Helios. M/F, kpop AU : WEEKLY UPDATES

9. I am broken

When I was done with what I said that day, and he smiled at me, it seemed like my words were a prophecy. Our debut was in 3 weeks, and the future came hurling at us in a whirlwind of shooting content for Tiktok, Youtube, and a bunch of tv programs.

Phoenix were to appear on Weekly Idol. It's more of a show for rookies, but Phoenix was technically new, and it's a good promotion either way. The shoot was really long, but there were a few funny moments.

They made the boys and girls switch spots for the choreography, so there I was. I dropped Kitae straight on the floor in the first chorus. Chanwoo had seen, and I nearly completely lost it when in the 2nd chorus, he didn't trust me and did a limbo-like movement, which just ended up looking very unelegant.

Speaking of him, Chanwoo had been booked for a short MC-ing gig for MCountdown, replacing the hired one while he was abroad for a tour, so he'd been gone from very early in the morning one day, and he was a nervous wreck as he was actually the first one to make a live public appearance since the announcement. He was the interviewer, yes, but at the same time, the artists sometimes dared to ask questions back.
The crowd, too, doesn't always hold back on booing. The crowd was quiet for him, which was not good but not worse than to be booed at.

That same day, Hyunsik was going on Lee Mujin service. I overheard him and Kangmin in their room when they got up to eat breakfast together the day of the shoot, telling him not to be nervous. They won't think he's dating anyone.

I didn't think Hyunsik would have been so nervous for Lee Mujin service, because I knew him and he would never talk about the Phoenix members that way just because we are in a co-ed group now. Besides, Hyunsik was probably one of 3 best singers in the group, and he made excellent song choices, so even if rumours arose, the public would be more focused on his vocals. Or our company would force them to edit out those parts.
Live laugh, JYPE!

But I was worried about Hyunsik, so I asked Chanwoo about it since they were best friends.

Strangely, Chanwoo said Hyunsik never mentioned being nervous about this shoot.

Anyway, I haven't mentioned this before, but I am one of the global ambassadors for Dior. I had to hop on a plane to Paris for an event there with one of our managers. There was a grave lack of security at the Incheon Airport, and the day I came back, I was mobbed.

Like. Well, haha, that day when I cried a lot, not only had the show been announced, but our official debut too. I really only remember the whole Kitae thing. I forgot to focus on what I was worried about. The reactions from the public were quite mixed but extreme on both sides. On one side, people wanted to be progressive. We were not the 1st co-ed group, nor the last! And most rookie groups live together, so why not us?

Another important argument used was, "If the company believes this is okay, why should we doubt them?"

That fell into distaste with the more conservative fans, for some reason.

What it came down to was that us girls were definitely whores. The most progressives thought that whores weren't scandalous, which probably made it even worse because they didn't deny it.

On top of that, a lot of the fanwars resurfaced 10x worse. I've always thought them to be childish, but they were extreme this time. Like, the boys' fans blamed us for dropkicking them into eternal despair. It was bullshit, that's all. We hadn't even debuted!

Anna had mentioned that international fans were more excited and looking forward to it all, which made me feel relieved about going to Paris.

And not that the security that cared for me at the airport in Korea was truly bad, they would've sufficed on a normal day. But I was still mobbed at Incheon Airport, jetlagged, outfit way too tight, sleepdeprived, my body covered in the ache-relieving pain patches I can't live without.