path of redemption

chapter forty-six.

Estella romano

Somethings different this morning. I can't place where im feeling this familiar hollow ache from. Im asleep , but i can still feel my surroundings. The only thing telling me that my alarm will go off soon , is the blinding sun shining inside my room. Did i forget to close my blinds again?

I slowly open my eyes , as my surroundings become clear to me.
I click my toungue against the roof of my dry mouth as i try to gather moisture to erase this uncomfortable feeling. I roll my lips inside of my mouth in the process.

I sit up and a blinding painful jolt crosses through me. I groan as i topple over . What the hell?

I take deep breaths as i try to move again but another jolt of pain crosses through me. Did i hurt myself or something? I push the blankets slowly away from me and thats when i stop in my tracks.

No...

No it can't be .

"Fuck" i whisper as i scramble from the bed. Blood coated between my thighs and on my bedsheet. Tears gather in my eyes from the pain in my lower region and the fact that this could only mean one thing.

My period is back.
I've been eating too much.

I swallow the lump in my throat as big fat tears fall from my eyes and down my chin.

Any sane person would've loved the fact that they've got their period back. Im not sane. Im not sane at all. My period coming back meant i was eating again. Eating too much infact. I lost my period last year . I got use to the fact of not going to this never ending pain again. Guess all things come to an end.

A wave of dizziness takes over me as i balance my one hand on my bed and on my hip "Thanks universe. Get me pregnant next time , will ya?" I mumble under my breath as i slowly walk to my bathroom. The ache getting worse with each passing moment.

God , why'd we have to suffer through this again?

I make sure the bath is full of warm water, before i start taking off my clothes. I don't think twice before sinking into the scalding hot water. A sigh of relief welcomes me as i feel the warm water fighting against my cramps.

For now . My subconscious reminds me.

I rest my head back as i hold my stomach , hoping to lessen the ache.
My ears perk up at my alarm going off outside my room. Indicating , what I've been dreading. Going to school.

I mean , i could stay at home. But I've missed out on alot of work. And i can't stay out again or else I'll get another one of moms "lectures".

After about sitting in the bath tub for 30 minutes. I decide to get out and grab a towel. As soon as the cold air hits me. My body inches to get back into the lukewarm water again. The ache slowly starts to come back as i groan in frustration. I walk into my bedroom again as i look for what to wear.

Not being picky and i already feel like shit. I won't be dressing to impress anyone . Im already in a shitty mood.
I settle for a huge baby blue hoodie and some black leggings , i don't have the energy to put on any tight jeans , considering i don't want to put pressure on my stomach to make the pain more worse. I make sure to put on a pad. And some in my bag , just incase. I comb out my messy hair leaving it wavy as i pair it with a black head band. I leave my face bare. When im finally settled , i grab my pair of sneakers and step into them. I make sure to grab some pain killers too. Although i don't think that would help at all. I almost forget about the bloody sheets. I throw then im my washing machine , with some water and detergents so they can soak. So when i come back . The job will be easier for me.

God , i feel awful.

Can i kill myself now or later?

After getting myself done , i walk downstairs as the quiet house greets me. Where the hell is everyone ? I'd usually hear the chatter from everyone. Or rahul and ashley arguing over who gets to eat the last pancake. I haven't spoken to ash since that night. And her working as the hockey teams new nurse or whatever isn't helping at all.