Thy Will, Not Mine

Chapter {46} Antonio

Five years later...

"Faglio, you need to learn to forgive. Forgive all those that hurt you just as Christ Jesus forgave you all your sins," the senior pastor advised with soft and understanding eyes as his hand rested on my defeated shoulders.

The church was dispersed of all its members except for the workers who kept to themselves as they quietly and swiftly organised the chairs to their original state.

"All those that have hurt me, do not deserve forgiveness, they have hurt me far beyond measure," I explained as my eyes brimmed with unshed tears threatening to trickle down my cheeks without hesitation.

"Figlio, how do you expect the Creator of the universe to forgive you if you fail to forgive others?"

I mean, it made sense. I had been forgiven by the Lord, not because I deserved or was worthy of forgiveness but because He loved me so, something that had taken me years to comprehend.

It was not by my own actions that I had been saved but I had been saved by grace offered freely by my Father through His Son Jesus Christ.

"I hear you sir but I need time. I simply cannot forgive and forget, I've lost way too much."

"You lose nothing by forgiving son but you gain peace through it, think about it," and that put my mind in disarray as he laid a soft tap on my back.

"Fratello, I'm ready to go. My friends have left," Avelina bounced off, her pigtails swinging from left to right.

Over the past few years, she had grown into a beautiful and loving young girl. She had been through a spiral of emotions, from joy to sadness when she left and hers and everyone's emotions took a three-hundred and sixty degree turn.

"Okay, Cara. Let's leave," I took hold of her dainty hand pulling her towards the exit. "Where is your uncle Giovanni?"

"Uncle is taking with a beautiful girl outside, she has curly hair and brown skin like big Sorella..." she trailed off looking at one of her friends waving her on as she scurried along to her without permission, not realising the gravity of what she had just said.

Big Sorella, was her. But how? There was only a handful of people of colour in the city. Let alone as breath-taking as SHE was.

But true to my little sisters' words, a woman with her back turned towards me stood talking to a flustered Giovanni. She had her braids, her height, and her smooth skin. Her modest dressing.

My legs stayed glued to the ground as my heart thudded in my heart, almost as though it was about to give out on me but the only thought that would come to mind; COULD IT BE HER? HAD SHE COME BACK TO ME?

Slowly and carefully, I approached her, my eyes on the girl before me. I was filled with anticipation yet apprehension. What a paradox.

But before I could reach her she turned around and like that fateful night many years ago, my hopes and heart were crushed. She wasn't HER, no one could compare with her. She did not have baby hairs, her eyes did not light up the room like diamonds in the moonlight. Her lips were not plump yet small and rosy. Her eyes were not soft with unbelievable kindness.

My mind took me to a time that I would've much rather forgotten.

                << FLASHBACK >>

"Stay away from me," and my world tore apart.

"Amore? What do you mean? I'm here for you," I tried reaching out to her, only for her to flinch away from me as though my touch had burnt her. If I wasn't hurt before, I was now.