Tubbo angst

10: Nightmare

Tubbo POV
"are you using that blade for self harm.?" That hit me like a train at full speed. He asked me not to lie. I know he saw the bandages. I know he knows. I looked down. I refused to make eye contact. "Tubbo.." He said taking my hand in his. "You can tell me what's going on, no judgement, no yelling, no saying anything. I'll simply listen and be there for you. " he made it sound so safe. He made it sound like I could trust him with this. "Don't leave. not again." "I wont. I promise" I told him everything. Everything that was in my heart and mind. I told him how shitty I felt all the time. I told him how I almost committed but didn't.

Once I was done. He was gone. He was no longer in front of me. He was no longer in the room. Instead it started to fill with black fluid. It was an ooze like consistency. It seeped in from the ceiling and from the floor beams. "RANBOO" I tried to scream for him but the ooze pooled out of my mouth. Soon when I blinked the ooze got in my eyes and covered them. My cuts were exposed and they dripped black ooze. I tried to stand but all I did was sink. It was like the floor was completely gone. It was just bottomless. I screamed for someone, anyone, but no one came. I heard laughing and then I saw my close friends and family laughing at me and pointing. They were blacked out figures with white eyes. The laughing got louder. There was nothing I could do anymore. I sunk. And sunk. And sunk. Until I couldn't breath. Right when I was about to pass out. I woke up.

(HAH BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS ALL A DREAM DID YA? HAHA I'M BACK BITCHES (shouldn't call y'all bitches and I'm not back it's just 3 am and I got school in the morning and I'm not sleeping)

I woke up in a pool of sweat like the dream, except, this was real. I was crying. I hugged myself. I had never had that bad of a night terror. All I could do was cry. I cried until the voices came flooding back. 'Worthless.' 'It was just a dream so shut up' 'don't let him hear you or he'll leave' 'cut' 'do it come on' it got loud again. All I could do to silence them a little bit was to get up. It was so early. I looked at the time, 6:32 am. I quickly remembered my pants. The dream was a sign to grab them before mom. I got down the loft as quickly as I could without waking Ranboo up. I went into the bathroom and rummaged through my pants. It was there. I quickly took it out. Thank god. 'USE IT' I did. I took my pants off and cut my thigh. It hurt. But it shushed the loudness in my head. There was a fair amount of blood when I was done so I grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned it up. I flushed the evidence. I put the pants back and put mine on then took the blade and hid it again in my pocket. I crawled back into bed and tried to sleep.

I failed. I layed in bed for a good 3 hours until I finally heard Ranboo wake up. I sat up and saw him grab his phone and take his headphones off. "Good morning" I said getting up. "How long have you been awake?" He asked tiredly. "About 3 hours. I call shower" I said quickly and got my clothes. "Alright" he responded trying to get up and awake. I went into the bathroom to shower.

Ranboo POV
I finally woke up a bit more and decided to make coffee. I made Tubbo some too. I started to think about the bandages that Tubbo wore. It wasn't a good idea to snoop through friend's things but I just wanted to make sure he wasn't doing what I think he was. I decided to just go for it and if I did find something to keep quiet about it until he said anything or if it got super bad and I feel like he was gonna do something super bad then I'll say something. I got up and quietly walked up to the loft. I opened his dresser drawers and looked around making sure to put everything back how it was. I moved to the next drawer and found what I was looking for. It was a few razors. There was 4 and they looked like the razors from pencil sharpeners. 2 we're bloodstained. I looked at them with sadness. I didn't know it was this bad. I didn't realize how many he had. I took a deep breathe and closed the drawer. I walked down the steps and went back to my coffee. Tubbo turned the shower off a few minutes later.

Tubbo POV
I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. I didn't look in the mirror and decided to just get my clothes on and dry my hair and walk out without looking at myself. "Hey" Ranboo said as I walked into the kitchen from the bathroom. I smiled at him and sat down on the seat across from him. "Hows ur coffee" I asked him because he was a good way through his coffee. "It's good, I made you some." He said putting the cup in front of me. "Thanks man" I said taking a drink. Ranboo just looked at me while I drank. "You alright?" I asked him. "Are you?" He asnwered. I nodded to him. "Then yes" he said coming to sit next to me. It was a little weird but whatever. I didn't think much of it. A little while later we decided to play some games on the floor. We played card games and also some switch games I had.