"One way or Another." [ Chrollo x Reader x Hisoka ]

"Bartender"

Undoubtedly, we had a lot of history together. You wouldn't think it uncommon, rather it'd be bizarre if we never got along before the Phantom Troupe's creation. Still, this feels like a set back. Did I lose something all those years I stayed by his side, while being completely unwanted? Or did it only hit me now that the reason I adore being his right hand is because of the attention he gives me.

I can't drink on just any occasion, and most everyone in my life knows it. It's just something I don't take a habit to, however I find myself at a bar, waving at the bartender for another drink. I also don't tend to drink darks, I much prefer any alcohol that's clear and very much see through. But understanding that pills taste better with darks, I take a couple of sleeping pills.

Am I truly that bad? Is there no way out of my life other than rocking me? Maybe that's a good thing. I will never miss the presence of those who didn't make me feel, and if you don't feel anything around someone then why would you be near them? It doesn't need to mean anything... Right?

I feel like I lost Chrollo. He's right next to me and I can't feel him. After the outburst he had, he refused to let me leave alone, he was so adamant that he even canceled the troupe reunion. No matter what it is, I know that he tends to make the right decision, so why isn't he stopping me? I'm drinking, I'm taking pills, none of that is normal.

-"Have you thought long enough, Ari?"- A soothing voice came from Kuro, his eyes were tender again, not because of whatever fit he had before, rather he noticed it.

-"I'm not quite sure this time."-

He hasn't changed at all. He just switches the routine, he's on my last nerve, but it's not like there's anything I can do. I need him to say something, whatever it is. Please just help this poor girl you have stuck on your hip to escape your grasp. It's not fair. It's never been fair between us though.

-"I hope you remember that I can't stop you from doing what you wish."- He swirled his wine while he said that, preparing himself to take a sip of the aged-drink. But I just looked at his profile, and thought of the first time I'd left him.

The only time we saw each other was when the Troupe needed us, together, a unit to represent what we were faking. Although the amount of anger building in him was unfathomably low, compared to what I felt, Kuro was the one who had started this treatment. Partially, it was the obvious reason of my disappearance from the Troupe.

Everything would change in just barely, four months. Nothing actually happens when you leave for four months, to be in an unsheltered reality, is what most would say. But the madness of being alone was rising incredibly fast, it got to the point were I could see him in the mirror just as perfectly as the picture of him I'd always carried.

Nothing was visibly different for him one I came back, except for his adamant resistance to not speaking to me in a meeting, until we were alone that is. Four walls were all that separated us from the rest of the Crew, but it mattered not to him, apparently this was the most important thing he simply had to do after the official meeting was over, and they carried on as usual.

See, they didn't find it weird at all, not un-fit, rather perfectly boring. We tended to go to a more secluded space after each reunion, and, maybe it's because Chrollo wouldn't let Hisoka join the Troupe yet. I'm talking about the first time I'd chosen to leave the Troupe, not permanently nor anything of the sort, but we're focusing on my return.

-"You've played by all my rules, but I can't forget it. Damnit, Kuro! What's wrong with you?!"- I used to be much more reactive, what they call a, short-fuse.

-...-

-"Are you tired of me? Is that it? Why don't you want me. Am I that hard to love?"- Again, reactive, but I was tired, I needed my friend's comfort, and he attempted to give that to me, he came close and tried hugging me, but I just swatted his hands away, he sighed profusely.