Who You Love (Katy Perry/John Mayer Fanfiction)

Chapter Five: No Business Like Show Business

We stared at each other, the silence feeling a little awkward. Angela started playing with her fingers, her head down. I knew she was nervous about telling me something, and she knew that I knew. She took a deep breath, before combing her fingers through her beautiful wavy chestnut brown hair and placing both hands into mine.

"I want to talk about you first. You're not okay, and I don't know how long you've felt like this. But I just want to say that I'm sorry, I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to." She said, her eyes gentle and apologetic.

I was immediately taken aback. Why was she apologising to me, for my bad behaviour? I didn't understand. I looked up to her again, and she looked even more guilty than she did before.

"What do you mean? You're my rock. You know you're the only person in the world who understands me...." I said, my voice trailing away softly as I tried to gather what she was going on about.

"I know. Which is exactly why I'm saying sorry. You haven't been yourself, and usually you come to me. But lately you haven't, it's like you've distanced yourself. I feel awful if I've made you feel that way. I try to help you, but it seems the more I try to help, the more you just push me away."

"I'm not pushing you away. I'm just trying to make sense of my life right now. When everything seems like it's perfect, something happens and it all crumbles. Story of my fucking life," I said, my lips starting to quiver before a warm, salty tear slid down my cheek, quickly wiping it away with the back of my hand.

"I don't understand, Katy. I just don't understand what's going on. I thought you were okay after we had a talk, but you're definitely not. There's something more you're not telling me, because I know you, and you don't get this worked up over something you don't care about." She said sternly, becoming more serious, slightly hinting for me to suddenly open up to her.

I was still angry, jealous, sad, distraught. I didn't know if I could tell Angela the real reason. Firstly because I didn't know if I could get it out without becoming a blubbering mess again, but mostly because I knew how much she didn't approve of John. She had always relied on what the tabloids said about him, and she was convinced he wasn't in it for the long run. Which, sadly, I was beginning to think maybe she was right, but I definitely didn't want to admit that to her. Or myself.

I took a deep breath, a large amount of air filling my lungs. My nose was blocked and my face felt puffy from crying, my sweater damp and the cuffs of my sleeve even more so. I looked down into my hands placed on my lap, as I was sitting cross-legged directly opposite Angela on my bed. I silently debated with myself on how to start. Where do I start? I felt a warm hand on mine, and, starting to feel more comfortable, finally started to speak.
"This is going to sound stupid, and I know you're going to think I'm stupid for doing it and that its all my fault..." I started to say, before I was interrupted halfway.

"Katy. Stop it. Nothing you say is going to be stupid. I'm here for you and I'm going to help you. I'm not here to judge. I'm here to make you happy again." She smiled gently.

"I don't even know where to start, and look, the only reason I haven't told you is because I thought I could manage it on my own, but now it's getting to me and it's all I can think about..." I continued as she nodded, urging me to go on.

"I was feeling like shit during the last few shows on tour recently. I'd just finished doing the last one in Auckland, and I felt myself feel more and more depressed. I started thinking of how lonely I am and all the men in my life who have gone...." The look apparent on Angela's face told me she knew exactly what I was about to say next.

"I went on my Twitter during the drive back to my hotel, and I saw that one of my fans tweeted a photo of John & I from last year. I don't know why, but that felt like the final straw and after that I couldn't stop crying when I got up to my room," I paused, wiping tears that had fallen down my face again. Her face instantly changed when I mentioned John's name, but I continued anyway.