𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 - 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆

14 | Lost and Lonely

I don't wanna be myself
it's making me so unwell
_

The sound of repeated knocking wakes me up. I groan and sit up from the couch, looking around and remembering last night.

After everything that happened in the club restroom, we continued to drink, and let's just say that's all I remember.

Now I look around the apartment that belonged to Chan. The others sprawled out, Minho was on the same couch as me but he must've fallen asleep sitting up as my legs were placed on his lap. Changbin was on the smaller couch and Chan... I furrow my brows, where was Chan?

The knocking continued and I sat up, groaning from the raging headache I had and the hangover that washed over me.

I heard a door open and a grumpy Chan walked out in the same clothes he had on last night. "Who the fuck knocks like a psycho?" I mumbled, watching the other start to wake up from the repeated noise.

"My fucking head" Minho complains and I take my legs off his lap and sit upright. The sun pierced through the large windows, only making it worse.

"Oh my god, thank god you're okay" I heard an unfamiliar voice, making me squint to who it belonged to.

I watched a blonde walk into the apartment and Chan following after her "Put a little trust in me June, I can handle Minho"

June. My eyes look over her as she walks to her hungover boyfriend. Her hand on his cheeks as she looks at him "Oh baby, you look like shit"

Changbin chuckled and sat up but I didn't laugh as I watched her worried eyes on him. "I'm fine" Minho mumbled, pushing his hair from his face and his eyes caught mine—realizing I was there. Great, I now realize I'm actually really easy to forget, what a way to be humbled.

I swallow harshly and look away, "Let's go home and I will make breakfast"

"Can we join? I'm starving" Chan asks, rubbing his stomach.

I look back at her and she forces a smile "Sure"

I looked nothing like her. I mean I thought maybe Minho had a type but it didn't seem like it. She had long blonde hair and was so feminine and fragile. I had dark hair and was not so fragile because well... I am a guy.

I inhale and stand up "I'm actually gonna go, I'll see y'all later" I grab my phone that was on the floor and I feel his eyes on me but I ignore it. He didn't try to stop me. I mean, why would he want me in his house with his girlfriend? He probably hoped to keep us far away from each other in hopes to continue his fucking weird fantasy he has.

"June is a great cook" Chan adds, only making a bitter taste form in my mouth.

June smiles and looks at me, before I can walk past her and continue to ignore her presence—she stands in front of me and still smiles "I'm June" she holds her hand out in a formal way.

I stop and we meet eyes for the first time. Something washed over me. Guilt, a shit ton of it. "Jisung" I take her hand and if only she knew that it was wrapped around her boyfriend's dick hours ago, she wouldn't be friendly.

I pulled away and walked past her, still feeling his eyes on me but I didn't look at him. I just left and let myself realize that I was a total fucking dick.

I knew what I was doing, to an extent. It's so easy to go about this when I've never met nor seen his girlfriend before. It's so easy to push it away and pretend she ain't real but she is. She's so fucking real and seemed like a good person too. I mean maybe not but that's what it seems.

I felt like shit. Not just because of her but also because I was severely hungover.

_

I get back home and make it to my room where I lay down immediately and groan. "I think I fucked up" I whisper, "So fucking bad" I grab a pillow and yell into it before throwing it somewhere in the room.

My phone buzzed and I sigh loudly, pulling it out of my pocket "You've got to be fucking kidding me. I don't catch a break" I say before answering, "Hi Mom"

"Jisung, I called you multiple times last night and you didn't pick up. I was worried" No, you weren't.

I stare at the ceiling "I was busy"

"That late, don't tell me your up to no good again"

I bite my tongue "No, I was studying"

She was silent for a moment "Just come home son, studying is useless when you can be home and comfortable and not surrounded by all those—"

"Those what mom?" I ask her and she doesn't respond and I sit up and sigh "I'm bisexual and I know you hate it but I am and moving back home won't change the fact and it's not why I moved in the first place"

"Isn't it?" She says, "I know you don't want to be studying criminal justice but you want to openly be a fag—"

"Mom" I stop her "Can you just fucking stop" I curse, "It so fucking tiring that you can't just accept me for who I am and support what I want to do" I felt my eyes start to burn. "You know—" my voice shakes "You know I love you" Tears escape my eyes.

"If you loved me you would stop this silly act and come home" I grimace and shake my head lightly even though she couldn't see me "There is nothing good for you there anyways"

Her words sink into me and honestly, I felt like she was right. There was nothing here for me and what kept me here was my studies and even that felt like such a long shot, yeah I was good and almost top of my classes but would I be good after?

And Minho, I think right now I wanted to run so far away from that situation. It just felt all too fucked up and I felt guilty for ruining something that was most likely already broken but what if it wasn't? What if it was so so perfect?

I put my head in my hands "I have to go"

"It's never too late to come home son" She was guilt-tripping me, I knew it all too well but I felt myself falling deeper into it more than ever.

I hang up and look down to the floor. I really just don't know what I'm doing. I didn't know what my future looked like. If it was good or bad.

I just felt lost and maybe a little bit lonely.

It wasn't something I liked to admit but I knew it. I sought out the comfort of a warm body so often and I just didn't care who it was just as long as I knew their attention was on me and it didn't matter if it was sexual, it felt easier that way instead of growing a relationship that meant opening up. I didn't really know what it felt like to open up, I never had the chance to do it now I just don't know how to.

People know things about me but to an extent, it was always to an extent.

*Song rec - Soda by
Nothing but Thieves*

Double update, omg look at me this is insane (it's 1am and I need to sleep)

I actually have this story fully planned out but writing it is a different story. Officially, 13 chapters left so... yeah.