Johnny SilverHand - Never Fade Away

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Black, pitch blackness was all I saw for miles. It was peaceful. There was no city noises, no gunshots every night, there was nothing but peace and quiet.

-

V was a Corpo "scum" like most city
Folk would call her, she hated her job, it made her life worse. She had severe anxiety and the stress of the job kept building up and up, no matter how one would look at it she was doomed. She was desperate to get a job and now she regrets ever taking this job. It was just to much for her, the constant pressure to constantly do "perfect" at her job, if she quit, her life would be over.

Until she met Jackie welles, that is.

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Time skip

"Okay T-Bug what's the time looking like?" I asked her over the comms, pacing around the room, Jackie standing by the window, eyeing me. "The ICE is thicker then I thought, it'll be a couple of hours, settle your asses down and stay put." Her comms cut off after that.

I sighed, my head feeling all fuzzy from using that flathead. I sat down on the couch, rubbing my forehead hopping the oncoming headache will go away. "V, are you okay?" Jackie's concerned voice broke through my thoughts, 'not really, the stress is killing me.'  I thought before looking up at him. He was crouched down staring at me with those absolutely beautiful eyes of his, concern laced all over his face.

"I'm okay, jack. Just.. just need a minute." I mumbled out, watching his every move. I could feel my face getting hot. "Mhm, don't lie to me chica, your stressed out beyond belief and your anxiety is through the roof, I've known you long enough to know this." He chuckled and hesitated a bit before continuing "Let me relieve some of your stress, please." He asked softly, a hint of something I didn't recognize in his voice. I literally internally screamed.

"I-i uh.. just this once Jackie.. okay?" I could feel my face getting hotter by the minute. He nodded, grabbing my hand and pulling me into him.

holding my face, like I was a precious being, someone he loved.

he kissed my lips, the heat between us, the pent up frustration going into this makeout sesh was hot as fuck, I could feel my wetness already. I could hear my heart in my ear, beating so loudly I think Jackie could hear it and feel it,  Jackie slowly started to kiss down my neck, quiet moans left my lips as i grabbed onto him, holding him. Hoping this moment never ends.

I realized then and there I had fallen in love with this big gonk.

Those three hours blew by very.. very quickly.

-

(Fast forward)

I sat here at the very bar, Jackie brought me to every other day when we had time. He loved this bar, mama welles is here and his friends and family.  It had been weeks since Jackie died.

I chugged down multiple different kinds of alcohol, it got rid of the pain in my heart I've been feeling every day, since Jackie passed away. I never had time to mourn, being thrown instantly into a situation i never asked for, the fact I was dying because of johnny SilverHand's construct in my headz eating my brain away. Jackie wouldn't like him. I always wondered if I went back and refused the chip, he'd still be here. But I wouldn't wish this chip on anyone else. It's painful, sucking my life away, day by day I get weaker and weaker.

Me and johnny silverhand had actually came to a mutual agreement and have started to slowly become friends. We still argue but we try to overcome it.

Johnny knew about Jackie, of course he did, he lives in my head rent free and has seen almost all of my memories. I keep certain ones locked away however. Johnny always left me to my thoughts whenever I got this way.

But tonight, the overwhelming feeling of grief and hurt is very evident as I kept asking for more and more beers. Jackie's favorite beer the most. I hated it, the taste was disgusting, one of the worst beers ive ever had but i kept drinking them. It reminded me of him so much.

My head was spinning and everything started to get very blurry, I could feel my stomach churn. So I quickly rushed to the bathrooms, tripping and stumbling over myself, rushing into a stall and locking it as bile built up in my throat, It all came out at once. My throat and nose burning, not appreciating the acidic bile that's coming out of my nostrils. 

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I leaned my throbbing head against the stall, cleaning my mouth off. "Fuck, my whole body hurts.." my words slurred as I spoke, very much drunk still. Suddenly johnny appeared, sitting down on the bathroom floor across from me, leaning up against the stall. Smoking a digital cigarette. Suddenly I wanted a cigarette.

"I think you overdid yourself, v" johnny teased, a arrogant smirk on his face. The face I want to punch so hard right now. I could feel the sorrow and all of the stress of everything building up, I was close to my snapping point. "Please stop johnny.." i barely whispered out, putting my knees to my chest and laying my head on them. Tears threatening to spill over now.

"Why?" Johnny asked softly, the smirk faltered a bit.

"I-im really not in the mood.. to bicker." My voice cracking. Johnny's smirk was gone, a flash of concern on his face.  It was all to much, I lost my job, my entire life. Then Jackie built it up for me, he saved me, he showed me what love was like and I lost him too, he's gone, the overwhelming feeling of being alone was to much, the feeling of grief and hurt hitting me all at once, the fact he's no longer here. It's killing me inside. A big hole is in my chest. Theoretically speaking.

I covered my head up with my arms, sobbing violently and uncontrollably into my knees, not caring if johnny was here.