I Called You Mine

It's nice to have a friend

Riley's POV

At the bus stop on Monday, Blake has this faraway look like something is bothering her. When I ask her, she says it's nothing, which means that yes something is bothering her, but she doesn't want to talk about it. On the bus ride she sits with Emma, not with me. That bothers me, but I should be happy that Blake is friends with her, because I don't think Blake has been real friends with another person since fifth grade. I don't really know where this friendship came from, but I don't remember where my friendship with Blake came from either, so maybe it's a good sign. We talk about our Thanksgivings until we get to school and go our separate ways to first period. I feel a weight lifted off of me now that Blake has another friend. Is it wrong to think that? Why am I thinking about it? It's not like I'm going to stop being friends with Blake because of this, because she's still my only friend even if I'm not her only friend. The weight returns, and that is when I realize what I'm feeling. Loneliness. Somehow stronger now than before Blake's new friend came along. Deep inside me one of my younger selves screams in jealousy that we need to be better friends with Emma than Blake is with her. Usually I think my younger selves are stupid, but I agree with this one. The loneliness will go away if I know I will still have a friend even if one breaks off.

I start talking to Emma in chorus because I sit next to her. Right now we're talking kind of awkwardly, because despite all the overlaps in schedule and neighborhood, I've never really had a conversation with her. Like Blake and I she's kind of a loner though Emma takes it to extremes. I don't think she's friends with anyone at all. We start talking again, this time after lunch when Ms. Simons brings us outside to walk the bus loop with Blake beside us. For some reason we start talking about the Disney trip even though it's almost four months away.

"My mom keeps saying I need to make friends because we're going to have to share beds." Emma says.

"We're going to have to show up to school at 3 am too." I say

"And having LGPE the day before?" Blake says.

"We don't know that it's going to be the day before." I say

"But you know it has to be since that's the only day that week we won't be in Florida." Emma points out.

"Can't believe nobody got past the first round of all state tryouts." Blake says, abruptly changing the subject.

"I knew Caden wouldn't." Emma says, "he kept having to be told to stay quiet because he was complaining about how badly he did."

"Sight singing is impossible." I say, "nobody can convince me there's people out there who can sing a four measure excerpt right first try given thirty seconds practice."

It's nice to have a friend. A real friend, which I haven't had more than one of since sixth grade. I always prioritized my friendship with Blake because it was my oldest and strongest over the number of friends I had.

Blake's POV

I don't know how we became friends so quickly but after a round of laser tag we just clicked as friends. Emma and I against the craniofacial team and bullies from our past and present. I felt free knowing I had a friend who understood my love hate relationship with Auggie from Wonder. I surprised myself when I chose her over Riley on the bus ride to school, but maybe it's just the novelty of it all. Riley is jealous, in the subtle way she is when she thinks it's stupid to be jealous of something. There are no secrets between us because neither of us can lie easily to each other the way we can to others. I ignore her jealousy because I don't want to start a fight.

When I get home I start on my human rights project so I can overachieve by doing a partner project alone and preparing slides with my oral presentation. Then Ethan comes in and starts flicking the lights on and off to get my attention.

"What do you want." I ask deadpan, eyes still on my Chromebook's screen.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You already asked me a question." I say, "sure."

"I thought Abby and I were on the same page about getting an abortion but she told me she changed her mind and wants to keep it." He says, which actually catches my attention. I turn towards him. "What should I do?"

"Why is everyone asking me for advice? I don't know!" I say

"You're the only person I trust not to make fun of me or yell at me for it."

"In my completely honest and nonbiased opinion, break up with her and let her family believe it really is a child of god." I say. Ethan opens his mouth and I predict his next words of "but I love her" and counter with "disagreeing about something like having kids is just too much of a flaw in the relationship."

"But she'll always know that I promised I'd stay with her no matter what and still left." He says. I've always been aware of my brother's maturity, but this is when I really see it. When he thinks about the future and talks like every tiny action can drastically change it. Not saying it can't, but still.

"I think the decision is simple and you're being a drama king." I say, going back to my project, "kid or no kid." Ethan just sighs, shakes his head, and leaves. I think he muttered something like "wish it was that simple" but I'm not sure.

I see Emma outside with her sister and decide I've done enough of my project to deserve a break. Her sister gets frustrated with the game and goes back inside once it's clear that we're both better than her. We bounce the ball back and forth and I pose a hypothetical, not telling her I'm asking for my brother.

"What would you do if you loved someone but they wanted a kid and you didn't?" I ask, "Hypothetically."

"Break up with them?" She says, as if it's obvious. I feel better with my own answer, but then again, Ethan's living it and we are thinking in hypotheticals. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason" I lie, "just a hypothetical."

"I know we've only been friends for four days, but I feel like you're lying." Emma says

"Why do you think that?" I ask, my heart skipping a beat, though I'm not sure why.

"Nobody asks a question like that for no reason." She says, "Also Miss Caroline was talking to my mom about how your brother's girlfriend is pregnant and my mom told me."

I leave awkwardly because I don't know how to respond to that. How does the neighbor even know? Up until today I'm pretty sure they were going to keep quiet and abort. Then a thought comes into my mind and I run to tell Ethan I was wrong, he shouldn't break up with Abby. She's going through the hardest time in her life.

"Hi Blake" Ethan says when I start flicking the lights in his room, "stop"

"I think Abby's lying about wanting the baby." I say

Ethan sits up a little straighter and gives me a side eye. "Why do you think that?" He asks.

"Because I was outside with Emma and she knew about the baby from Miss Caroline" I say, "and you guys never told anyone which means that her parents know."

"So you're saying she's just doing what her parents want and she doesn't agree with it?" He asks

"I guess"

"Just because your friend knew."

"Yes"

Ethan pauses for a moment and considers. "You made this decision so much harder and I hate you for it."

I throw my hands up in the air. "I thought that was important for you to know!"

"You will never understand what it is like to be the oldest child." He says.

"How does this have anything to do with being the oldest?"

"Everything ties back to birth order if you look hard enough."