Thy Will, Not Mine

Chapter {28} Destiny

Rejection tasted like a bitter pill you were meant to swallow without any water but I would get over it, right? I mean I had to so that we could at least be friends or would I be overdoing it? I had no idea.

"Des, what happened? You have been cocooned yourself under those blankets ever since you returned from class. Was it the test?" Thato's concerned tone reached my ears under the thick coat of blankets I had hidden myself under but I guess I needed to come out of my shell soon knowing my ever-persistent best friend.

"I'm fine, I just need some time to myself," I cleared my throat so the gruffness would go away, but Thato had already heard it.

"You are most definitely not fine so don't you think of lying to me," she retorted throwing my blanket off me, causing me to feel the sight gust of wind move up my bare arms and toes.

"Thato!" I snapped, and for the very first time, I was annoyed with my best friend.

Her once angry gaze turned worrisome as she looked at my tear stains, that gaze then turned questionative, "Des, why were you crying?"

I knew the inevitable question would come sooner or later but I had no reply, "I Uhm... T-the test..." I could not even look her in the eye. I was too embarrassed but before I could go any further she cut through my speech.

"I know this has nothing to do with the test, it's something else and until you tell me I am not going anywhere and you are not going to get your blanket," she wrapped her arms around her chest, keeping her austere posture though her hazel eyes revealed how worried she actually was. Always the softie with a tough exterior, reminding me rather of someone I wished to forget about because he took me to a dark place.

"Well, if the truth is what you want then okay," I sighed. "I was in love with Nio," I toke a deep breath waiting for an earful from her but when she just looked back at me as though I had not just said something shocking I continued. "I don't know how it happened, it was like it happened out of the blue and today after a long time waiting, I just could not keep my feelings to myself so I decided to confess them and it doesn't take much to guess what happened next, " as usual I found the need to explain myself and feelings before jumping straight into the point and now I felt as though someone I just knew I could always count on would be so angry with me for keeping something so life-changing from her but would I blame her, no I would deserve it.

"Girl, stop overthinking things of course I'm not angry that you hid something so deep for you from me I am just sad that you had to go through all of that alone and I have to confess that I secretly knew that considered Antonio as more than just a friend, your lovey-dovey eyes and goofy smile when around him gave you off that's why I pushed you towards getting someone who loved you, I was secretly praying and hinting towards him." My best friend really was one of a kind.

"So you aren't angry?" I felt like after all those years I still could not fully comprehend my best friend, she could be jubilant one moment then wreaking like a storm the next. You never knew what to expect from her.

"Des, not at all," she gave me a heartwarming smile, causing me to smile back at her.

"So back to the subject at hand, did he reject you or did something else happen?" She rose a worried brow and the atmosphere was now back to dark and draining, after all going through what I had gone through was painful but she deserved to know plus I most certainly needed some closure and someone to just spill over all the bottled-up emotions too.

"Yeah, he rejected me and said he only considered me as a friend," that hit the hardest artery, knowing that all he would ever see me as would be a friend and our relationship would always be platonic was painful but why did I always expect the best of people and goodness at all times because clearly, I did not receive any of those.

"What!" Thato abruptly stood up from my bed, pacing around my room. "How could he say that, out of everything he could say, he just had to say that?!"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Des, I am so sorry he said that to you," she sighed taking her seat back again.

"It's okay," though it was not okay, I was not okay. It hurt more than words could describe.

"I know it is not okay but look on the bright side, the sun is still burning bigger and brighter and he did not string you along," this was so unlike Thato to look at the positives out of bad situations but I guess she what right, I could not sulk as though it was the end of the world. Yes, he might've been the first person I had fallen in love with but that did not mean that he would be the last plus I still had my beloved who would never reject me; Jesus.

"Yeah, your right, " I pulled off my covers with more determination to continue when though my heart felt like it had been broken in half, I knew that Jesus would fix it back up again, no matter how long it toke. "As Jesus clearly uttered in John 15:9 'As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.'"

"Yes, that's the Destiny I know, always quoting scripture," she smiled as she smiled pulling me into a welcomed hug. I really needed the hug and it made me wonder what would come of me had she not been in my life. I would've probably cried myself to sleep and sulked and confided in God until he strengthened me again.

"Do you remember what today is?" She asked once we had pulled away and my tears had dried up.

"Friday?"

"Yeah, but it is also..." She paused for dramatic effect and I remembered how special Fridays were to us. "Bible Study day!" We screamed simultaneously before laughing at our own silliness

I quickly freshened up, immediately feeling the tension and pain leave my body as the warm water slid down my spine in the meanwhile Thato gathered our Bibles, highlighters and notepads setting them in the living room where we had our weekly Bible studies. The sun had set and the moon was soon taking its place in the sky.

I applied some lotion and secured myself in my warm rouge cotton robe before grabbing a fluffy blanket to warm up our legs during our peaceful moment of bible studying.

The smell of coffee brewing filled my senses as I walked downstairs with the blanket locked in my arms and as soon as I entered the living room two steaming cups of coffee sat on our coffee table. And our set of Bibles, colours and notepads were neatly sat on our plush white carpet.

"Which book are we going to be reading today?" I asked taking a seat on the carpet next to my best friend who was reading something on her phone before setting it on the floor as she heard my voice.

"The book of Esther," she replied grinning from ear to ear because according to her strong females like the ones from the Bible were needed in today's society.

"Okay..." She was the one leading it today and I was excited as I forget about the day's pain.

"Yeah, so we will read a few chapters to get to know what it entails and what makes it different from other books of the Bible."

Two, hours later we were done and I had thoroughly enjoyed the book, it was so encouraging and it showed how the Lord was there even in situations that seemed impossible.

"Yoh! Esther was a really brave woman, the fact that she could've gotten killed when appealing her case before the hard-headed king makes it even more enthralling but imagine you were in that situation what would you have done? Would you watch your people, including your uncle die in cold blood while you lived in luxury free from the onslaught or would you have been like Esther and taken a huge leap of faith?" Only my best friend would ask such a question but it was a good question.

I thought about it while I munched on the delicious chocolate cookies that must've had a secret ingredient because last time I remembered no one made cookies as mouth-watering as these but I would not complain.

"Well, it would've been a hard decision if I was not saved at the time but if I was then I would do it but because I would be so scared I would not be doing it out of my own strength but the strength of the Lord, fasting as Esther did and praying that he led me into green pastures. I would remember that He is a shepherd and would never lead His sheep astray though they walked through the valley of the shadow of death,"

"Well said sister!" She applauded me and we continued munching on the delicious pastries before we decided on a good Christian movie and fell asleep snuggled up together under the warm and comfy blanket.