I Called You Mine

I need to be alone

Riley's POV

Sunday morning, the day after all state chorus auditions, I overheard my parents talking about thanksgiving in the kitchen.

"We'll have to have thanksgiving with your family" my stepdad says.

"No! I haven't talked to them in years, I can't just barge in on thanksgiving!" Mom says. I stay on the stairs, not wanting to interrupt. I kind of want my stepdad to win this argument, because I've never met my mom's family beyond her older sister and I haven't even seen her since I was four.

"I am not spending my thanksgiving with only four people" my stepdad says, stressing every word.

"Fine" Mom says, "but don't blame this on me when my family gives us weird looks"

I heard it in his voice, my stepdad was going to say something stupid if my mom got the last word.

"Are you blaming your daughter then?" He says. The words made me want to throw up.

"I CAN HEAR YOU" I screamed from where I was sitting.

I locked myself in my room, let the tears fall, and listened to his apologies over and over again. Why has he gotten so mean? He's never been the best stepdad but ever since he turned fifty earlier this year he's just been so hostile towards me. The comment towards mom though, does he love mom at all? Why are they married still? I continue to ride out the storm in my room, waiting for Izzy to do something cute and make their daddy-daughter happiness allow him to forget why he was mad at the stepdaughter. The moment comes and I unlock my door. Mom is standing there, and hugs me. She apologizes for her husband.

"Mom?" I say, "why did you marry him"

"I needed money badly and he wanted a younger girl." Mom says, "there used to be love to it too but now it's gone"

"Do you think your family is really still holding a grudge from 2009?" I ask, "I want to know that you and Izzy aren't my only family. I want to go there for thanksgiving."

Mom sighs, "I guess they've probably gotten over it, maybe Taylor hasn't, she was always good with multi year grudges."

"It's been over fourteen years mom, nobody cares this much" I say

"I guess we could try to plan something" Mom says, and I watch a hint of fear cross her face. It's a familiar look, but I haven't seen it in years. I wonder what my family is like, and why mom is scared.

This is not the time to dig deeper though, this is the time to go pray everything away at church. My mom and stepdad are arguing again, which means I am left to wrestle Izzy into her church dress because she woke up at five am this morning and is decisively angry when it comes to wearing any clothes whatsoever. Her church dress isn't high on her list of things she'll put up with. She kicks me in the stomach a lot while I'm dressing her.

That night I go to the basement and dig up the few things my mom has that are relics of her when she was younger. I find a binder of notebooks filled with my mom's handwriting. The first entry was June 2002, a week before her ninth birthday. The last entry was the day she graduated high school, May 2013. I read the first entry about her family and take mental notes. I met her older sister Jessica before, but I had never even heard of her other family. My other family.

Almost immediately I find the flaws in her family members and understand her fear. A creepy uncle who moved in and scared the sisters, a dad who used physical punishment, a mom who told them to respect their elders no matter what they did. This story proves that she's lied to me about her past, but I sympathize with her. I wouldn't tell anyone about this, not even my daughter. I hear footsteps behind me and quickly put everything away and hide in the darkness of the basement. I wait for the water to turn on, signaling that my mom is washing the dishes and I can't sneak back upstairs without being caught snooping.

Blake's POV

Riley's birthday is tomorrow and I don't know what I want to give her. Something deep inside me is telling me that if it's not absolutely perfect then she will leave me and it will be another flop for middle school relationships. From the years of us just being friends, I know what she likes. I think it's enough, but you can't be sure of anything until it's actually happening in the moment. I want to get up and make my grift better but I find myself stuck in bed wondering endlessly about the all state chorus auditions yesterday. I know I didn't make it through because of my sight singing abilities, or lack of, but I just can't stop thinking about it. Did anyone else from Peachtree make it? Would my failure make me look bad?

Cameron comes in, and I tell him that I need to be alone. For some reason he decides to stand in my doorway and flick the lights on and off instead of actually letting me be.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask

"Because I can, so I will" He replies with a smirk. "Seriously though are you okay?"

I stare up at the ceiling. "Yeah" I say, "everything is fine"

Cameron tenses up slightly, in a way that I wouldn't notice if he hasn't been doing it all the time recently. I don't know why he feels such a pressure to keep the family alive and well, or why he thinks that one of us will suddenly succumb to illness, physical or mental. Maybe it's because everyone is closest to him and he knows that we are all sick. I know he wants me to admit that I'm not fine and he wants to make his little sister okay, but how do I tell him the complexities of my life? As the baby of the family I know I'm not supposed to grow up, but I can't help it. Time is the true enemy.

Cameron finally leaves me alone, and I find the power to get up and be semi productive by doing my Duolingo. After I finish a lesson, I go downstairs to make breakfast, and I knew exactly what I want to eat. Except it turns out Christian ate the last of the cereal, and that would have been fine, but he hates this kind of cereal. Only Ethan and I like that cereal, so I had more rights to that bowl than he does. I have completely lost the motivation to eat based off of that one thing. So I retreat back to my solitude.