Echoes of the Heart

Epilogue

The years have gone by, and I still think of Spencer. What he is doing. If he's happy in the Navy. I moved away from our small town, every time I went back and saw those echoes on my heart.

Even mother has become an echo of what once was. I don't associate with her, she got worse in her ways and I finally had enough. If only it had been sooner. Then her words wouldn't have haunted me that day the light went out for good.

I, Stephanie still think of Spencer fondly. Missing him. Wishing on what once and could have been.

I ran from my problems, and avoided Maddox by moving states. It seemed to work. He found me on social media a few times and luckily nothing worse came of it. I avoided Maddox and fell into the clutches of another. I didn't think there could be someone who scares me worse than Maddox did, but here I am proving myself wrong. His threats get worse. He wouldn't do it to me, he would do it to who ever I cared about. He would hit me where it hurt. The same fear that stopped me from telling you the truth then, stops me now.

The fear of the monster I'm bound too.

The fear of your rejection.

My demons talk to me still, better but still present. I shoo them away when I write or read. Or think of you. Foolish I know it's been years.

I don't know what is to come of this. Or if you even read this. Or if gets lost on the web. Im told by Kaley this will help with closure, and so it may. Or still it might linger on my thoughts, so it is never forgotten.

I tried to search for you Spencer before, and couldn't find you. Prior to that, I even tried to join the Navy too in the small glimmer that fate would be on my side this time and reunite us. That being enlisted would keep Maddox away and keep me safe. I was going to be a translator and even scored the highest at our school for the DLAB besides one person. Alas, fate was cruel once again, and I was denied due to an error on my recruiters part with the paperwork and that dream was washed away by the sea.

I tried to numb the pain with alcohol and other things. It helped for a time. I even got into modeling and quit drinking. That helped for some time, but I was never satisfied.

Year later here I am. Writing. The books I read no longer satiate my feelings, and here I write this to you. For some farcical reason, my heart believes you will read this. The echo you that lingers believes that, my head has grown wiser and doubts, knowing the truth of this delusion and fallacy. Knowing what I want and what will happen are stretched between two parallel universes. Though the truth is something I will in time succumb to, for now I choose to believe in my reverie because it brings me peace.

Most people who deal with things like I do, by finding comfort in stories and fairytales find solace in fictional comfort characters. Me, however, can only compare them to how it felt with you.

Before Ted passed away, he even spoke of you, and how he never thought I was truly happier than when I was with you.  

Every time I moved on, fates cruel ways reminded me of you, someone would mention you. Or I would happen upon those pictures I took of our friends and see you.

Fate is cruel.

Truly, are you happy? If so then I can find peace knowing you are. That the pain of my mistakes was not for nothing.

Sincerely,
Stephanie.