· breath is all that matters ·

1| First steps.

Audrey didn't have any power to even get out of her bed. She didn't care that she was already almost two hours late for work, which was very weird in her behavior. She is a work addict, and a perfectionist, things like that never happend. For the whole weekend and monday, she only slept and cried in her bed. Everything in her head was too loud, every attempt of calming herself down ended up with a panic attack.

★ Text message from: Clarie Browne.★

· Why aren't you at work? Is everything fine?

She saw the message, but what she respond with? "I tried to kill myself last night", "I haven't move for the last three days"?

· Yeah, i just need a couple days off.

· Are you sure? I Am worried, so is Melendez

· And why is Melendez worried?

· Audrey. He saw your fucking self harm scars, are you doing this again to yourself?

Audreys face turned pale, she had a feeling like her heart was on a race, it was so fast that she almost threw up.

No one was supposed to know this.

She turn off her phone as she hears the doorbell ring. Irritated groan let out of her mouth, she putted on her in-home uggs and went down the stairs to open the door.

- Audrey..- She heard dr.Melendez voice as she opened the door.

- What are you doing here..- Audrey anwsered hiding her hands behind her back, having the message from Clarie in the back of her head.

- I'm really worried. Please talk with me about what's going on, and don't you dare tell me that everything is fine, cause I know it is not.

- I just need to sleep in, im tired.- She looked down at the floor, and not short after that Melendez hands landed on her cheeks.

- Audrey, mi amor.- She felt her heart stop. He didn't call her that since they broke up.- I know you're hurting yourself again, I want to help you. Please Aud.

Small tear rolled down her cheek, she needed to tell someone how exhausted she was, but she was just too scared.

- I tried to kill myself yesterday, I just can't handle this anymore..- She bursted into tears as she cuddled into his chest.

- Shhh..- He rubbed her head, as they walked into the apartment.- I'm here. I'm right here. Breathe.- Melendez closed the door not letting her out of the cuddle.

Everything was happening so quick, she had a feeling that her lungs were on fire. She had enough of everyday panic attacks.

- Lets sit down huh?- He helped her to sit on a couch while rubbing her back.

- I can't..- The coughing began once again. Her legs were uncomfortably trembeling.- I can't breathe..

- You can, I know you can, you've done this a milion times. Slowly, let's do this togheter mi amor.- Neil held her hands as he began to slowly inhale- Inhale..- Audrey inhaled very shaky, but at least she wasn't hyperventilating as much.- You are doing so amazing, and now let's exhale.- Audreys hand landed on her chest, as she was coughting more and more.

- I can't do this..- She whispered.

- Of course you can, and I will help you, come on, let's take a deep deep breath. I am right next to you.- Audrey took a couple of deep breaths, but she still was panicking.- Hey, i see you have the same marvel T-shirt on, as we first met huh? Somethings never change.- He smiled, trying to calm her down.

- Yeah..- She responded with a mild smile, but her hands and legs were still uncomfortably moving.- And the same one when we first kissed..

- You remember that kind of stuff?

- Always..- Her breathing was much much calmer, so the conversatcion paid off.- That's why it is my favorite one..- Neil kissed her forehead which she wasn't even expecting that to happend.

- Ay linda, te quiero muchísimo..- He fixed her hair behind her ear.

- You know i didn't understand a thing right?- Her face started blushing.

- It doesn't matter, I just want you to know that I will be always here to help you, always.- He took her hands, and kissed the scars that were on them. Some fresh, some healed. Neil couldn't stand the fact that she was hurting herself.

- Neil?..- She started quietly

- Yeah, mi amor?- He looked into her brown, almost black eyes.

- I've never got over you. All of the things a said while ours brokeup was not true..- He kept rubbing her scars.- I never stopped loving you, I really didn't. I just had a feeling i was not good enough for you, I should never tell you these things. I love you Neil, I really do.- She was scared that it would ruin everything, but she couldn't stand holding this in her anymore.

- Baby. I love you even more than you can imagine..- He kissed her cherry colored soft lips.- Can you promise me something guapa mia?

- Of course..- She sat on his lap, the panic disappeared.

- If you struggle, please tell me about it, I want to help you as much as I can, don't hurt yourself, you don't deserve any of that pain..

- Alright..- She looked at their hands.- I promise, but it's just so hard..

- It has a right to be rough mi amor, I'll be there for you every single time okay?- Audrey nodded and hugged him tight.

- Can you stay over tonight? Please. I feel so empty..- Her voice was unsure, but it was obvious she felt comfy around him.

- Of course Aud, always. Did you ate today?- Looking at her mental health, he was really worried that she did not took care of herself as she should.

- Uhm..- Her response was obvious, she didn't.

- Oh guapa, you have to eat please. I'll cook you something alright?

- I don't want..- Melednez didn't even let her finish it.

- Nope, you have to eat, punto.

- But im naesueos..- She tried to stop him, as he opened the frigde.

- Beacuse you probably haven't eaten in a couple of days mi amor. I won't let you destroy yourself, please.

- I don't even know what i want, I'm tired..

- Okay, how about you lay down, have a bit of sleep, and i will make something for you?

- You sure? I don't want to use you.- He hugged her and kissed her head.

- Don't even say that, I'll make us something, and you'll rest, okay?

- Okay..- She placed a kiss on his cheek, and went upstairs.
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