Tubbo angst

13: Try?

Tubbo POV
I started crying. I didn't know how to react. There is no way he can really think that. "Hey" ranboo said suddenly because he realized I was crying. He crouched a little to see my face while I was looking down. I felt like a child.. "It's okay dude" he said. I whipped my eyes but was still crying. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't know what was happening. I had never cried this much. "Come here" ranboo said softly as he pulled me into a hug. I'm 17 fucking years old. I shouldn't be crying. I feel like a child. I feel like shit. I cried in his arms. I shouldn't be putting this on him but I can't help it. Everything is so loud. I feel so dirty. I don't feel well.. I felt myself getting dizzy again. I was shaking. I couldn't hear Ranboo say anything but it felt like he was. I couldn't move. The room was spinning. I closed my eyes and tried to wait for it to stop. It took a good 5 minutes. Ranboo had pulled away to make sure i was okay because of how long I was crying and shaking. "Dizzy.." I said. "Okay let's get you off the floor and into a chair or on the couch. "couch please.." I said trying to get up myself but failing and Ranboo had to help. We got to the couch and Ranboo said he was gonna use the restroom. I nodded and sat there. I wanted this all to end. I thought about it. I really wanted it to be over. The dizziness, the body aches, the pain. I really thought about going over to the kitchen and grabbing a knife. Ranboo wouldn't be too happy but at least I wouldn't be a burden anymore. I needed to shower but I'd probably find a way to kill myself if I did. I sat on the couch. I layed my head back and heard Ranboo get out of the bathroom. He walked over to me and sat down. "Hey I got a question" he said. "Shoot" "have you been diagnosed with anything? Sorry if it's a bit personal" "yea. Dyslexia." "I meant like mental health wise. " "no.. And I'm sure if I of tested they would just put me on super high meds and I'd hate life even more" I said looking away from him. "Maybe you should make an appointment. It might help Tubbo" "I DON'T WANT TO BE PUT INTO A FUCKING MENTAL INSTITUTION RANBOO" I started crying at the thought. "I CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT. THEN EVERYONE WOULD KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME. IF I GET TESTED I RISK BEING LOCKED AWAY FROM EVERYONE. I'M DOING MY FUCKING BEST TO STAY OUT MENTAL PLACES." I screamed at him while balling my eyes out again. "Tubbo.. All I'm saying is get tested. No one will make you go to a mental institution. I promise. You will only go to one if you want to go." He said as he looked me in the eyes and put his hand on my shoulder. "Please tubbo. Just get tested and if there is something you can get meds for then please try them." I thought about it. I really didn't want to. But I didn't want to feel like this anymore. "Can I sleep on it.." I asked quietly. "Of course." "Can we stop talking about this.. I don't wanna cry anymore. My eyes hurt" I mumbled. "You wanna play a game to get your mind off it, if you're not still dizzy" "Mhm" I said getting up to look at switch games I had. We decided on Splatoon.

This is short bc I physically cannot get this chapter to 1000 words idk what to write😭

Also y'all I keep forgetting I write so I'mma work on the one shots book for a bit until I get a better idea for this story❤