Sin City

25: Restart

Rouqil

I paced back and forth in our room after Jillian left, uneasy and scared that I might have fucked up again. Ang bilis ko ba? Did I scare her away? "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I mumbled to myself. Hindi ko alam kung kailangan ko siyang sundan or bigyan muna ng space.

Hindi ko lang talaga napigilan ang bugso ng damdamin ko. These past few days have been so good, they're perfect even. And I fucking miss her, everything about her, lalong lalo na ang mga halik niya.

"Jillian!" I quickly opened the door when I heard someone knocked.

"Crystal?" I confusedly looked at the woman standing outside of my door. She looked... drunk. "What are you doing here?" nagtataka kong tanong rito.

"Hi," she sweetly smiled at me. "I figured I should see you to make sure you're okay. Pinapunta kasi ni Nardan si Tyron dito dahil gusto niya ng kausap, she sounded upset so maybe nag away kayo?"

Napahinga akong maluwag dahil sa narinig ko. I'm glad she's with Tyron. Alam kong makakatulong si Ty ngayon sa kanya.

"Do you need someone to talk to din ba?" she sweetly smiled at me.

I heaved a sigh and nodded. I closed the door behind me and walked towards the railing of our veranda. Hindi ako nagsalita, nakatitig lang ako sa buwan at dagat. I need someone to talk to but Crystal isn't the right person. Kung pwede lang hatiin namin ni Jillian si Tyron ay papayag ako.

"Did you guys get into a fight?" she broke the silence. Nakalimutan ko na nga na nasa tabi ko pa pala siya.

"Not really," mahina kong sagot as I leaned on the railings.

"So why was she upset when she called Tyron?" pagtanong pa nito.

Napahinga akong malalim. "She's J'Lian," I saw how her eyes slowly widened. "I hurt her and now I'm trying to win her back. I almost kissed her and it scared her so now hindi ko alam if I fucked up my chance or what," I said, bakas pa ang lungkot at pagkatalo sa boses ko.

"Oh my god," she looked away, still in shock.

"Do you..." I inhaled. "Do you think mahal niya pa rin ako? Pareho naman kayong babae, these past few days ba nakikita mo sa mga actions niya na may gusto pa din siya sa akin?" nagbabakasakali kong tanong rito. Ganyan naman ang mga babae diba? just like us men, we could see if our fellow men are in love or into someone.

I looked at Crystal nang hindi siya sumagot. Nakita ko pa ang paghinga nito ng malalim nang tignan niya na ako.

"I don't think so," walang emosyon nitong sagot. I instantly felt a pang in my chest. "Yeah I see her flirting back to you but we also saw what she did to that white guy on the beach and to be honest, I see her do it with Tyron as well," dagdag pa nito.

With Tyron? I doubt it. She treats him like a family.

"She's all touchy to Tyron, and don't you see the sexual tension between them?" she asked like it was a matter of fact. I subconsciously shook my head. "Right, you don't. That's cause you are a man."

"I don't..." napatingin ako sa kawalan. Was I too blinded by my love for her na hindi ko iyon nakikita? Yes, I see Tyron wrap his arm around her, nakikita ko din si Jillian na hinahawakan si Tyron and she would even prefer to sit beside him but that's because they're comfortable with each other. "I don't think so..." I muttered.

"Look, Rouqil," napatingin ako sa kamay ko na nakatukod sa railings nang hawakan ito ni Crystal. My gaze shifted to her face. Malungkot ako nitong nginitian. "As a woman, halatang hindi ka na niya gusto. Kailangan mo nang tumigil sa kung ano man ang ginagawa mo ngayon," she rubbed my hand with her thumb.