Survivor's Guilt

V (Spiraling Inside My Own Disguise)

I blacked out.

I woke up in a hotel room not far from Doctor Kincaid's office. I remember telling him about the supernatural. The doctor didn't appear to be surprised. He reminds me to do my breathing exercises and to approach this mystery one step at a time. I walk out to my van fully prepared to drive home when Lilith appears in my rearview mirror. I forgot my dose of holy water for the afternoon. She took over and I didn't even have time to prop the mental door open. I silently wish for my journal, wanting to document this and help keep my frazzled thoughts organized.

My phone goes off no doubt it is Spencer reminding me of our flight to Denver. The first thing I do is search for my street clothes. I don't want to leave this room in the tight black dress that I'm wearing. When I can't find them, I sit at the foot of the bed with my head in my hands. I had been so careful with taking the holy water. We also had a sinking feeling that it would start to lose its effectiveness.

"Never fear Ms. Charnas, help has arrived."

I scream jumping back in surprise. Otto Lucke gives an apologetic smile setting down a change of clothes. I stare at him wondering how he could have possibly known where I was. A part of me knew the answer and his name was Johnny Keller. Otto started cleaning the hotel room. I tried and failed to contain my horror at the human skeletons that he was gathering.

"Ms. Charnas, I recommend that you start getting ready so that I can take you home." He gives me a look.

Not wanting to cause problems I take my change of clothes into the bathroom. I start the water and take the dress off. I try to remember what happened last night. I attempt a small glimpse, but all I can see is an empty void. I scream in frustration punching the tiles and watching them crumble to dust. I scream until there's nothing left in me. I cry until the tears have run dry. I need to find Lucifer; I can't take much more of this.

We do not need to be enemies, Kaitlynn.

I jump Lilith's voice echoes through my mind. She stares me down her snake eyes setting me on edge. I put on my outfit seeing her eyeing it with disapproval. I roll my eyes tossing her dress. I ignore her, I don't want to be friends. I want her gone so that I can live a normal life. She continues to try to get my attention. When Otto hands me the holy water I chug it down taking satisfaction in hearing her screams of agony.

Little bitch, I will get you back for that.

I knew she would, she was a woman of her word. Otto takes me directly to the airport reassuring me he will take care of everything. I'm not quite sure what he means by that. My mind is having trouble functioning. It's a common thing that happens after my blackouts and is usually followed by a panic attack. Lucky for me, Amias finds me putting his arm around my shoulders. I fight the tears that threaten to fall down my face. I have to keep my composure I can't afford to fall apart.

"We got your back, Cap." Amias hands me my journal.

I manage to hold on as I board the plane taking my seat next to Spencer. He doesn't ask where I've been. He doesn't say anything. He only takes my hand kissing my fingertips. There's trust in his eyes, a trust that I don't think I deserve right now. I was fairly certain I was cheating on him with Lucifer.

"You look exhausted, Koala," Spencer whispers.

"I don't know if I slept last night." I bite my lip.

"We got two hours before we land in Denver, you can sleep. I got you, babe." He put his arm around me. I rest my head on his chest listening to the flight attendant's instructions. My eyes threaten to close halfway through. I feel physically and emotionally drained and the day had only just started. I fall asleep in Spencer's arms before the plane takes off.