Fight // WWE Dean Ambrose

Chapter 23

"I want to show you something" Dean whispers into my lips, and I nod. It's true what they say about people. One minute they're insane, they're crazy or mean or malicious, and the next they're beautiful. It's true, Dean can go from the crazy, unstable character in WWE, to a completely annoying goofball, to a thoughtful person. I know he has many more sides to him, and I'm so excited for him to reveal all of them.

Dean reaches beside him, into that box he brought. Out he pulls a very familiar object.

The book, the same book that caused so much drama between us. He holds it in his hands for a moment, and stares down at it. I know this is a very hard thing for him, so I sit patiently as he does what he needs to.
"Do you remember what this is" he asks, still staring down at it.
"Uh, yeah" I nervously laugh.
"There's a really interesting story that goes along with this book" he tell me, and my heartbeat accelerates for the 10th time tonight.
"I don't know if I should be telling you about this" he look up at me.
"But I feel like it's a big part of who i am today." He squints his eyes, trying to explain how he's feeling, and I nod understandingly.
"So. God, I don't even know where to begin." He breathes a huge breath, before sliding the book over to me. I hesitantly take it, and look up to him. He nods, as if saying I can open the book.
I carefully rub my fingers over the cover. This is dean's entire world, this is what means most to him. And I have it in my hands.
"Open it" he instructs, and I flip the cover. I see the same photos of this Renee girl and Dean cover the pages. He looks happy, so happy. I can't help but feel happy, seeing him that happy.
"Okay here goes. Renee Young was a commentator and interviewer for WWE, she did the exact same thing you do. She was really good at it too, funny and just a natural on the microphone" he tells me. That must be it, that's why Dean hated me when I first got to WWE, he must have thought I was trying to take over Renee's job. Oh gosh. That must have been why he kept saying that all girls like me were the same, that he knew exactly who I was. He thought I was trying to replace Renee.
"She was really pretty Riley, like just really pretty. She caught my eye on the first day, and after that, I was simply putty in her hands" he says. I can see the love that still fills his eyes when he speaks of her. So where is she now? Did she get fired?
"She and I dated for about 2 years, it was so fun, just a really good time. She was so witty, and sassy as hell. But, as the two years went on, I secretly got back into my drinking addiction. I knew Renee hated it, but I just couldn't stop myself. I felt so stressed and helpless at the time... I just didn't know what to do, and stooping down to alcohol seemed like the best option." As he continues, I flip through pages and pages of them. At the airport, or at restaurants, or just hanging out at home. He's right, she is really pretty. She is smiling in almost every picture, and Dean is either making a stupid face behind her, or just staring at her and smiling.
"Well, one night... Gosh..." Dean puts his hands on his knees, and his head down. I can tell this is very hard for him to talk about. I take his hand in mine, and hold it, to support him.
"Dean, you don't have to tell me" I tell him sympathetically. Dean has never been at a Loss for words, and I know this is hard for him to talk about.
"No. No, I have to" he nods his head a few times, and runs his hands through his hair.
"One night, I told her I had a business meeting, some stupid excuse to go to a bar and get wasted. I never cheated on her or anything, but i think that's what she suspected because I wouldn't return until I had sobered up, which wasn't until the next morning. She got a call from a bartender telling him that I had gotten in to a fight. The cops were going to come if she didn't get me out of there. So, she came to get me, and when I saw her, I jumped in my car. I don't know why I did, but that seemed like the best idea. I didn't want her to yell at me, or see me like that, drunk off my ass. She got in after me in the passenger seat, knowing I was drunk. We got into our third fight ever that night while I sped down the road and swerved out of control at least 4 times. She tried to take the keys out of the ignition, to protect me." I continue to flip through the pages while he speaks, until I come to a single photo in the middle of a page. I flip the page over, but that's the end of the pictures. She's laughing in the photo, and Dean is kissing her cheek. Underneath the photo, is written our last photo.
What? What does that mean?
"That's the last photo of us that I have." Dean tells me, staring down at the photo. Wait. I gasp, as I begin to put the pieces together. Oh my god. I struggle to make sense of everything, as the utter shock of his story hits me
"I ran a red light, and a car going through the intersection hit her side of the car. She died that night, while I left with a broken wrist." Dean pulls at his hair, and I squeeze his hand in an attempt to calm him, while trying to calm myself down. This is all new completely fresh information, and I have to be strong for Dean, I can't panic or freak out. I need to be calm. The air between us has completely changed, and I can tell Dean is getting really upset in a short amount of time.
