THE POLAR EXPRESS a multi-fandom parody

Chapter One: All Aboard!

Hannibal season two episode thirteen.

(eric cartman is the conductor btw)

Will was on his way to Hannibal's house to tell him to pack his bags so they can get ready to leave. Until his car broke down. He didn't know what to do, he uselessly tried to start the car back up again until he heard a train in the distance.

Past the strong fog was a light, slowing down, and stoping next to his car. A short fat man stepped out of the train and waved to Will, gesturing him to come closer, but Will didn't want to. Lol. The "man" yelled out so loud the sound got passed Wills car door.

"ALL ABOOOOUURD!" Will, finding this man creepy, immediately thought 'hell no' and tried to start the car up again, desperately just trying to get to his destination without any interruptions. After just looking away, he looked back to the train, and the man was creepily looking into his window, revealing himself to be a 10 year old boy.

Will didn't expect him to be there. Especially not to get all the way to his car in the matter of a second, causing Will to jolt back in a fright, gasping at the sight. The boy
spoke to Will through the glass

"Bruh, I said all aboard and 'all' is just you asshowl" he said with a bratty voice. Will steps out of his car and squats to get at the boys level. "Excuse me?" "You heard me, get on the mf train, bitch boy." Will scoffs in disbelief. "Who do you think you are???"

"The conductor of THE POLAR EXPRESS"

Will believed this boy was mental. So he ignored him. "If you'll excuse me, i'm in the middle of trying to move, so will you please," Will hesitates to ask the conductor for help realizing he's only ten "Help me fix my car." The conductor rolls his eyes in annoyance. "Ugghh... I don't have time to 'fix cars' I need to get to Christmas town. I got people in my train waiting."

Will looks up, over conductor, in disbelief that there are actually people on the train, "Oh." Will murmurs under his breath, not knowing how he's gonna get to his boyfr.. Hannibal's house.

The conductor acknowledges his worry's. "Don't worry. Your little 'friends' will be boarded soon. get in the train." "How do you know about—?" Will is rudely interrupted by the conductor grabbing and dragging him to the Polar Express as well kicks and yells at him to put him down.

The conductor drops him in the control room "I would put you with everyone else but i'd like you to be boarded with the rest of your group." The Will doesn't know what he's talking about, and gets ready to attack him. The conductor holds up a gun like- like he knows Wills every move.

They soon arrive at Hannibal's house y'all.
Jack and Hannibal are fighting, while Alana is outside the house. Alana walks to the house on her way to go in until she hears a voice behind her. "Hello, Dr. Bloom."
Alana gets startled and whips her head around. "Oh, hello." She greets the child, wondering where his parents are. "What's your name?" she asks.

"The conductor." "Conductor?" Alana questions. "You need to get on my train." The conductor says. "Why?" "Because you have a ticket to Christmas town." Alana is concerned. "I'm sorry, you must've gotten the wrong person. I don't have any tickets." The conductor look down at her hand, causing Alana to look down, curious to what's he's looking at to find not one, not two, but five fucking Polar Express tickets.

Alana drops them into the snow, not knowing how they got there. "Don't damage my tickets! I spent a lot of money printing them!" Alana just walks away. Not wanting anything to do with him. She heads inside. And while she's doing that the conductor let's Will out of the train and they both wait outside the house.

Alana gets inside of the house and sees Hannibal covered in blood. "Where's Jack?"
she asks. "In the pantry." Alana and him play out the scene. Her gun doesn't go off, she runs upstairs, Hannibal chases her. She finds Abigail, she pushes Alana out the window. Yada yada get it over with the readers want to see the polar express not this shit.

Will see's Alana fall out the window, watching her fall to the ground. He quickly runs over and tries to save her. "She'll be fine, lol." Says the conductor. "ARE YOU INSANE?? SHUT UP!! SHES DYING!" Will shouts. "Neh. Lol." the conductor heads inside while Will tries his best to keep Alana alive.

"Alright wrap it up folks!" the conductor yells. Hannibal and Abigail go downstairs to see who yelled. The conductor drags Jack out of the pantry. "Step away from the body." Hannibal warns "Bruh no." The conductor grabs a rope out of his pocket and lassos the two, along with Jack.

The conductor drags them outside yet again to meet Will and Alana and frees them from the lasso. "Alright folks we got the whole gang here, now all aboard!" "But most of us are injured!" Yells Will. "Nuh-uh" "Yes we are—" Jack, Alana, and Hannibal are suddenly fine. Not a scratch on their skin.
Not a drop of blood on their clothes.

"What's going on..?" asks Hannibal. "Y'all's entire life is a lie you're not real you're living in a Tv show so technically you're living in a simulation there no point in life so why don't you just get on the train." "I'm not sure i believe you." says Hannibal. The conductor sighs and mumbles in annoyance. "Y'all. I have had to this this about a HUNDRED times. Every. Single. Show. Every show i visit y'all NEVER COOPERATE. sigh.... so please.... just get in the train...." They don't even know what to say anymore, so they just follow him in the train.

Alana, Will, Hannibal, Jack, and Abigail walk down the isle and get in their seat. The entire time, everyone but Hannibal stare at Abigail not knowing she was alive. Jack breaks the silence. "So uhh you're alive?"
Abigail looks at Hannibal, mentally asking him what to say. Until Will interrupts.

"I was told my encephalitis was cured but it seems i am still hallucinating." "No, Will, you're not hallucinating I see it too. Dora the explorer is sitting right across from us." Alana assures.

𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥...