Thy Will, Not Mine

Chapter {47} Destiny

"We have an emergency, code blue!" One of the senior doctors rushed out, running towards the emergency room as I hastily followed behind, uttering a prayer under my breath.

"Lord, I pray that you heal and restore life back into this patient's body. Please do not leave them nor forsake Great Physician for ultimately, you are the one who heals them, we just help you get the job done. So God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob please intervene."

In the environment and field of medicine that I was privileged to work in, prayer was not more important than medical procedures because according to me people's lives were not toys to play with. After all, without God's intervention, we do nothing for He is the Great Physician who needed no degree to heal multitudes but this field seemed to think otherwise.

After a few minutes of resuscitation and ample defibrillation, the patient's heart started steadily beating and my heart leapt with joy. I almost threw my hands in praise to the Lord but remembered that I was in a place that valued science more than faith, something that I knew must've brought great pain to the Lord's heart so I silently thanked Him in my heart for it was not every day where you saw the dead coming back to life so these kind of moments needed to be cherished dearly.

"Dr Mudau?" The senior doctor; Mr Martin called out with disdain. "I've been calling you for the past 48 seconds, what were you thinking about?"

Before I could come up with a viable reason, he interjected, "Never mind, just do your job and take this patient to the ICU for further monitoring."

"I don't even know what you are doing here," he murmured under his breath and he left.

The nurses looked at me with sympathy as they filed out of the room with the patient and all the machines attached to him and I whispered, "Lord, please give me patience, help me not to haste to anger even when provoked. Guard me with your peace that transcends all understanding."

Each day I went through this ill-treatment, I grew more patient, loving and understanding. When it first happened, I wanted to give Dr Martin my piece of mind even if it meant losing the internship but now, I understood that some people went through things we did not know of and that could cause them to be bitter towards someone else.

"Lord, bless him," I prayed as I left the room.

****

"Oh, I'm finally home. Thank you, Lord," I yawned as my heavy eyes focused on ravaging my handbag for the house keys dreamily thinking about the moment I hit the sack.

What a tiring and busy day it had been. But, I tried not to complain or murmur under my breath as my feet ached and eyes drooped when I finalised some patient's paperwork, I was grateful. Not many people woke up to helping others so closely and helping people go from their worst to their best. It was truly an honour and that was what kept me going, the pleasure of helping other people. And the gift of life on its very own.

I finally found the key which was hidden in the small pocket of my bag and pulled it out, ready to open the door but something caught my eye.

It was a bouquet of tulips, right on the doorstep of my mother's house.

What were they doing there? And who could've put them there?

We had a fenced-in yard as many other homes did, so it was very difficult for anyone to enter into the yard. Who could've left them there?

My mind shut down as my brain became foggy from the fatigue so I picked them up without a further thought, only pausing to admire them for a moment. They were my favourite flowers, and they were red and white, the perfect combination.

I went back to the task at hand and opened the door, dropping my bag on the floor as soon as I set foot into the house and pausing to take off my shoes, receiving momentary satisfaction from the adequate blood flow to my legs without the restriction of tight tekkies.

I dumped the beautiful flowers on the kitchen counter before ambling to my bedroom and falling asleep as quick as a light as soon as my head hit the pillow.

*****

"Ooh la la, whose flowers are these? They are so gorgeous," my moment of slumber was interrupted by Thato's voice.

"I don't know, perhaps your sisters?" my mom answered and that's when I opened my eyes to find that it was dark outside, meaning that I had slept through the entire afternoon.

I slowly and sluggishly woke up with a yawn, stretching my sore limbs before freshening up and doing my night routine for some good skin.

I walked to the source of the noise as my mom and Thato continued poking and probing about the tulips. What was the big fuss about? Did they not belong to either of them?

"Goeienaand," I greeted in Afrikaans, one of the languages we loved to add in our conversations.

"Ndi madekwana," my mom greeted in Tshivenda, my home language.

"Evening, Miss Doctor," Thato said wiggling her eyebrows, making me look at her in confusion. Why was she doing that?

I grabbed a glass and filled it with some water and began drinking it, quenching my thirst.

"Why did you not tell me that you had a boyfriend?"

And just like that the water flew out of my mouth and I started chowing so much that I had to put the glass back into the sink as my mom worriedly rubbed my back.

That word brought bile to my throat and I quickly ran to the bathroom to vomit it all out as memories of everything that had happened all those years ago.

"Des? What's wrong?" Thato worriedly called out to me.

But all I could think about were all those painful memories that I would much rather leave in the past but each night, I saw what I could've had. Had *he* not done what he had done.

I was deeply scarred even after so many years. It was a wound that simply refused to heal. But each day, it grew smaller and smaller through Christ. Now, I understood why I was people who said time never healed. Christ is the one true healer.

I shook my head and brushed my teeth, removing the foul taste in my mouth. Forcibly pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind as I looked at the mirror above me, I was almost a shadow of who I used to be. The light in my eyes had been dimmed, and my smile no longer shone as much but I pushed through even now as my eyes watered, and my heart pleaded with the Lord to heal my broken heart and help me move on.

The Holy Spirit reminded me that, Isaiah 59:1 said "Look, the Lord's hand is not too weak to deliver you; his ear is not too deaf to hear you."

I wiped my tears and knew that my Lord would heal me in due time. And I would look back and see that it was all for His glory.

I left the bathroom, walking back into the sitting room where I found my mother and Thato sitting, hushly whispering, "Do you know what could've gone wrong? As soon as you mentioned the word boyfriend, she seems to get into a 'fight or flight' mode." My mom asked Thato as she worriedly looked at her.

"I'm fine Mom," I announced my arrival and they both stood up looking at me carefully.

"Then why did you react the way I did?" asked Thato.

"I said I'm fine," I reiterated as kindly as I could.

"Okay. I just saw some of the flowers, remembered that you absolutely loved tulips and peeked into the note and noticed that it was addressed to 'My Love D.M' your initials."

What?

"Give me the note," I demanded as Thato tentatively handed it over.

My Love D.M

I love you

~ N

No, it couldn't be. How could this be true? I told him not to come after me and just as I thought about that the doorbell rang and I offered to open it, the letter still in hand.

As soon as I opened it, I was flabbergasted, the last person I could've ever imagined to be in my life was standing before me.

The note fell out of my hands.