"A broken fucking wrist. She died, and I get a broken wrist?! Why? She was the most important person in the world to me, to so many people. She was a much better person than I was, so why didn't I die?!" When he says that, I feel my heart stop. He hits his hand down on the rooftop beside him, and his rosy cheeks become redder and redder. Dean is almost screaming now, and I can tell he has a lot of built up anger and frustration about this. Feelings of sadness and sorrow for Dean are built up inside of me, so much I feel like they could burn a hole through my stomach.
There is an empty void in my stomach at his wish, that he should of died instead of her. I hate him saying that, absolutely hate it. Nobody could have predicted what could of happened.
"She was such a good person Riley. And she's gone. Just like that. She died two years, three weeks and six days ago. Sometimes, the guilt and sadness and anger hit me so hard that I feel like I can't breathe. I lose sleep over this every night, and I haven't had a full nights sleep in months." He whispers. Tears have formed in the corner of my eyes, but I resist the burning urge of the tears begging to escape.
I don't know what to say to him, what can I say? I frantically search my mind and my soul for the right thing to say, when in reality there is nothing I can say. Nothing.
I can't say anything, because nothing is going to bring her back. I scoot closer to him, and lean my head on his shoulder. After a few seconds, he lay his head down on top of mine.
He holds my hand so tightly in his that I'm afraid it will break, but it doesn't matter.
We sit like this for hours, or minutes. I'm not sure how much time passes. How ever long he needs me is how long I will be there for him. But as the city outstretched in front of us moves along, we sit in our own little world, alone and unprotected.
His breathing has since set from a frantic breathing pattern to such a steady pace, and I'm not sure if he still awake.
"So, that's why I don't drive anymore Riley. I can't risk it. I also don't drink either, haven't had alcohol near me since that night. It's also why I don't let myself open to be hurt, because in the blink of an eye, you can have somebody you love taken from you" he tells me, and I feel so many things for this broken man. He looks so vulnerable with his eyes so hopeful yet sad.
"I didn't go to her funeral. I didn't think I could handle it. I've never been to a funeral. All the other wwe superstars acted so... So fake around me, like I was so fragile. I really wish they hadn't of done that, it was like I was a little puppy. I knew it was just a matter of time until someone told you, so I wanted to be the one to tell you." He explains, and I nod. I really love the fact that he told me, except for the fact that it seemed to have made him so upset to do so. I've never had anyone close to me die, so I don't know how it felt, and can't relate to his pain, but I can only imagine how hard it must have been.
I have to say something before it's too late, before Dean continues to beat himself up.
"You're such a good man Dean. Just know that you're an amazing person, and that one mistake shouldn't define you. Please Dean" it's all true, Dean truly isn't a bad person. I know that he is going to continue to think he is, because of the guilt he feels, but he isn't.
"You can't let a mistake follow you for your life. You have to release it, and come to peace within yourself" I remind him.
"I think it's too late. I've changed so much in the past 2 years that I don't think I'm ever going to find myself again" he lifts his head off of my shoulder, but still keeps our hands connected. He stares straight ahead. I wish I could say the right think to make Dean believe me, that he is a good person. That everyone has some sort baggage, some sort of terrible thing that they've done. But it shouldn't be the terrible thing that happened that make up somebody's character, it's how they change their future, and let go of there past.
"People change all the time. It's made you stronger and it's made you stop drinking. It's also made you realize the value of a moment. You have to go through some really hard stuff to learn some of the most important lessons of your life. But I'm so sorry you had to learn them like this" I tell him. He nods, and I can tell he's thinking really hard. He squints his eyes, and squeezes my hand lightly.
"I'm so sorry, can we talk about something else. Tell me something about you" he pleads, and I try to think of something I can tell him.
"I can tell you about my mess up of a life" I say, and he looks at me.
"What?" His pupils are beginning to shrink back from the wild rage that was present in them a few moments ago. The green surrounding is beginning to show, and the simple moonlight makes them shine in a new way.
"I have a more messed up life than you'd think" I sigh, and look over to him. If he wants to keep the conversation lighter, and for me to not talk about such a heavy topic after the conversation we just had, I will. But, maybe if I tell him how utterly imperfect my life has been, he will see that he isn't the only screw up.
"What do you mean?" He asks.
I take a deep breath before beginning. After what Dean just told me, I feel so much closer to him, like we share a bondage.
