Thy Will, Not Mine

Chapter {42} Antonio

The once vibrant and lively apartment was void of its beauty and peace as I stood in the middle of the living room.

The sound of my heartbeat resonated loudly in the quiet room.

I stared at Thato's intricately designed pots and pans, plates and cups. They all held the wondrous memories we made over a heartfelt meal. The kitchen was our Centrepoint, our forefront but I couldn't help but feel my heartstrings tug as I thought about how all those memories were just a fragment of my imagination.

We were so happy, we were so satisfied but what had gone wrong? When had things taken a turn for the worse? I know people say there is a calm before the storm but what kind of a storm was this? Why had it come like a hurricane, demolishing, brick by brick, what had taken years to build?

Why had it chosen to come to me? Did I not deserve love that the moment it entered my life, I had to lose another love?

A thousand other questions racked through my mind but I could not find an answer to any of them. I felt powerless, the situation was beyond my control.

What would I tell my mother? How would she react? Thato was also her daughter so I'm sure she would not understand, and I would not want her to pick sides. I could not let these thoughts overcome me, I would cross that bridge when I got there.

Today, I was closing a significant chapter in my life. Whether it was for the good or bad only time would tell. But for now, there was a brighter tomorrow waiting for me, even without my best friend.

I made it to my bedroom and packed all that was mine into my large travel suitcase, even though Nio had promised to buy me some new clothes but I did not want a single item of mine left in the apartment. I cleared out my drawers, took my pictures off the walls and finally sat down on my freshly made bed as tears cascaded down my cheeks and my throat clogged up.

This was not how things were supposed to go. We were supposed to achieve our dreams TOGETHER, Thato, Sienna and I had to be the three musketeers. We were meant to stick together and stay glued to each other's side forever. Our children were meant to have playdates, we were meant to plan more holidays and travel the world.

But that had all broken down into shambles.

Something told me to let bygones be bygones and to forgive and live as though nothing had happened but I just simply couldn't. How could I forgive someone who had not even bothered to apologise?

Enough was enough, I had to toughen up and move on, so I stood up ready to leave my bedroom with my suitcase in tow when I decided to open my side drawer, which I rarely used and had not bothered to check.

Marveled, I found what I had thought to be my most valued treasure, the word coming directly from the Lord's mouth; THE HOLY BIBLE.

The book in question had a layer of dust over it due to my frequent neglect of reading it, as I prioritized other matters that seemed more 'pressing'. With deliberate action, I took a moment to wipe away the dust from the cover and proceeded to slowly open its pages. A sense of hesitation lingered within me as I went on with this act.

I couldn't help but wonder: How could I approach the sacred Word after having neglected it for such a long time? Would the messages within still resonate with me? Would there be forgiveness for my neglect?

Nevertheless, I summoned the courage to proceed and unfolded the book's pages. In a seemingly serendipitous manner, my attention was immediately drawn to

     Matthew 12:37, which stood out as if demanding my consideration. The verse conveyed an impactful message: "For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned."