Echoes of the Heart

Loss

I dreaded going through my classes. Knowing the inevitable was going to happen.

I was headed to fourth period and I saw him talking this friend, she was nice to me. I knew they were just friends. I knew. I wasn't worried. It had to be now. I would end it, pretending to be jealous and then leave to Louisiana with my mom. I would suffer. He could be happy. I had to believe that.

He saw me. He smiled and gave me a kiss. Our last one. Had to be. His friend said bye and headed to class, telling us how cute we were together.

"Hey" he said smiling.

"Hi." I said trying to sound upset.

"Whats wrong."

"You two looked awfully cozy"

"Come on, we are just friends." He said trying to reassure me.  He grabbed my hand and I pulled away. I had to stay strong.  It was going to hurt.

I tried to imagine all the fucked up words I could. All the ones my mom had said to every guy when she ended relationships. I took a deep breath. "I feel like you're not making me a priority if you're spending time with her."

He looked at me confused. I caught him in surprise. He hadn't expected this. Not one bit. I felt terrible. My stomach was in knots.

"If you cant make me a priority. Then we're over."

He looked shocked but didn't say anything for a minute. "Are you sure."

"Im sure." I said trying to hold back the tears.

"Maybe we are better off friends." He said.
He stood there looking at me and then walked away.

I cried all the way to my class once he left. It hurt. It hurt that he didn't fight me, that he didn't seem to care. I wanted to scream I love you at him. I wanted to tell him everything. But Maddox' threat and my mother's words hung over me.

I wanted him to fight for me, for us. I wanted to ask him why he didn't fight for us, why he didn't care. I was drowning in self pity and sorrow. I loved him completely, though I never said. Even though I broke up with him, it still felt like a knife to my chest.