Tubbo angst

11: Well.. shit

Tubbo POV
Me and Ranboo were playing a card game and I had won. After I shuffled them again he asked if we could play Minecraft. "Oh yea sure" I said putting the cards back in the box and away. He stood up and turned on his PC. I did the same. We got onto our origins server and started roaming around doing our own thing and talking a little bit through vc since we were a good bit away from eachother. Ranboo came up to my character and started pushing me sometimes when I was in a chest or my inventory. I smiled and hit him to stop but he wouldn't. I didn't really mind though, I thought it was funny.

A little while later Ranboo decided to go mining for a little while and I decided to get off since I wasn't really doing much. I pulled up a chair beside him so we wouldn't have to talk through vc and I watched his screen periodically while I played a game on my phone. We talked about dumb topics and eventually I put my chair back and sat on the couch leaving him alone. I was listening to music through my earbuds while I layed on the couch and accidentally took a nap.

Ranboo POV
I was on origins smp mining when I noticed Tubbo asleep on the couch listening to music. I smiled and got up to get a snack. I smiled at Tubbo asleep when I went back to my desk. However I frowned right after because I had fully seen the blood covered bandage on his arm. I don't know how much longer I can ignore this. I know he would want it to be a secret but I don't want him majorly harming himself like I've known people once tried. I went back to the SMP and continued to mine.

After a while of mining and a stack of diamonds later I decided to get off. Tubbo was still asleep so I went over to him. I sat by his head because he was laying with his feet near the arm of the couch. I put my hand on his head and listened to the wind of the fan as I pet tubbos head. I looked over at the clock near the TV and it was about 1 pm. He woke up super early so he must have been tired, I thought. Tubbo began to stur. His facial expression did not look pleasant. "Ranboo.." He whispered. "Tommy.." He whispered again. He was asleep and sounded worried. I didn't want to wake him up because he seemed super tired. "Why.." He whispered. I continued to pet his head to try to comfort him without waking him.

Tubbo POV
I had fallen asleep on the couch and had another nightmare. Ranboo and Tommy were over at my house and they all the sudden started yelling at me and telling me how bad of a friend I was. I started crying in my dream and asking them what I had done and if I could fix it. They just yelled and said they never wanted to be friends with me. I collapsed to the floor telling them, begging them to not leave me. Ranboo had his bags packed and they said it was over and they both left. I sat on the ground sobbing.

Ranboo POV
Tubbo started to cry as he slept. I immediately woke him up. He was startled and sat up quickly. He was still crying. "Sorry." Is all he said. I told him it was alright and asked if he was alright. He said he was just that he had a really bad dream. When I asked him about it he said he couldn't remember all the details he just knew it was bad. I said okay and trusted him. He told me he was going to the bathroom and left.

Tubbo POV
I went into the bathroom and just unraveled my bandages and started cutting. I didn't even know why I was, everything just came crashing down again. I did so much I got light headed and dizzy again. I couldn't breathe. I felt myself pass out again.
Soon enough I was in Ranboo's arms with my arm rebandaged. He was petting my head and waiting for me to wake up. He had taken the blade away from me.

Ranboo POV
Tubbo was in the bathroom for 15 minutes and I got worried. I went over to the bathroom and knocked on the door. No response. "Tubbo?" I said. Still nothing. I reached for the door knob and it was unlocked. I slowly opened it and saw Tubbo laying on the floor with his arm bloody as all hell. I opened the door quickly and grabbed a wash cloth. I cleaned the blood up and grabbed the first aid kit and grabbed the bandages from it and proceeded to wrap his arm and threw the blade and other bandages in the trash. I cleaned any blood on the floor and tried to wake him up. I got no response but he was breathing. I decided to wait a bit since it didn't seem too severe.

5 minutes passed and he finally woke up. He looked at me and looked around. I pet his head to comfort him so he wouldn't freak out when he woke up. It didn't help too much though. He immediately sat up and I could tell he was trying to hide heavy breathing. "Hey it's okay. I kinda knew something was up" I told him. I took his hand and held it. "I'm sorry.." He said as he cried. "It's okay, I get it. I know things happen. I know somedays things feel like shit." He looked at me with teary eyes. "I'm so sorry.." I hugged him. He cried into my shoulder. I guess he had a lot built up. All I could really do was hold him in this moment. "I love you tubbo. Please know that. I don't want you to isolate your feelings. You can tell me anything. I promise. I will be here to listen and help.