Mío

Veinte

2 MONTHS TIME SKIP...

How can you say that you love someone
you can't tell is dyin'?
I sent you signals and bit
my nails down to the quick
My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit
that we were sick ♪

Hans

Inip akong napatingin sa labas habang nakaparada ang sasakyan na minamaneho ni Dad sa labas ng isang coffee shop. Sinamahan niya akong mamili ng mga damit na kakailanganin ko para sa trip namin to New York next week at pauwi na rin kami pero bumibili muna siya ng meryenda. One week lang naman ang trip to New York namin at napag usapan na rin namin iyon ni Kaleb and kahit ayaw niya ay wala kaming magagawa dahil birthday ni tita Ainee na kapatid ni dad Arken. She wants us there dahil may ipapakilala rin daw itong lalaki na ang rinig ko ay fiance niya na. Dad Arken also wants to be there for his sister.

Mula sa sasakyan kung saan ako nakaupo ay idinantay ko ang ulo ko sa salamin ng kotse at napatitig ako sa isang malaking poster na nakita kong nakadikit sa isang mataas na gusali.

It's Kaleb's campaign poster. Last week was the start of the official campaign period so they can engage with voters to let them know their platforms. Nagkalat na ang mga poster ng mga tatakbo ngayong taon and I keep seeing Kaleb's face everywhere.

Not that I am complaining but everytime I see his poster like this. Naalala ko ang sitwasyon namin. Sa dalawang buwan ay wala masyadong nagbago sa kinalalagyan naming sitwasyon. The only thing that changed is I can't be seen with him publicly anymore. Because everytime we're in public, the scandal about our kissing photos will always stir up and Oceanna will have to defend us everytime. Kinekwestyon na rin ng mga fans or voters kung bakit tanging si Oceanna lang ang nagsasalita at hindi si Kaleb. Kaya't hindi na talaga kami pwedeng magkita in public.

Hindi naman masyadong naging problema si Oceanna. Maybe because she also really thinks that me and Kaleb are only friends. Pero hindi niya rin ako iniintindi or mine-message kapag hindi patungkol kay Kaleb. She's a snob, and she looks at me like I am no one. Sa tuwing magkasama sila ni Kaleb ay nasisiraan ako ng ulo sa selos ngunit wala akong magawa. I can only get mad and feel defeated by everything.

Ang tanging kinakapitan ko sa sitwasyon na ito ay ang mga pangako at assurance ni Kaleb na peke ang lahat. He's only using Oceanna, the fiance thing will end after the election. He said the only truth right now is his affection for me, his feelings, his love.

Pero habang patagal nang patagal. I am also becoming a two faced person. I am the one that's becoming a fake. I care a lot about everything that is happening, it's hurting me a lot, it's taking a tool in me but I am always lying about my feelings to Kaleb. He thinks that everything is okay and that I understand everything.

I do. I do understand. I just can't accept it na walang hinanakit sakanya. I want to be weak in front of Kaleb, but everytime I'm with him, ramdam ko ang panghihina niya at hindi ko iyon pwedeng sabayan. Our relationship right now is fucked up and we're both pretending that everything will be okay, because we don't have a choice, we can't leave each other even tho we're both hurting.

Hindi naalis ang titig ko sa poster ni Kaleb kung saan napapailing ako kung gaano iyon kapeke. He's wearing a white polo shirt and he's formally smiling at the camera. He look so clean, parang hindi siya ang lalaking gabi-gabi akong dinadalaw para sakupin ang sistema ko.

He's a cheater to his fiance, and I am his accomplice.

Pinunasan ko ang tumulong butil ng luha sa pisnge ko at natawa sa sarili.

"Wow, I even shed a tear just because you're making me your other man, Kaleb." Bulong ko sa hangin nang hindi makapaniwala.

Umayos ako nang upo nang pumasok si dad Arken ng kotse na may dalang box ng cake at coffees. Sinulyapan ako nito at ngumiti.