Chapter 1: Faith

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EMAN HASHIM

I completed my Fajr prayer, folding the prayer mat as I got to my feet. The floor was cold against my bare feet, adding to my already-felt chill. I had a feeling I had a fever. I knew I shouldn't have had ice cream last night, or left the window open when I went to bed. 

I put my prayer mat in the drawer on my nightstand, closing it with a soft thud. My eyelids drooped as I forced my way to my study desk and took a seat. I was exhausted. I had been up late last night, FaceTiming Ahvi and talking about her date with Jace.

It had been four months since they had started dating officially but the excitement amongst the group was as good as new. It was still awkward for Ren to be in the room with them and it was still a source of entertainment for Tariq and Warren. But things were good and everyone was happy. 

I pulled my Quran out of the shelf over my desk and opened the last page I'd been reading. Rubbing my eyes slightly to get rid of the sleep in them, I began reading. 

Reading the Quran was the highlight of my day these days. It was the only time when I felt my mind growing quiet and my heart slowing to a steady pace. Now, I was very grateful for my life and how it had turned out to be. But like everyone, I had my problems. I had aspects of my life which didn't fit into my ideal reality.

The worst part though, was that I couldn't talk about my problems with my friends. I had a lot of friends and every one of them cared for me immensely but I knew they would never understand my problems. Our worlds were different. Our beliefs and values were different.

So, I turned to Allah SWT for help. When I felt as if I couldn't take the pain anymore, I sat down at my desk and read the Quran until I felt my fear and worry fading away. It brought me peace. It allowed me to sleep. It allowed me to breathe when it seemed like a task at times. 

As I read, my vision blurred. I felt my throat tighten as I recited the ayats with every ounce of love in my heart. My faith was what kept me going these days. Tears fell down my cheeks and onto the page of the Quran. I wiped them as I kept reading, begging for Allah SWT to hear me. I didn't have to beg too hard. I knew he was closer to me than my jugular vein. He heard me. He felt my grief. He understood me. 

I had nothing to worry about. I had the Almighty looking over me. He would always be there for me even when I felt as if I was alone, the way I did these days. I felt isolated from the people around me. I felt so alone. 

In the past four months, things had only gotten worse for me but I trusted the Almighty. He would give me the reward for my patience soon. He would not let anything bad happen to me. He would not test me more than I could tolerate. 

As I finished reading, a new understanding had dawned over me. I should be flattered that He considered me strong enough to test me, that he loved me enough to put difficulties in my life so I could grow, so I could learn. I wiped my face with the sleeve of my jilbab, sniffling as I stared at the Quran. I wanted to pull it toward me, hold it to my chest until the world disappeared once again and I was close to my Lord.

I glanced at the window of my bedroom, watching the early morning light seep into my room. It was time to be up. I needed to get ready for university soon. I closed my Quran and put it back in the shelf, pushing away from my desk.

I had already put out my outfit for the day last night so I didn't have to worry about fussing over that. I got out of my jilbab and changed into my workout attire, which I had also put out the night before. I pulled the sports hijab over my head as I walked to my desk once more and picked up my car keys. Grabbing my gym bag which was lying by the foot of my bed, I walked out of my room.

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