

"Riley Marie—" mom begins. The dreaded middle name, but I don't know what I did this time. I don't know what she found. I don't know why she's starting an argument when she told me she'd stop less than seventy two hours ago.  Then again, her only promise was that she wouldn't yell. She can give me a lecture in her calmest voice while the meanest words come out of her mouth and her promise still stands.

"I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA"  the screams of my younger self echo in my head and my ears start ringing. I take a deep breath.

"Yes mom?" I say, hoping my calm voice doesn't make her angry that I don't know what I did. I glance around the room to see if anything is gone, and then I notice it. My scrapbook diary is gone, mom likely has it. Mom has seen all the thoughts I put in there. The ones about her, the ones about Blake, everything.

"I thought you said you'd tell me anything?" Mom says, "I knew you were mad at me but were you really this mad?" She starts reading my entries and I just deny, deny, deny. I don't know what to do to de-escalate the situation.

"I'm sorry mom" I say, "I swear those weren't recent, and I was just exaggerating!"

I wait for her to bring up the entries about Blake but she doesn't. It makes me wonder how much she read, did she only look for things about her or does she know already and just doesn't care? If she knows, why doesn't she care? Should I just say all the things on my mind?

Bad idea! My younger selves chant

Bad idea!

Bad idea!


After the calmest argument of my life, I don't have the courage to run away anymore, because my mom was kicked out of her house and the years that she was homeless were miserable. Should I really run away and give her another point of view? Does she need to know what it's like to be the mother of a daughter that hates you enough to run? I'm only thirteen, I can't stay for the next four years and one month at Blake's house. My mom was sixteen, she had a car to live in and more than one friend's couch to sleep on. She had family she knew, but I don't have family that likes me. My mom never exposed me to her family and my stepdad's family hates me because I'm not related. Then there's Izzy. She wouldn't understand if I just disappeared, and she'd get the responsibilities of being the oldest child which she doesn't need. 


Blake's POV


I should probably text Riley, I don't have good reason to be ignoring her. Why I am I jealous that she has a mom? Riley's dad left her so that should make it equal in parental losses, but it's not the same. Riley never knew her dad, but I had my mom around for thirteen years. As the weather gets cooler, the bittersweetness of my favorite season sets in. Sure the weather is nice, it's my birthday, whatever, but the worst moments of my life happened in the fall. Yet, it's the best season and always will be.


Cameron appears in my room again to give me unsolicited life advice. 

"You shouldn't ghost your girlfriend" he says

"I know I shouldn't" I say

"Then why are you ghosting your girlfriend?" He asks, "do you not like her? It's only been a week."

"She's not even my girlfriend I just kissed her a couple times" I say, "and I'm not ghosting her I'm just not talking to her."

"So who are you ghosting?" He asks

"I'm not ghosting anybody!" I say

"It sounds like you are." He says

"Fine I'll text Riley" I say

"I'm going to watch you to make sure" he says

"You're just using that as an excuse to read my texts" I say

"You know me so well" he says, turning and leaving.

"Why did I have to have three older brothers" I mutter to myself.


After Cameron leaves I keep hearing weird noises and I can't tell where they're coming from. I think they're coming from Ethan's room but I haven't seen him so I'm not even sure if he's home. The noise is distinctively coming from his room though. My first thought is that Christian stole his room for the privacy, but when I get up to go investigate I notice a car in the cul de sac, and I know exactly what Ethan's doing while Dad is out grocery shopping. I put my headphones on and blast Taylor Swift over the weird sounds.







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