Helios. M/F, kpop AU : WEEKLY UPDATES

11. Made of glitter

"EUGH, HUGEGH, UGHVGUH"

"Don't worry, it's biodegradable."

"UGHHHH, GUGHGUHG"

Translation:
"Oh my fucking god. Fuck fuck fuck fuck."

This is our debut performance, this is our first real fight. There would be cameras to livestream each small moment from now on, our performances of our songs and the games we would play, as well as the questions we would answer.

I am waiting to be lifted onto the stage where it would all happen today, and I am coughing up glitter.

I think I have to pee.

I am breathing glitter. It was just supposed to be a touch-up on my eyelids, but the platform shook and the stylist spilled.

There is glitter in my mouth and my lungs, my lips are sparkling in silver glitter.

I feel like I might die, and I'm so nervous I have to pee.

The metallic coloured flakes travelled down my cleavage, it's in and on my outfit now, I try to wipe it from my skirt, but it ends up stuck on my fingers.

My mic is not yet turned on. I am the last one to go on stage, and I can tell that it might be okay because I can hear the yelling and screaming even now.

I have to pee really bad.

I feel the glitter in my mouth, but the coughing has stopped, and I wish I could spit it all out.

The platform shoots up.

Fuck. I have to pee.

My mic turns on, I hear counting through my in-ear.

It counts down to that fateful moment, where we start moving. I do my dramatic turn, the glitter in my hair is persistent and stays, but the glitter that dropped on my hand? No.

I shush at the camera, the glitter blowing away from my finger.

Okay, I nearly died for this but can this become something? The fans are going completely crazy about the glitter flying.

I want to smile at the screaming, but I remember my facial expressions: I have to be seductive. I practiced this so much.

I don't know how many of you understand what it's like to perform. If you've been to any concert, you understand that listening to music with a big group of different people is a spiritual experience on a strangely human level.

You would go home with a heavy heart and a tear in your eye, a smile on your face, maybe talking about how good the group was and how the audience was crazy.

But being that person that brings everyone together like that is a completely different experience. It's.. narcissistic.

The factors that go into the experience are vastly different.

As a fan, you spent money on the ticket, you know the artist's music, you've waited to see them for months, you've been delirious at the thought of hearing your favourite songs live. It's the anticipation of it all before you let go and experience everything fully.

As the artist, yes, there's the hours you've worked to prepare, trusting your abilities. The anticipation from fans, the sitting in the waiting room and getting styled and getting your make-up done. In my case, also covering up a blue bruised arm and midrif with heaps of foundation. That's all of our waiting. And sometimes you experience glitter coughing. But imagine the feel of your custom fitted ear-ins as you stand there, right in the blinds, just about to get on stage, comfortable but their cords tickling your back through the skimpy outfit, cold but you're still overheating from the nerves, and you have to pee. And then you suddenly realise how heavy the mic in your hand is. Being lifted up on stage.