Hope|| mattheo riddle

Part 7

maria's pov

It's been a week since the party, a week since Mattheo and I didn't talk, after the party we just stopped as if he forgot everything that happened and how he was looking at me, talking to me.

 If I'm exaggerating but I swear, I saw that he wanted me too. What a fool I am, my mother warned me to stay away from him, but I don't know...

I spent the whole week with the others. Pansy and I became very good friends. We were together all week, I can call them family. Everything is going great between Draco and Pansy. As Pansy tells me, they slept together. 

Mattheo is surrounded by girls again and already had 2 fights this week. why? nobody knows to be honest. When I see him covered in blood I fear for him, but he is never covered in his blood. God he's so hot even covered in blood. By the way, I saw him carrying my gifted headphones in his pocket many times. And every time I felt something in my stomach.

These last two days, things started happening to me, the medicine no longer works at all. Not even music helps calm me down. Today, I had fleshbacks during the whole lesson in class. I can't stand it when I'm like this, it always happens once or twice a month and I lose myself and do things I don't want to do. And I get mad at all the important people

pov dinner

"Are you okay?" Pansy asked me. I sat with my head down, I didn't even eat, I just tried to think about something else.

"I'm fine" I suddenly said irritated and started shaking a little, God, I can't stand it when I address Pansy like that.

"Calm down Mar" Draco said cynically and everyone smiled including Mattheo.

"FUCK ALL OF YOU" I said out loud, took my bag, put on my headphones and quickly ran to my room.

As soon as I entered the room, I locked the door and fell on the floor, shaking with my knees, every time I closed my eyes, I saw him, the fleshbacks became stronger. My heart was burning. I wanted to cry with all my heart but my tears ended long ago. I was afraid I was afraid that it would all come to me in the end, but at the same time I wanted it to happen, to just happen, to close my eyes and not open them again. cup memory thought words were running through my head. I thought my heart would break in half. I thoughtlessly went to my table, broke a glass, took it in my hand and put it on my arm and poured it without thinking.

blood

I cut it again.

blood

And all the thoughts, all the sounds, all the memories disappeared from my head, only the pain, the feeling of pain remained.

When I analyzed that I did it again. I just cleaned the place with one spell. I went to the window and sat on the windowsill, took a deep breath, looked at the wound and bandaged it, I didn't want to put a healing spell on it because it would make the pain go away and then the memories would come back.

"Why did I do that again?"

"Why did you do this to yourself Maria?"

"You're not that bad, you're not that bad. People are worse than you" I shouted to myself.

"I'm a disappointment"

"I want to cry, with all my heart, but there are no more tears"

Letter from the author

Please, if you want to talk to someone, you can write to me.

Sorry for the grammar mistakes