Survivor's Guilt

XI (Say a Prayer for the Wicked Souls)

I officially feel like the worst person on the planet and my moral compass is royally fucked. I lost track of time with Andy; it was my fault for letting Lilith have control. I return to the Ice Nine Kills bus at about three in the morning. I nearly jump out of my skin at the sight of Spencer sitting on the couch covered in blood. I start to panic rushing over to his side. He startles me by gripping my arm painfully tight. I cry out in pain as his dark eyes lock onto mine flashing jet black.

"Someone has been a naughty girl."

"Dev?! Did Spencer..."

I can't bring myself to finish my sentence. He promised me he wouldn't make a deal with Sathanas again. He gave Johnny his word, he wouldn't let a demon possess him. Yet here he is, and I am equally angry and terrified. My hand reaches for my phone, and Spencer's hand catches my wrist.

"You might want to rethink your current choice, Little Porter."

I hold up my hands seeing the taunting look in his eyes. With Lilith resting soundly in my mind I'm on my own. I handled the Prince of Wrath on my own before. If I needed to, I have alternate ways of summoning backup. I also knew the exorcism ritual by heart. Josiah taught me one night when my mind wouldn't let me sleep.

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"My dear, you didn't ask me a complete question and because of mother, I can't read your mind. Use your words, Koala."

"Did Spencer make a deal with you?"

"Nope, this was a hostile takeover, Lucifer's orders." He leans back against the couch.

"Why? Why is he so obsessed with me?!"

"Oh hunny, isn't it obvious? There is power in being the last survivor. The fact that after everything we threw at you, your soul still remains pure and intact? We see souls like that as hitting the fucking jackpot!" He chuckles darkly. "Imagine the power we could gain by corrupting it."

"That's why Lucifer went back on his word? You sons of bitches wanted me to be possessed by Lilith?!" my hands begin to shake. My anger begins to boil inside me. Lilith stirs but doesn't wake up. "I'm not going to break, Dev."

"Because of the deal you made with mother?" He barks a laugh. "Sweetheart, we lie. She isn't going to leave you alone. She will consume your soul in father's name."

"Listen to the words that are about to grace my lips." I lock eyes with him. "My name is Kaitlynn Juniper Charnas; I am the last survivor of The Surviving Twenty-Eight. I will not be broken and I will find a way to exorcise Lilith and stop Lucifer."

"Such a moving declaration. Let me raise the stakes, the more you fight Lilith, the more hell I put your Spencie through."

"You will leave his—"

He raises his hand my words getting cut off by waves of agonizing pain. I scream my back arching off the ground. His jet-black eyes flicker back to Spencer's dark eyes for one second. I wait for Lilith to wake up. I wait for her to take control and make him pay. My screams turn to moans, my only indication that she's with me, feeding off my pain and turning it into pleasure.

"You have no authority over me, Kaitlynn." His voice sends shivers down my spine. "Until you see our way, I'll be keeping control over your husband's body."

"I swear, I will make you regret this," I promise.

I head back to the bunks refusing to break down until the curtain of my bunk is closed. I bring my knees up to my chest staring at the wall. Could I have prevented this? If I had stayed in control instead of Lilith would I have been able to stop Dev from taking him? Tears threaten to fall down my face, by some stroke of luck, I keep them from falling.