Echoes of the Heart

Chaos

I knew my dad and brothers wouldn't be home for a few hours. My dad was going to drop me off at my mom's later tonight. Which meant it was just me and Maddox standing here. No one to save me, and no shining sun to give me hope.

Scared. I was scared. I had done so well avoiding him.
Maddox was older, I met him at my summer job and thought he hung the stars, I was wrong. At first glance he was seemed perfect, attractive, strong, tall. Everything a foolishly naive girl like me would fall for.

"So let me be straight with you, what you did wasn't right. You walked away and I don't like that. Then I go to your school to surprise you and I see you with someone else. I know you still love me Steph, and Ill forgive you for ghosting me. What do you say."

I was scared, he came to my school. He saw me and Spencer. Shit. This was bad. It was chaos, it was mayhem. Fate was cruel.

"We broke up Maddox, I can be with who I want."

"See thats where you are wrong Steph, you wanted to break up, you didn't give me a chance. You're still mine and I don't want you seeing him anymore." He got close to my face. Running a finger down my cheek. I shuddered at his touch. "Scared Steph? Just think of what I'll do if you don't obey me."

I gulped. He laughed and blew a kiss before speeding off down the street. I hurriedly ran inside and locked the door. Crying. Crying so hard I started to choke and vomit. I was terrified and alone. I couldn't tell you. I just couldn't tell you. What would you say? What could be done? What would I do? I loved Spencer more than anything. How much was that though? Was it enough to keep him safe?

Shit. I punched the wall in my room. Cursing. I cried myself to sleep. I knew about my brother's stash, and I smoked. Crying to myself in the corner until my dad came home.

My vision was blurry as I walked up the stairs to my mom's apartment. For one of the last times. She was leaving soon, and I would be stuck with Maddox. He threatened Spencer. I knew he would keep it, I knew about his past, his friends. He would keep his word.

My mom cheerfully offered me a drink, blissfully unaware of my sorrow, she was on cloud 9 with Ted. She was happy, ignorantly happy. We drank and smoked on the porch. She kept talking about Ted and how amazing he was and how much she would miss me, her best friend. How she wishes I could come with her. I tell her IM going to miss her too, to make her feel better. Im going to miss her when shes like this but I'm also going to miss her the freedom living with her brings. "So how are you and Spencer"

"We're okay." I said truthfully. Not telling her anymore.

"Just okay? You too have done it yet have you? If you keep being a prude honey hes going to find someone who will. Trust me they all do. Someone like Spencer has options and trust me dear" she looked at me "you're not the best he can do." It hurt. She was drunk and tearing me down made her feel better about herself. I tried to push away her voice. I ignored her, nodding. She went on the tirade about it for a few more hours. Until I was visibly beaten by her words. She smiled and started talking about her and Ted again.

It was a long night, and it only seemed to get worse. Fate was cruel.

My life was dark, then the clouds started to part and let the sunshine in. Glimmering my life with hope. Now, my hope was quickly fading, the darkness in my began to take root once more. After she had gone to sleep. I grabbed my familiar knife and carved into my skin again. I hadn't thought I would use it again, not since Spencer was in my life. My life was chaos and I couldn't begin to darken his light with my thoughts and what I felt. It wasn't fair to him.

Demons spoke to me again, dirty, whore, unclean, stupid, not good enough, prude, stupid, cursed, unlovable. Maddox and my mom's voices laughed at me.

I sobbed in my bathroom. Quieting them out, one scar at a time. Until the darkness claimed me and my eyes shut. I slept on the bathroom floor. My life was chaos. Fate was cruel. I was stuck in the middle.