"When I was 12, my aunt died. It was my moms sister, and they were really close. After that, my mom started acting really strange. I knew she had started using drugs again, like she had before I was born. All of my brothers knew it too, and they tried to keep me out of the house when she would use the drugs. Around this time, my mom also lost her job, so only my dad was working. He got 2 jobs just to be able to support us. My mom would steal money from his wallet, and go buy drugs. She didn't give a damn about if we ate or not, or what happened to us really. She was just in her own little world. Then, 2 years ago, she slapped my brother after he tried to take away her needles. My dad kicked her out, and told her never to come back. I haven't seen her since. my best friend Erica was really supportive, she was like a sister through this all, and her mom was kind of like the mom I never had, because I was always over there. That's why this job is so important to me, because I want to provide for my dad like he did for us. Last year, my brother Brad started using cocaine. He only used it for a little while, before going into rehab. He's fine now, but we got into a lot of fights over this stuff" I tell Dean, he stares back at me with such intensity in his eyes. I feel a weight off my chest being able to tell Dean about my messed up childhood, but I know it doesn't hail in comparison to what he's gone through.
"I moved out a year ago, when I went to New York, and I hadn't seen them up until yesterday." I finish, and wraps his strong arms around me. I don't want him to say anything, I don't want advice or pity. I think he senses that, because he remains silent.
I told him simply to make him feel better, and also I know that he is trustworthy.
"I want to talk about something else" I say after a moment of silence.
"Okay, Riley there's something you've never told me" he says, and I look up to him.
"What are you absolutely most afraid of in the world" he asks. Usually, I would make a joke and say something to ease the heavy set mood of things. But, I think Dean wants a serious answer right now.
"Being alone during a tornado or hurricane" I decide to give him my actual biggest fear.
"Seriously?" Dean detaches himself from me and looks me dead in the eye. I can tell he is trying to see if I am being serious or not.
"Yeah, one time when I was like 6, I was home alone with my brother, and he fell asleep. Well, a hurricane type storm started outside, and a tree fell through the window of my bedroom, I freaked out. So I guess that's where that started." I say, and he smiles, the smallest smile known to man, but still a smile.
"Sounds intense"
"What about you?" I ask, and he scrunches his face up to think.
"Ostriches, those bastards are freaky" he says, and I giggle. I'm glad that we can change the mood of things so easily. I know he said it just to make me laugh, but I can't help but to think there's a hint of seriousness behind what he said.
And for the rest of the night, as the city unfolds in front of us and the night sky changes to morning, we talk about every stupid little detail that you could ever have to know about a person. I tell him about how I lost my first tooth, and he tells me how he can cook the best hamburger in the world. He also tells me he loves roller coasters, but doesn't like We exchange stories of our childhoods, the good and the bad, and he also kisses me 7 more times.
I know my dad must be getting worried, the sun should be coming up soon, but I don't want to leave. I wish Dean and I could stay in this small little sanctuary for the rest of our lives, just sitting in each other's embrace speaking about life
Just hearing him explain things in his own way, with his own unique, thoughtful outlook is amazing. He sees things differently than anybody else does, and in ways I never thought of.
I end up drifting off to sleep, laying on dean's chest.
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"Riley" Dean says. I don't open my eyes, but I instead respond with a tired groan. The sun is shining onto my eyes now, and I don't want to get up.
"I'm sorry Riley but you have to get up. I have a flight out to Utah in a few hours, and I have to head to the airport" dean tries to shift his body so he can stand up, but I hold his arm back.
"No" I say, and squint my eyes open. I sigh, and move to let him stand.
"Thank you. What time are you coming out" he asks, and I shrug.
"I haven't booked a return flight yet" I am a terrible planner ahead of time, it's something I need to work on.
"Well lucky for you I was kind of hoping you would ride back with me so..." He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans, and pulls out two airline tickets. I return with a huge smile, and stand up to wrap my arms around him. Dean once again being the more thoughtful one in every aspect of our relationship.
Wait, what kind of relationship are we in? Friends? More than friends? Friends with benefits? I feel like I can talk to Dean about any of my problems now, but I don't want to bring it up, because it would be really awkward.
"Are you ready to go?" Dean asks. He shifts from foot to foot, waiting. I know he doesn't have a lot of patience.
Maybe I should ask him now... We've talked about a lot of important things tonight, so this might be something to add because we might never get a chance to again, but is it too much for one night?
It's no or never.
"Uh.. Yeah I am. Let's go" I say, and we head back towards the stairs.
I'll ask on the plane.

Authors note

Hope you guys liked it!! Ily all. I love when you guys comment, you're all so nice and so funny , so please comment as much as you'd like!
I'll be updating hopefully tomorrow :)