Kulang na lang ay may marinig na kuliglig sa paligid namin. I think that they all feel the tension between me and Kuya Maddox.
Pareho na kaming nasa salas. Sa kamay ko ay bitbit ang isang bag kung saan ko nilagay ang mga damit.
“Where are you going?”
Napalunok ako. Si Belinda ay makahulugan ang tingin sa akin at lumipat kay Kuya Maddox. They are all ready to go home too. Sasabay na rin ako.
“Uh, uuwi muna sa bahay…” I answered not looking at him.
“Mom’s not here.”
Lalo akong napapikit. “Kaya makakauwi ako.”
Tito prepared a birthday trip to Tita Chona. Kami lang ang paniguradong maiiwan ni Kuya Maddox and… I don’t think I can handle that.
Saglit lang ang tingin ko sa kanya pero nakita ko agad ang pag-iiba ng mukha ni Kuya Maddox. Belinda clapped her hands and laughed a bit.
“What’s the matter here? Kuya Dox?”
“Nothing. Nagtatanong lang ako.”
Tumango ako kay Bel at lumapit sa kanya.
“Sabay na lang ako sa’yo,” I started.
“Sure-”
“Ako na ang maghahatid sa’yo, Achie.”
“No,” mabilis kong agap.
Our eyes met and I almost begged him. Umiiling-iling ako pero mabilis ang paglapit ni Kuya Maddox sa puwesto namin.
My grip tightened on my bag. Si Kuya Maddox ay nakahawak na rin do’n at pilit kinukuha sa akin.
“Ayos lang naman na sumabay na si Achie sa amin, Kuya. Mabilis lang naman daanan iyon,” si Bel.
“Sa kanila na ako sasabay para hindi na abala.”
Mas lalong nagyukot ang mukha ni Kuya Maddox. Napabuntong-hininga siya at bahagyang lumuwag ang hawak sa bag.
“I have nothing to do here, Achie. Ako na ang maghahatid sa’yo.”
“Kuya Maddox,” may diin na sa tawag ko.
“May nangyari ba? Did you two fight?" usisa na ni Daphne.
“Ready na ang sasakyan,” pasok naman ni Anson sa bahay. He looks confused as we’re all quiet.
“Why? Bakit kayo nag-away?” si Daphne ulit.
“Nag-away? Sino?”
I shook my head and freely gave my bag to Kuya Maddox.
Wala akong nagawa kun’di ang sumunod sa kanya palabas.
The ride is dead silent. Hindi talaga ako kumikibo at halos madikit na ang mukha sa salamin.
Nakailang tikhim na si Kuya Maddox pero hindi ako lumilingon. Hindi nagtagal ay tinawag na ako.
“Achie.”
I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed.
“Are you mad?”
Umiling lang ako habang nakatingin pa rin sa labas.
“Just to be clear… hindi ako naaawa sa’yo, Achie,” my head snap at him. “I’m sorry if I made you felt that.”
Saglit siyang tumingin sa akin. His Adam’s apple bobbed and I saw the side of his lips rose a little bit.
“Almost everyone saw the Achie with Miki before. I’m curious because she sounds magical.”
Nagsalubong ang kilay ko. Bumuka ang bibig ko pero nanginginig na nagsara rin. I don’t know where Kuya Maddox is going with this.
“But they never saw you after Miki. I saw how you did your best… and I think that you’re more miraculous.”
I felt the side of my eyes burned instantly. Inialis ko ang tingin kay Kuya Maddox at parang may nagbara sa lalamunan.
“No. S-stop with that…” bulalas ko.
Matapang kong binalik ang mga mata kay Kuya Maddox. He made sure not to look at me this time. I saw a glimmer on the side of his eye. Namumula ang tainga at napalunok.
This is so hard.
As much as I don’t want to hurt him, I can’t afford to lie on his face.
“It's been years but Miki is still here,” turo ko sa parte ng dibdib kung nasaan ang puso. "He remains here, Kuya Maddox. Kaya hindi ko alam…" ilang beses akong umiling.
“I know, Achie-”
Agad ko siyang pinutol para ipaintindi. Tuloy-tuloy ang litanya ko.
“He can't hug his mom anymore? I'm here to embrace Tita Chona tightly. He didn't have the chance to march on the stage, he's in my every thought as I'll put on my cap and toga. He's not here to fall in love again with the Christmas season, I'm here to stare in the flickering colored lights. Miki's not-"
Inialis ni Kuya Maddox ang isang kamay sa manibela at sinenyasan ako. Abruptly, the car stopped.
He looked at me with his eyes so red and in the verge of tears.
“Achie, hindi ko naman hinihiling na limutin mo si Miki. He can exist there," turo sa akin. "But… I want to join too."
I bit my lip as my heart shatters. Halo-halo na ang nararamdaman. I ache for Miki. I ache for our memories. I ache for Kuya Maddox and him begging. I ache for myself.
"I can hug you and mom tightly. I can assist you with your toga. Tutulungan kita, Achie. I'll put on your ribbon too. You can still imagine him in the colorful Christmas lights. Papalibutan ko ng maraming ilaw ang paligid…"
My breathing hitched as he tucked a loose strand of my hair. Nangungusap ang mga mata sa akin.
“K-kuya Maddox,” I started crying when I called out his name.
Pilit kong inaalis ang hawak niya sa akin. I can’t look at him straightly. I feel like I’m responsible for his pain. And I don’t want to see him like this.
I started reasoning out and trying to convince him.
“You’re just confused, okay? I guess that you… felt responsible for me! No… no… you aren’t. Kaya ko. And we’re just sad and devasted because of Miki. I understand! But… d-don’t do this.”
Umiling-iling lang si Kuya Maddox. He called me with tears flowing on his face. The first time I saw him… like this.
“Kuya Maddox!”
Halos magharumentado na ako at hawakan siya sa balikat para gisingin.
“Kuya naman…”
Nangibabaw na ang paghagulgol ko. Ilang hampas ang pinakawalan ko sa dibdib niya.
He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve me.
Tinulak-tulak ko pa siya habang patuloy na nagwawala ro’n. I yelled because of the pain I am inflicting on someone.
Pilit punasan ni Kuya Maddox ang mga pisngi ko at iharap sa kanya. He called my name for many times as if it’s the only word he knew.
“Achie… I want to take care of you as you take care of what remains of Miki.”
BINABASA MO ANG
Seen There, Done That (Sensara Series 1)
RomanceThe thing about Kashina Eve Natividad is you'll never see her struggling. People though, don't realize that just because she appears strong, quiet, and calm doesn't mean she doesn't have much to say. She'll never be your favorite sunshines or sunri...
