Survivor's Guilt

XII (I Can't Escape This Hell I Live In)

Milo Huxley is officially a missing person.

With the second show of the tour about to kick off, we didn't have time to call in a replacement. Lucky for us, we had Otto. He is quite eager to help Miss Porter and her crew out. Johnny still refused to tell me his story. I am about to demand it out of him. Spencer or should I say Dev all but kicked me out of the Ice Nine Kills bus. I didn't see a trace of my best friend in his dark eyes. Wherever Dev had him, I wouldn't be able to reach him easily.

While my crew got the tables ready, I went back to the merch crew bus. I wanted a word with Lilith. Johnny once told me a demon, the higher-ups needed permission to possess someone. How did Dev force himself into my husband and what did that mean for his soul? I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to him. His soul is what I loved about him. His light, that's what kept me going after my aunt carried me out into a Massachusetts blizzard. It had only been a few hours but my chest was already aching. My fight was being drained out of me when I needed it most.

Do not be discouraged, Kaitlynn.

Lilith stares back at me. It's been a while since I looked into a mirror and saw myself staring back. The demon in the mirror nodded in understanding as if she knew the stress this was putting on me. I nod trying to bring a reassuring smile to my face. It never came I was drowning in my sorrow. My eyes threaten to fill with tears even now. I can't fall apart even though I want to throw in the towel.

"Demons need permission to possess a vessel, right?"

Correct, it's like a contract. We get their bodies and their souls become ours to do as we see fit.

"What if a demon forces its way in?"

She falls silent, and her expression becomes unreadable. Shifting from foot to foot I start to get nervous. There has to be an instance in history where something like this had happened. She tucks her hair behind her ear an unsettling gesture as I stand here with my hands on the counter. Lilith's gaze becomes concerned. When she speaks, she confirms my worst fears.

Forced possessions are rare my dear, but they do happen. We work on our vessels gaining their trust. Most times we can get them to surrender. Other times we place them in a prison with their desires while we work on draining their souls.

"Can you force them out?"

I could, but that would be seen as an act of treason.

"There has to be something we can do!" I exclaim, slamming my hands down. The counter cracks underneath my strength. I can feel it underneath my skin, the shift that wants to take place. I want to make Dev pay for forcing himself into Spencer's body. My best friend will fight against him.

Kaitlynn, there is very little that can be done. Very few humans have the resolve to fight against us.

"But—"

I know you want me to give you a solution. A way to save your beloved from the Prince of Wrath. I'm afraid his fate is up to the Fates themselves.

"Please?"

Kaitlynn, your begging and pleading, as delectable as it is, is having no effect on me. I cannot help you. I can only tell you to remain strong for just a moment longer. I've enjoyed your fighting spirit.

"Can you at least reassure me that everything is going to be alright?"

We have made it a point to not lie to one another Koala. I cannot reassure you but I can tell you to keep fighting. You are a force, Kaitlynn Juniper Charnas.

"Shouldn't you be discouraging me?" I hear the confusion in my voice.

She laughs and the sound of it chills my blood. Instead, it feels like I'm talking to an old friend. The realization alone disturbs me to my core. She reaches out of the shadows and responds conjuring her arm. She places her hand on my cheek.