Survivor's Guilt

XXIV (All the Stupid Lies and the Stupid Games)

I wake with a start; my body sits bolt upright. Panic builds in my chest, cutting off my airwaves. Cookie places his hand on my chest, pushing me back down gently on the mound of pillows. I wait for the pain to overwhelm me. My gifts from Hell were taken with Leviathan and Asmodeus' downfall in Oshkosh. My old mentor sighs heavily, a gesture I've seen from him one too many times.

"Calm down, Porter." He commands in a tone I've heard before. Without any prompting, I begin my breathing exercises to ease my rapidly beating heart. My mind searches for something to anchor to, a sound or a voice to tether myself to. The hum of the tires on the asphalt reminds me of where I am: The Trinity of Terror Tour. The voices outside the door are those of my colleagues and my crew. One other voice joins the fray: Josiah Kross, the first survivor.

"You did well, girl." His gruff voice is full of pride. He has the wooden case next to him, six of the seven daggers hum in unison. The inlaid jewels in the hilts give off an otherworldly glow. He closes it leaving Lucifer's dagger out resting in a leather sheath.

"How?" I croak out my throat burning from thirst. He hands me a water bottle. I unscrew the cap drinking slowly. This time, when I attempt to sit up, he doesn't stop me.

He shakes his head; the simple gesture speaks volumes. It is a gesture that says, "Take care of yourself first." He's aware of my questions. He'll answer them in time. Slowly, I set my feet on the ground. My body, it appears, has been fully healed. His doing as no one else has the power to do so.

"You were in pretty rough shape when we arrived," he began. "One could go on to say that you are lucky to be alive."

"The important thing is that I freed Doctor Kincaid and I saved my crew." My voice is clearer now. I continue drinking the water in my hands. He hands me a granola bar something small for my stomach. He brings out his tarot deck shuffling and drawing a card. Again, he keeps what is a secret from me. He appears concerned by what he sees.

"What is your plan for this final fight, girl?" He hands me another granola satisfied at me being able to keep the first one down.

"I am going to take Lucifer down to the pool alone," I begin. Cookie crosses his arms over his chest. His expression speaks louder than his words. Lucifer is the strongest of the princes. He's sometimes referred to as a fallen archangel. The first to fall from grace. Taking him alone would be seen as a suicide mission.

This decision did not come to be made lightly. I thought back to the Oshkosh show. Everyone played their parts to perfection. While the plan worked out at the start, it fell apart toward the end. By doing this alone, I could ensure the others remained safe. I could ensure my husband didn't share the same fate as me. I took down The Four Horsemen, six of The Seven Princes of Hell, and I was no longer possessed by Lilith.

"I will be the first to admit your skills are impressive." His gruff voice was laced with his prideful tone. "There are very few humans who are capable of the feats you've performed."

"Give it to me straight, Cookie." I finish my granola bar. My stomach remains on civil terms with the rest of my body. The door opens, and Josiah walks in placing a tray of breakfast next to me. Once I'd been told there was power in being the first survivor.

"Lucifer is not the kind of opponent you take down on your own." He states, fixing me with his signature stare-down. "He is an opponent you take on with a unit you can trust."

"That would be my merch crew. They don't know how to fight. I don't want anyone to die on this tour because of me."

"Kaitlynn, this is bigger than you. It is bigger than all of us." Josiah sits next to me. "Humans are losing the fight against the creature of Hell. Lucifer does not need his advisors to bring forth the end. I know you don't want to lose the ones you care about."