For All My Love And Rage |Originals AU

10. To Have Hope Is not a Crime (Freya)

A/N: Not my best chapter ever. Had a very hard time with it. Just PLEASE let me know if you'd want more chapters with Mikael talking to them Mikaelsons, apart from Klaus.

just COMMENT YES (if you want chapters like this one for Kol, Finn, Elijah etc.) or NO ( if you just want me to post Klaus' chapter with Mikael and get on with the rest of the story)

***

Mikael was just the way Freya remembered him from her childhood. He smelled of blood and a storm to come. His messy blonde hair falling over his face, and his bright dark-blue eyes staring at her, always alert and loving. She could see him so clearly: young, tired and happy, holding little Finn in his arms and singing for him to sleep. He was still the father she remembered; leaning on the kitchen counter, drinking whiskey. If she quieted the loud worried thoughts, the fear caging her in the present and the pain forcing her to remember the past, her years with Dahlia; maybe then Freya could pretend her dream was real, and all the rest, a lie. She could run to Mikael, hug him, knowing her family was safe and happy. The Mikael she remembered would never hurt his children.

The smell of alcohol, more than the modern kitchen, broke the spell, dragging Freya back to reality. Mikael never drank when she was a child. He also looked older than she remembered. He even looked older than the last time she saw him alive; which was impossible. Of course, he was a vampire, he couldn't age. Still, death had aged him somehow, and she would rather not think about what that could mean. Now, his eyes staring into the nothingness of his empty cup, Mikael looked just as tired as when he was young, and hunting all day to feed his family. But back then, he was happy. Being a father was all he ever wanted, all he ever dreamed; a sweet and forbidden dream he never thought he could achieve... Mikael never told Freya why he thought he couldn't be a father... Still, she could tell, even as a child, Mikael had hope at least.

Now he looked hopeless. His happiness an impossible dream, drowned in a misery Freya could not understand. His relived smiled didn't fool her. Mikael had a terrible secret eating away his soul, and he was determined to keep it from his children.

"You have nothing to fear from me," Mikael said slowly, watching her hesitate before entering the kitchen.

"I know." Freya forced a smile. It was the truth. He never scared her. But, even without knowing Mikael's secret, it frightened her. Anything that had such power over Mikael ought to be feared. "But my siblings are... wary... of you," she went on, matter-of-factually. "They doubt your intentions for helping us."

"I can't, and I don't, blame them for that...it's only natural, I suppose." He sighed, forcing an awkward smile. "I take no offense."

"If you could...explain... Your motives, intentions... Then, maybe, they would–."

"It won't make any difference," Mikael cut her off. "It's too late for explanations, motives and such things," he scoffed bitterly, lighting a cigarette. "They would never believe what I say. I can't fault them. I wouldn't believe me either, if I were in their place... And anyway, I'm not here to be believed, or forgiven. That's not why I've come here."

"But..." Freya mumbled, her mind racing to find an argument that could, maybe, convince him to tell her the truth. But the distant look in his eyes as he refilled his cup told her arguing and pleading would be useless. Mikael was ready to die on his stupid hill.

"Alright," she sighed, resigned. "You are here, for a reason...yet you refuse to tell me, is that it?" Freya held his gaze, not even hiding the annoyance in her voice.

Mikael shrugged, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, my dear girl. I just cannot give you the answers you seek. Not yet... It's not safe... Not yet."

"Can you at least tell me how you came back?" She asked, exasperated, leaning against the wall n defeat.