Life isn't fair. The world was broken, and so was I. Sabagay, sino ba namang tao ang perpekto ang buhay.
Ang galing nga e, kasi kung kailan tayo dinurog ng mundo, saka darating iyong taong itinadhana sayo. He heals every broken part of me that needed healing. Hindi ko na kailangan lumaban mag-isa dahil kasama ko na sya. He made me feel worthy and loved every single minute. He would rather give everything up for me.
We've been in a relationship for 4 and a half years. Everything went smoothly, not until I notice the little changes.
It's not like his love for me was lessen. Hindi rin naman sya naging cold and distant towards me.
It's just like... he's showing too much love this time that I had to ask if it was really true.
Nakakapagtaka na lagi na lang syang may bigay na bulaklak tuwing umaga. Hindi sya ganon, dahil sa tuwing may okasyon doon lang sya nagbibigay, for example, anniversary namin, or tuwing valentine's.
His time and effort are doubled this time.
"Lawrence, hindi mo kailangang magbigay ng gan‘to araw-araw," I said.
"You're a very special person to me, you deserve everything." He pinched my cheeks.
Right, he always want me to feel that I am valuable, and I deserve everything. Sa sobrang pagmamahal at pagbibigay nya ng effort, it made me overthink, yes I still overthink dahil para bang hindi normal ang lahat at parang peke lang. Ayokong isipin pero hindi ko maiwasan.
One time, we decided to go to a mall. We play, eat, and shop. Nakita ko 'yong apat na kaibigan nya, may kasamang tatlong babae. The girl with brown hair, pointed her finger to us. Kinalabit nya ang mga kasama nya para tumingin din sa amin.
"Lawrence, your friends." Pinisil ko ang kamay nyang nakahawak sa akin.
His head turn to them. Mabilis nyang binitiwan ang kamay ko para magpunta sa kanila.
Napatingin ako sa kamay ko pagkatapos ay sa kanila. The girl I mentioned a while ago stared at me and then to Lawrence. Naglakad ako papunta sa kinaroroonan nila at hinawakang muli ang kamay nya.
Napatikhim ang babae at umiwas ng tingin. Lawrence glance at her and then he let go of my hand... again.
"Naomi, you're also here." His eyes glistened. The girl smiled that he finally he notice her.
"You want to join us? Kakain kami," tanong ni Austin sabay akbay kay Naomi. I know completely that I am out of place. I'm not close with Lawrence's friends.
"Yeah, sure." Walang pag-aalinlangan nyang sagot. Ni hindi nya ako tinignan for my approval.
I sighed. Ngayon ay naglalakad kami at ako ang nahuhuli. Nilibang ko ang sarili sa pagchachat sa mga kaibigan.
I didn't notice na lumapit pala si Naomi sa akin.
"Hi! You're Dionne, right?" she asked as if she really didn't know my name.
Ngumiti at tumango lang ako bilang sagot. I don't know, I have this feeling that I'm not comfortable enough with her presence.
"I'm Naomi, Lawrence friend. I saw how he treated you earlier, like you were not on his side. Hindi dapat ganon," wika nya habang nakakunot ang noo.
Sa lahat ng kaibigan ni Lawrence, sya lang ang nagtiyaga na kausapin ako at kilalanin. And after that, we became friends.
"Kailan mo naging kaibigan si Naomi?" I asked Lawrence when we were eating.
"Last last month, she is Austin's cousin," he replied casually. Napatango ako at hindi na nagtanong pa.
Nagyaya si Naomi na lumabas and since wala naman akong ginagawa ay pumayag ako.
"Pansin ko kay Lawrence masyado syang protective, and at the same time, walang pake," wika nya habang hinahalo ang ice cream sa cup.
"Yeah, you can say that." Tumango ako.
"Payo ko lang sayo, don't love him too much, kasi baka ikaw din ang masaktan sa dulo. I've been on the same situation like you, at ayokong maranasan mo ang naranasan ko," I smiled bitterly at what she just said.
"Kaya napunta ka sa tamang tao ngayon? You think sya na talaga?" I smirked, looking at her flatly.
"O-Oo naman," she said nervously. She avoided my gaze.
"Kaya kung ako sayo, kapag alam mo nang wala na syang nararamdaman sayo, let him go. May darating pang mas better."
I nodded. They really think they got me. How pathetic. Akala nya talaga kaya nya akong manipulahin? No, it's the other way around. I became friends with my man's girl with a purpose.
"Of course, I will let him go for you," I frankly said.
Nagulat sya at hindi agad nakapagsalita.
"Dionne, w-what are you saying?" she nervously said while chuckling.
After the confrontation, sinama ko sya papunta sa condo ni Lawrence. Iyak lang sya nang iyak habang paulit-ulit na humihingi ng tawad.
"Last last month nyo pa ako niloloko 'di ba?" I don't know, but I don't feel any pain right now. Ni hindi ko magawang umiyak, at magalit.
Maybe naihanda ko na ang sarili ko sa mas pinakamalalang mangyayari, dahil umpisa pa lang nang makita ko si Naomi ay alam ko na.
"Dionne–"
"Sagutin mo ang tanong ko, Lawrence."
"Yes."
"That's why you changed. Hindi sa paraan na naging distant at cold ka, pero sa paraan na ibinibigay mo sa akin ang lahat, it's not love, you are doing things for me because you're just guilty." I chuckled with no humor. I stared at them disgustingly.
"Why did you do it? And you Naomi, bakit mo pinatulan kung alam mong nag-eexist ako sa buhay nya? I want to hear the truth... kahit ngayon lang."
And all they could utter is the word sorry. But when Lawrence started to talk, his words completely break me. Doon ko na naramdaman ang sakit, galit, at dissapointment.
"Hindi pala sapat ang salitang mahal kita para ipaglaban ka pa. It's not the same as before. Trust me, sinubukan kong ibalik sa dati ang nararamdaman ko, pero hindi na talaga kaya. Hindi na ikaw ang babaeng nakikita ko sa harap ng altar. I did everything to make it work."
Tango na lamang ang tanging nagawa ko. Pakiramdam ko ay naubos ang buong lakas ko.
"I realized, and I'm sure of one thing, I never love you the same way I love her."
