THE FATE

CHAPTER 24

He took me back to that forest, we were in prior. The smells and the feeling of this familiar place was coming back to me. It's like I was homesick for a place that never existed, or homesick for someone who I don't know. Like I have been here before, but I can't remember when. 

"Come sit, and talk with me," grandfathers soothing voice called to me as we approached the edge of the water and sat in the plush green grass. 

I crossed my legs and admired the endless beauty of this place, how I wish I could escape here. I ran my fingers through the soft grass, forgetting how grass actually felt. I could hear birds chirping, the wind blowing through my hair entangling it, and a brisk sweetness smell. 

"You can escape here, whenever you choose," grandfather assured me.

"I don't know how to get here without your help," I spoke with a certain sadness in my voice. Almost as if I have lost all hope and direction at finding some form of peace. 

"Well you're here now, huh?" he spoke with a certain childlike laughter while his blue eyes pierces through my soul, and the lies I've lived. 

"How can I reconnect back to the force? Back to everything I've learned?" I turned to him and spoke with passion. "I feel that big, black wall towering over me. Blocking off everything I have taken so long to build." 

He peered out over the water, and said "let go, let go of everything you have learned."

"I've been training for years and I can't forget everything I've learned?" I questioned. "I was forced to forget what I learned with Luke, I had no choice in the matter." 

I did not have a choice, once we left Luke's school. I could never speak his name again let alone mention the Jedi without getting berated. Kor and I opted to speak in private about Luke or the Jedi or just everything we were taught. 

He turned and smiled at me, "but you have that choice now, granddaughter. What you choose decides your fate in this world, just know that I will never abandon you," he huffed and took my hand in his, "choose wisely though, there are other forces at work that would love to see you fall."

"What are they?"

"It's not a matter of what, but who," he blinked as he rubbed his own hands together, "you were raised in the light, trained in the light, and have the light in you. Once you cross into the dark, I will loose sight of you, and you'll lose me."

His words struck me, they struck me like lightning. I wanted to cry but I also wanted to ask for forgiveness. I wasn't sure what to do. 

He rose to his feet, with his calloused hand extended to mine, "trust in yourself, believe in yourself. Make that choice. Make this world better."

"No, no, no. I'm not done here, please," I said. 

He smiled with his eyes and nodded to me. 

"I need your help grandfather!" I yelled out. 

As I was yanked from that peaceful scene. I opened my eyes to the cold and dark room of mine. Clothes scattered across the floor, with days old coffee cups still lingering on the dresser. 

"Fuck!" I screamed out and slammed my hands down on my bed. 

I began to feel my eyes flood, I started to feel myself breathe faster and faster. I felt the anger grow within me, how I felt like grass to a brush fire. Endlessly burning and burning, with no end in sight. How I wanted to end this pain, all this anger. But how. 

I wanted to crush everything, but then I wanted to crush myself in the process. Not caring about how I would end up. Either crushing the First Order, or the Resistance, or both of them. I just know I needed to do something.