path of redemption

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ － ｔｗｅｎｔｙ－ｓｉｘ.

-Estella romano

I stare up at my ceiling as the sound of music consumes my every being. The music drowns out the noise coming from every fragment of my house. I didn't notice the little crack i had forming on my ceiling. How have i never noticed that before ? My fingers twitch as a fly lands on it. I ignore it as it eventually flies off to where ever it came from. My eyes sting from the burning eye contest im having with my white ceiling. The exit by conan gray fills my eardrums . As every lyric sinks into my veins and stays there , i bite the inside of my cheek.

"Feels like we had matching wounds but mines still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine" a clear representation of ashley and mines relationship. We grew up in the same house. Lived by the same rules. The same blood. The same school...but both of us lived different stories. She was worshiped and loved. While i...i got to the live in the shadows and was forced to survive on my own. How did she survive and im barely surviving?

I clench my eyes as i try to dig some memories where she and i actually got along. I dont find any. I evetually give in and touch my lips. Its exactly like hers. I touch my entire face. Hair . Ears. Exactly the same.

I gulp as i slowly touch my arms. A weight sits in my throat as the sudden urge to throw up corrupts me. Its not the same like hers. She didn't have these...she didn't have scars that her own self created. I think I'll ask myself for the rest of my life ,why?

why i wasnt looking forward to living life ?Why i question every single thing i do? Why did i ruin the little girls skin? She must be so disappointed in me. I know i am.

Conans voice fades away as every consuming thought goes away with it and i come back to reality. I lick my dry lips.

This is what happens when im left alone for too long. I enjoyed solitude. But i also craved longing. I take off my headphones as i throw it beside me on the bed. Slowly different sounds come from every corner of my house. I can hear the laughter of my mother and father . The sounds of the water running in the bathroom . The birds chirping that ive grown use to. And the sounds of cars driving on the road. I close my eyes for a second as i float back into reality.

I sit up as i rub my face...stretching it to my hair as it slips through the knots.

My stomach rumbles as it reminds me that i need food. I push the thought away as i stand up. A wave of black dots cloud my vision as i almost stumble to the back. I hold onto my desk as i wait for the black dots to go away. I let out a breath as i straighten my spine and grab my phone.

I stare at the text of april and rory asking me to join them tonight at some illegal racing.

The instinctive move to scream no hits me but i stop myself. I bite my lip hesitantly. Its a saturday night. And I'd drown in my thoughts if i was left alone here for too long. So i do the only stupid thing i can do. I say yes , as i throw my phone back on the bed.

I haven't spoken to zaid since thursday in the English period. He didn't come to school and when lia and i had a conversation i tried to indirectly bring zaid into the conversation so she didn't think i was obsessed with her brother.

Which i wasn't.

But for some weird reason. She kept on getting nervous and changing the subject. It was like she knew something. So she was no luck. And then i eventually gave up. I came to senses. I wasn't his girlfriend. Or a hookup. Its just he became part of my daily routine and it was like i needed to know his where abouts.

I look at the time ...its 19:57 pm.

The day went fast. I dont know how long ive been laying there on that bed for but i know it was long. I check my phone again as to know what time i had to be ready.