· breath is all that matters ·

20 | These days.

- I'm back, it took a lot shorter than we..- He stopped talking as he saw Audrey napping on the couch.

- Hey..- She woke up when heard him.- How was it?..- He came up to her and kissed her lips.

- Good, there were no complications at all. And how are you feeling?

- Fine I guess, just a bit dizzy. And you missed something.

- What babe?..- He sat next to her placing his hand back on her stomach and felt what was happening while he was at work.- She's kicking?- His jaw was left wide opened.

- We don't know if that's a she but..- She smiled at him with happily tears in her eyes.- Let's say that, yeah she started kicking after I threw up.

- Oh my God Audrey, we're having a baby.- Neil kissed her in the forehead.

- We're having a baby.- Not only that she was so clingy, but the emotions that came with being pregnant were so strong. She didn't felt anything like this when she was pregnant with Kashals child, so the feeling of crying came everytime.

- Hey, don't cry..- He laughed and held her close to his chest.- Or maybe do, cause I don't want to find you crying at work.- That made her laugh through the tears.- How about, I schedule an ultrasound for tomorrow morning?

- It would be fantastic, but only Morgan knows about the pregnancy, and she's taking care of Eden so..

- We can go to a different place if you want, or just tell them about our little cutie.

- We can tell them it's fine but I'm worried how Andrews will react.- She placed her hand on top of Neils, beaucse the movements got more intense.

- I don't give a single fuck about him, if he has a problem than oh well.- He giggled and kissed her stomach.- I don't know how I'll go through these nine months you know?

- Oh it will be okaaay..- She brushed her hand through his black hair.- I love you.

- And I love you even more. How about I make you a hot tub?

- Damn you're spoiling me.- She laughed.- It's okay, I don't want to trigger a seizure.

- Alright then, you need anything?

- Not really, and you know that I can stand up and take care of myself Neil.- She giggled and went back to taking care of the documents.- I don't understand any of this..- She sighted, Melendez wouldn't start worrying if he didn't saw how badly her hands were shaking, something was defenetly going on.

- Aud.- He placed the tablet on the table and rubbed her cheek.- It's okay.

- I'm just worried I won't get everything done in time and..

- Audrey. It's okay.- He noticed that so many changes in such short time made her really worried and anxious, and the fact that the pregnancy remainded her of her abuser makes it even worse. Neil hugged her tightly and felt that Lim took a couple of deep breaths trying to get everything in place.- I know you are so worried about what will happend, and it's understandable. But I also know that I'll be there every second of the day, and everything will be safe alright?- She was shaking and breathing rapidly anyways, it was very hard for her to keep herself calm.

- Do you think I'm worthy being love and able to show it?..- She asked quietly.

- Baby, what are you saying? Of course. Why are you thinking that way?

- He would say that all the time, when I told him I was pregnant he didn't even react in anyway.- Audrey took a shaky breath.- I asked him to take me to the hospital when I was in so much pain and litteraly bleeding, and he..- Lim looked down when a single tear rolled down her cheek.- He just stood there and laughed at me when I was laying down on the floor in pain covered in my own blood.- She let herself to cry, and Melendez immediately hugged her when she stopped talking.

- Sweetheart oh my God..- His voice cracked as tears started filling his eyes.- I'm so proud of you that you're opening up to me, that should never happend, never ever. You deserve all the love on the planet, and I promise you that you're safe and loved in my arms..- He didn't tell her to stop crying, just held her thightly and swayed them from side to side.

- Please don't leave me Neil..- She said while crying.

- I'll never leave you Audrey, never.- He was brushing his hand through her black loose hair.- Look..- He took her hand and placed it on her stomach.- She feels very safe in here, I can assure you guapa mia. And I'm scheduling an ultrasound right now.- He looked at the free hours in the hospital, and booked an appointment.
It made Audrey a thousand times more calm, and the fact that Neil wanted to be there, and help her was the best support she could ever ask for.

- Thank you babe.- She looked right into his eyes.- I hate changing into a panicked psychopath from one second to another, it's scary..

- It's not your fault Aud, you're doing really good, I mean it. What was the last time you even had a flashback?- He fixed her hair behind her ear.

- I don't know, probably a couple weeks ago, or even more..

- See? You're going through the therapy like a trooper, the progress is fantastic.- When he was around Audrey, he turned into completely soft side of him which no one saw at work.

- You think?..

- No, I know that sweetheart.- That made Audrey smile and finally relax all the thight muscles in her body.
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Neil wondered through the kitchen while prepering some nauesa meds for Audrey as she was throwing up non stop throughout the whole night.
Audrey stepped out of the bedroom looking like a literal ghost.

- I would ask how're feeling but I can imagine.- He said smilling but with visible compassion as he hugged her gently.

- Sorry if I kept you up..

- Even if you did, it would never be an issue you know that? Are you feeling any better than before?- He fixed her hair behind her ear.

- I guess, but I'm still feeling like I've been up for at least five days straight.

- Awh, our little one won't give you a break huh?- He placed his hand at her stomach, as Audrey visbly smiled trying to fight off the dizziness.

- Yeah..- She felt incredibly safe comparing to yesterdays night. Sure she had some flashbacks in her dreams, but it was nothing as scary as the ones she had. It would be nice if she didn't spend half of the night kneeling over the toilet in the bathroom.- But it's alright, I just want her or him to be healthy..- She smiled but a little sadness could be seen in her eyes.

- Hey..- He wiped off the tear that rolled down her cheek, something was defenetly going on. Sure, pregnancy was amazing for her, but knowing all the risks from a medical perspective wasn't helpful at all, she was overwhelmed with all of the possibilities that could happend.- What's the matter mi amor?

- I'm so scared. What if something bad will happened when I have a seizure, there could be an hypoxia to the brain or..

- Baby.- He immediately calmed her down holding both of her hands.- Your seizures are non-epileptic and a result of the horror you've been through. Nothing bad will happend guapita. I can imagine how you must think about all of the medical endings that could happend, but I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere sweetheart.- She took a calming deep breath.

- Thank you. I'm out of my mind these days.- Audrey kissed him right on the lips and he placed his hand on her pale cheek.
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