· breath is all that matters ·

13 | EMDR.

A couple days passed by, and the wound on Audreys neck seemed to be healing perfectly. Although the situation was not the same on her mental state, she had theraphy three times a week mostly beacuse her PTSD couldn't let her sleep through a single night.

- Everytime I try to even close my eyes for more than a couple of seconds I get this weird feeling..- She was talking to her therapist as she played with her hands.- Like everything that happend will go over and over again, like a broken tape. No matter what I do, and how I try to calm myself it always stays the same or gets even worse.- She looked right into her psychologist eyes.

- You're in the fight and flight response, as your trauma got very triggered since the last couple of weeks. Your mind makes you feel like your in danger even though it'll never happend again. We can try something called EMDR if you would like.

- How does that work?..

- It's pretty simple. I'll sit right next to you, and you will follow my fingers with your eyes while we process the things that made you develop PTSD.

- Sure?..- She tried to smile a bit, but was so confused and tired about that.
The therapist got closer to her.

- I'll ask you to follow the movement with your eyes okay? We'll take a little breaks in between so you don't go into the response and a episode, is that okay with you?- She gave her an example. Moving both of her fingers in front on her eyes from side to side.

- Of course..- She took a deep breath.

- I feel like we should start from the basics, the very first time when you started feeling unsafe, in danger. That would be the reason why you got divorced, am I right?

- I think so..

- Okay than. Close your eyes, and try to imagine the situation with the most amount of details that you can remember alright?- Audreys voice shaked as she was very anxious even thinking about it.

- I'll try to..- She closed her eyes and relaxed her shoulders. She saw everything once again, it was the most terrifying thing she ever experienced in her life.

Her body shaked as she heard the yelling once again.

- Jesus Christ, you can't even do a single thing right?!- He screamed right into her face.

- Can you not scream at me, you act like a baby and nothing more.- She couldn't let anyone treat her like that.- Just because I am not okay with the fact that you were flirting with my bestfriend from collage, doesn't mean that you get to yell right at my face.- She tried to look brave, and stay emotionless, but she was so scared and weak on the inside. The thing that she was most terrified of just happened. He slapped her across the face which made her fall on the drawer that was behind her.

- I'll do whatever I want, if I want to kill you, I will.- She held her breath from being so scared.- If you ever talk to me what way I'll kill you. Understood?

- If you ever talk to me like that I'll call the police. And I want you to sign the divorce papers.- Audrey was trying so hard not to burst into tears, and started walking down the stairs. She felt a pushing sensation on her back and litteraly fell down the stairs on her forehead. A repressed moan let of her mouth as she was in so much pain.

- What the fuck did you just say bitch?- He made her stand up even though she was so dizzy.- What do you want me to do?- Kashal almost chocked her, as he was holding her by her neck.

- Nothing..- Tears was burning her eyes, as she was struggling to take a breath.

- Audrey? It's okay, you're safe.- Her psychologist pulled her out of her episode. Audrey was shaking so bad.- Can you follow my fingers slowly?- She only shaked her head in agreement. Lim started to follow the fingers.- Try to imagine the same situation but while doing the movement, okay?..- She asked her while doing the movement in front of her eyes. Maybe twenty seconds passed as she had to stop.- What are you feeling right now?

- Scared, and like I can't breathe.

- It's okay, let's do this a couple more times alright?

After a couple of times Audrey had to close her eyes and take a couple of deep breaths to regulate herself.

- Don't push yourself too much okay? We need to work through it a couple of times so you can see the results. You might be a bit triggered, and it's okay to cry or be mad at things when you don't know why, okay?- She gave her a gentle hug.

- Thank you so much..

- Don't be, and stay safe.- She gave her a smile.

- I'll.- Audrey went out of the office, and got in the car where Neil was already waiting for her.- Hey babe..- She kissed him in the cheek

- Hi guapita, how are you feeling?- He also kissed her.

- Tired, not physically, but mentally. It was really hard.

- Oh I can imagine, but it will get easier every time you go there. Also, maybe you want to drive?

- What? How?- She was a bit excited.

- I did the pedals in the steering wheel, so you can feel more comfortable.- He smiled right at her.

- No you didn't.- She was stunned and immediately smiled from ear to ear.

- Oh hell yeah I did, come here.- They changed places, and Audrey started to drive them to the hospital so they can start theirs shifts.- Is your wound still bothering you?

- Not really, I'm just worried that something will happend again..

- It won't, the security is a lot more conceriated right now, and Andrews decided that you always will have someone by your side for a couple of days, just to stay safe.

- Alright..- She sighted.- Are you sure I should be driving?

- Yeah, it's not a problem if someone's around, but I'm not sure if you can drive around alone.

- Oh okay.- She parked in the parking lot of the hospital.- I thought I could use my cane around the hospital.- She told Melendez as she got out of the car.

- Really? That's fantastic mi amor.- She kissed him in the cheek. As they walked into the hospital everyone was so quiet it started to get loud. Almost everyone was looking at Audrey with being worried or sad.

- I am tripping or almost everyone is looking at us..- She whispered to Melendez.

- Don't worry about it, let's go check the patients, shall we?- They walked to the social room, and Lim started to realise, how ridiculous her walking looks. It didn't, in fact she was doing amazing, but the feeling of scratching her shoes on the floor made her go nuts.

- Do I look weird? I feel like my walking looks so awful.

- It does not guapa mia, really. You only need a bit more practice and no one will know you ever were on a wheelchair.- He hugged her from behind.- I thought maybe we should start moving into my dorm today?- She gently smiled, and placed her head on his shoulder.

- Sure why not. You have any surgeries today?

- Scheduled no, but who knows. Maybe some emergency ones.- Both of theirs pagers started going on and of.- It's the ER, let's go. They both changed into disposable scrubs and rushed to the emergency room.

- 27 year old female, fell at the climbing championships, head trauma and broken shoulder. Unresponsive and wasn't aware when we got there.

- How was that possible? Wasn't she attached to the safety device?- Audrey checked if her eyes were responsive.

- They said she was, but it was cut through somehow, they got the police involved.

- She's crashing.- Neil gave her epinephrine, and when her heart rate started to get back to normal rate Lim called an MRI.

- Let's get her to an MRI, and a..- Audrey went into an unexpected absent seizure. She started deadly into a wall.

- And blood work..- Neil noitced that immediately, held her hand and rubbed it with his thumb. - I'll go there in a minute, make sure that there's no internal bleeding.- He said to dr.Park, and was next to her side everysingle second.
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