Who You Love (Katy Perry/John Mayer Fanfiction)

Chapter Nineteen: Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

"Katy, if you don't fix yourself by seeking medical attention or whatever you need, I'm sorry but we are going to have to take drastic action. We will have to consider cancelling the Asian and South American legs of the tour," Bradford continued. We'd been at this for over half an hour already, and I was sick of being lectured.

They didn't, and never would, understand. They didn't care about me as a person, only the effect of my 'image', which frankly, pissed me off.

"For the last time, I'm fine. Seriously. Just leave me alone, all of you. I'm doing my job." I said blatantly as I rolled my eyes. I knew the attitude I was giving them definitely didn't help the situation get any better, but I was too tired to care.

"Katy, you're not okay. You cannot allow this kind of behaviour to continue. Your fans might not have noticed yet, but we have, and that in itself is bad enough. You need to get help before this entire thing gets worse and you do something you'll regret." Bradford sighed, his face serious and full of concern.

"You should all just be grateful that I'm here and doing these shows, when really I'd rather be at home right now. You just don't get it, do you? I'm trying my absolute fucking best, and if that's not good enough for you, too bad. I'm done trying." I hugged angrily, before pushing myself up and off the sofa in my dressing room and heading towards the door.

"Katy, stop. We need to talk about this-" Bradford pleaded, as he got out of his chair and started to walk over to me.

"No. No we fucking don't," I replied, standing in the doorway, moving away from him. "I'm here for my fans and my fans only, okay? Just leave me alone so I can sort my life out." I yelled as I stormed out the door, and down the hallway backstage of the arena.

I knew I wasn't myself, and that it was definitely uncalled for, for me to yell at them like that. In reality, they only wanted what was best for me, and I knew they were concerned. After everything that happened on the California Dreams Tour, they were extra sceptical when I would go into 'moods', and it annoyed me. I wasn't a child, I was an adult. I can get through my problems, just in my own time and in my own way.

I made my way down to the car that was waiting for me outside, as I grew angrier and angrier by the minute. I was already angry enough at myself for breaking down like that on stage, but even more so that I had been caught. I could feel myself breaking down, and I don't know how long it would be until I reached rock bottom.... It didn't feel like far away.

I got into the black car that was waiting for me outside the backstage doors of the arena.
"To the hotel, please," I said almost in a whisper to my driver.
I knew I should've waited for Tamra, but I felt pissed off at her too. She was with them... Did she say something? She swore to secrecy about everything. I felt my blood boil even further as the car started and drove off out of the arena.

After what seemed like hours, we finally reached the hotel. By this point I was struggling to keep my eyes open, my body felt heavy and lifeless.

I dragged myself out of the car, placing the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and sunglasses over my face, even though it was now nearly one in the morning. I wasn't in the mood to be stopped, and thus I covered as much as my body as possible to avoid being recognised.

It felt good to finally be by myself. It was rare nowadays to even be in a room by myself for long periods of time, it was like any kind of privacy I previously had, had been thrown out the window.

I reached in my handbag for the swipe card to my suite, struggling to find it within all of the ridiculous things in there. I finally pulled it out, and swiped across the door, hearing it click as it unlocked. I pushed the door open, a cold gust of air hitting me in the face instantly.