Survivor's Guilt

II (It's Starting Again)

My body is still on fire when I awake the next morning. Spencer is still sleeping in the window seat. I'm not surprised in the slightest. I pick up the glass on my nightstand drinking the contents down. My body writhes in agony, I endure it as silently as I can. I don't know the name of the demon living rent-free in my body but now that I know I will take every precaution to keep them as weak as possible. I wait until the pain has become tolerable and then get myself out of bed. I grip the bedpost my legs threatening to buckle.

You've got this Porter.

My conscience still refers to me by my maiden name, a silent connection to my parents. A silent reminder of who I'd been before we took down the ones responsible for my parent's death. It's a slow and painful journey to the bathroom. I find my toiletries and a fresh outfit waiting for me. I send a silent thank you to Johnny while I shower and get ready for the day. There's not much I can do with a potential murder charge over my head. All I can really do is hope the detective is okay and that he doesn't press charges.

"Good morning, sunshine."

"I don't understand how you can be this chipper in the mornings," I grumble.

"Coffee and screams of agony, they do wonders for my self-esteem." Johnny sets a plate down in front of me. My stomach recoils at the sight.

"I know it doesn't look remotely appetizing, but it will help lessen the burning sensation you're experiencing from the holy water." He replies. "Just remember to eat slowly."

I nod once, taking a single bite. My knee-jerk reaction is to spit it right back out. My body craving something else entirely. The mere thought makes my skin crawl. It is sheer determination that drives me to finish the contents of my plate. Johnny places a glass in front of me. I start to tremble not remotely looking forward to the agony again. Johnny's expression clearly conveys that if I don't take it willingly, he's got a plan b.

"I've got good news Kaitie Koala." He says after I finish my glass. I can barely keep myself conscious. I do not have a high tolerance for agonizing pain. My Aunt Caroline knew this and exploited this weakness at every opportunity. He smiles apologetically looking genuinely uncomfortable at the action of causing me pain.

"You know the name of the demon possessing me and know how to get them out?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"Work in Progress." He leans against the counter. "My dad is awake, Kaitie. He's going to be okay."

Relief floods through me tears start to run down my face. Detective Christian was alright I had taken back control at just the right moment. I hear footsteps coming down the stairs my best friend and husband Spencer Charnas takes a seat next to me. his phone is lit up with text messages. I can't be sure if they're from his manager or from his bandmates. Either way, Johnny excuses himself from the kitchen to give us time alone.

"I blacked out in the beginning too."

I freeze, Spencer hardly talked about his time being possessed by Dev. He only told me about the deal he made with the Prince of Wrath. I can feel something shifting restlessly underneath my skin. Whoever this is, they don't like Spencer. I move instinctively closer placing my hand on top of his. His smile never ceases to make me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I wait for him to continue wanting to know how I can stay in control and stay aware.

"The first time it happened, I was at the House of Blues. We had just come off-stage. I can't remember who we were on tour with. I remember being hungry and nothing I ate that day was satisfying. I felt this overwhelming anger taking over and this voice saying it would all be over soon. I woke up in an alleyway covered in blood and a pile of bones at my feet." Spencer runs a hand through his hair.