ALWAYS YOU

1]"DREAMS & NIGHTMARES"

Amara:

Fire. Huge fire. And screams. Loud screams. Everything is so surreal, as if it's happening for the first time ever.

But God knows, this is the millionth time that this is happening to me again, and this is the millionth time I utterly failed to protect my family while they are burning to death in front of my eyes.

And then I see the burning body of my brother, lit up on fire from head to toe, running towards the entrance, probably to get some help, shouting my name over and over again to come and help him. But then he fails to come towards us because of the roof that fell on him, completely and eternally silencing his cries for help.

This makes me jolt up from my dream—or rather, a nightmare, to be more apt, a haunting nightmare—which has been haunting me for the past 18 years.

All this is happening again as if I have traveled back in time and am going through this again. And just like every time, I forget that this is all a nightmare. What had happened is all in the past, though I keep trying to remind myself every time before my sleep hundreds of times to not forget that whatever is going to happen after my sleep is just a nightmare, that's all.

But then, it's as if my mind and heart do not want to take the chance.

What if God really pitied me and tried to give me one more chance to save my family by sending me back in time, and I wasted it without even trying to save them, thinking it was all a nightmare?

I know, I may sound crazy, but I can't help it. Though somewhere in my heart and mind, I know that's never gonna happen. They won't be coming back.

And on top of that, everything is so real. Those screams, the heat of that murderous fire seeping through every cell of my body, the smoke from the fire melting my eyes away into tears of agony and helplessness, their screams piercing right through my heart and breaking it into pieces cruelly.

And here I am, waking up in the middle of the night, just like every other night, with unstoppable tears flowing through my eyes because of the refreshed memory of the most heartbreaking and soul-killing night of my life where I lost my home, my family, my everything.

Though I have lost them when I was just three years old, I think God is afraid that I might forget that tragedy, which is why He decided to make it unforgettable for me in this brutal way of making me relive that tragic night every night of my life.

When this tragedy happened, I would also have been dead, but Ayaan saved me by pulling me out of that house in time, though he knew his life was at stake. The little Ayaan at that time saved me.

I don't know whether to call him an angel or a devil, or to love him or hate him for that, because if he did not do that, I wouldn't have been alive, and being alive gives me mixed feelings.

During the day, I always feel thankful for existing in the world and to be able to experience it. But as darkness overpowers the bright and calming light of the day by the night, my feelings take a 180-degree turn. I feel exhausted to live on and to experience the pain every night through my nightmares.

I could have gone to therapy. I did get forced by Sharadh uncle and Priya aunt at the start when they witnessed me shouting loudly in the night. As I was made to sleep with them since I was just three years old and I had just lost my parents.

But I have never completely opened up to my therapist and did my best to wrap my therapy up within a short span because I feel like I'm a burden to the family.

They have never shown any difference in treatment between their sons and me, never ever, but I don't know. I feel like I am worthy of pain and only pain and I can't be peaceful, because I'm the one who is responsible for all this.

If only I didn't make that mistake, they would have been alive and I would have happily taken their place.

I don't know how I could ever repay this family for their selfless care and affection throughout all these years.

Because of them, I have two caring parent figures, a good boyfriend like Ayaan, and a pampering Abhimaan. Abhi, or Mann, which I secretly call him in my mind, never out loud.

Ayaan and I have been best friends since childhood. We are inseparable. He had been in two relationships before me and always carried a playboy attitude.

But on my 20th birthday, he proposed to be his girlfriend. Seeing the sincerity in his eyes and the happiness on the faces of uncle and aunt, I accepted his proposal, though I didn't have any feelings for him back then.

But as time passed, I have developed some feelings towards him. I don't know if this is love, but I like him so much and care about him.

And as I'm still confused about what path to choose in my career, our family astrologer dropped a bomb: that I should get married before I turn 22 years old; if not, my life will be in danger.

I was never a believer in astrology and all, but aunty and uncle feel otherwise. They wanted me to get married, but they didn't force me to marry their son. They asked if I have someone else in my mind who I see as a potential husband material, I could tell them without any fear.

All they said is they would never compromise with my life. And I decided maybe marrying Ayaan wouldn't be so bad. I mean, why not? We have been friends forever, and now that I have been dating him and started to develop some feelings towards him, maybe I could grow to love him in the future.

And if he in any way tries to break my heart or irritate me, I have Abhi. He will deal with him. Because as long as he is there, I fear nothing. He has always pampered me.

Though he is a cold and arrogant businessman to the world, to me he is my comfort, my safe place where I feel no danger could ever get to me.

I mean, it would be an utter lie to say I have never had any romantic feelings for him. I had a major crush on him when I was 17. But then he addressed me to his interviewer as his little sister, shattering my hopes of romance.

And folks, that was when I held the pieces of my broken heart and started to put them back as they were earlier.

The other reason why I accepted Ayaan's proposal was that I don't want my best friend to go through the same pain that I have gone through—the pain of heartbreak.

And before you guys call me a bitch for leading Ayaan on, let me tell you, I have always been sincere to him about my feelings. He knows how I feel about him clearly and that my feelings are not strong enough to be called love.

And now, in two more days, I will become a Mrs. from Ms. I don't know why I feel so nervous and it's not a good feeling. I feel as if I'm missing something.

Whatever, I'm happy that I got to see Abhi clearly after so many months because he mostly stayed in his office, draining himself in his work from the last year. Though I wanted to talk to him, I feel a little awkward to initiate a conversation as it had been many days since we have spoken to each other.

Though he had always taken my calls at the second ring itself, he never initiated a phone call. This made me feel as if I'm disturbing him, and for the past few months, I stopped calling him. This has seemed to make us more distant, and this is one of the very few things that I regret doing in my life.

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Is this chapter big enough...I wanted to wrap the flashback of what happened as soon as possible ...so as to get to the present ....which will be much more interesting ...

Abhimaans and Ayaan's pov will be in the nxt chapter ....where in u will understand their side of story ...

Until then ...take care ...c u again