For All My Love And Rage |Originals AU

17. The Man He Used To be and The Dream They Want To Believe

Esther watched silently as each of her children had their heart felt conversations with Mikael. She and Ansel sat apart on a broken chair, in an empty room next to the kitchen.

Ansel and she had helped Mikael care for the children and their loved ones, making beds comfortable for them to sleep and heal. Esther had a spell on the room so the children could not see or hear them, but they could watch them.

"Will he tell us the truth?" Ansel said at last, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. "Don't we deserve some answers?"

"Did you see what Mikael's cooking?" Esther said quietly, keeping her voice calm. She could not bear to look at Ansel, without rage and sorrow blurring her vision.

"What? Why does that even matter?" Ansel scoffed, jumping up and glaring at the magical wall that allowed them to see in to kitchen and living room. His hateful gaze became soft, awed, when he saw Mikael preparing the food.

"That is still your favorite dish, isn't it?" Esther smiled, watching her husband. "He noticed you didn't touch any of the food he brought before..."

"He remembers..." Ansel swallowed, looking away, unable to keep watching Mikael. "But why... why would he even care?"

"I remember a time when Mikael cared... Cared so bloody much it almost killed him." Esther smiled, angry tears streaming down her face. "He cared... For us. You and me... And them..."

"That was—too long ago. He-he isn't the same. Hasn't been since--." Ansel shook his head, trying to hold back tears. "That man—our Mikael—he's dead, Esther. You and I, we killed him. We broke his heart, and we killed him..." he scoffed, drying his eyes angrily. "There's no point in wishing or begging... We cannot undo what we did. We can't take back our sins; he cannot take back his rage... we can never be whole again. We cannot be us ever again... There's no point in trying, Esther. Whatever you think you see, or want to see in him—or in me—it's not there. It's just a fantasy..."

"Maybe..." she scoffed, glaring at him. "But there is a chance. He could change, he could be himself again. Mikael could be the man we loved once again. We both know he could... I lost my faith in him once, Ansel. I stopped believing in him, in his love for me, for us, for the children... And look where that got us?" Esther chuckled bitterly.

"That's not—Mikael did not become what he is just because we stopped having faith in him..." He said, unsure of his own words. "Mikael's father—it was all his fault. He poisoned Mika; hurt him and broke him beyond repair. Then we—foolishly—thought we could help him heal..."

"Mikael did heal. We helped him escape the Hollow's cruelty and his father's brutality." Esther cut him off, glaring at Ansel. "Our—our transgression, our sin... It broke him... You said it yourself, Ansel. We broke his heart and forced him to bury the man he was, the man we both loved..." she said, crying quietly. "For all the pain, humiliation, the hours and hours of beatings and torture... Mikael's father could never break him. Not the way we could..."

Ansel, hiding his face in his hands, sank to the floor. "We paid for our mistakes, didn't we? With our lives... And even in death, with all this wretched guilt..."

"You think we don't deserve it? The guilt?"

"Of course we do!" He barked, glaring at her through clenched fists. "But, god!" Ansel cried, shaking his head, "Now, all of this—the food... The way he talked to us—with so much care—as if he was still-still... It's cruel, incredibly cruel, that's all. For Mikael to allow us—make us believe—he still loves us..." his voice died slowly, broken and sorrowful. "its just a cruel fantasy..."

"Yes... Perhaps it is only a fantasy, only a dream, a wish—the same old prayer I've said every night since Mikael began to change... But, if there is a chance, as small as it may be... I must—", she smiled. "I must try. You understand, don't you?"

He nodded, "I wish, I truly do, I wish I could do the same... He may yet forgive you. You could help your children, guide them to a better future.... But me?" Ansel laughed bitterly. "How could he forgive me? And-and even if he could... what-what future could any of us have together, after the betrayals, the rage, and so much pain..."

"Maybe there is no future, no hope for any of us..." Esther said, glancing at her children. She could watch them, moving about the apartment, sitting beside their loved ones, staring into nothing and crying. They were safe, at last. Broken, lost after so many years of sorrows and so many terrible truths. But they were safe. "Mikael kept his promise to our children. The one he made when they were born. To love, protect, and make sure they were happy..." she smiled, turning back to Ansel. "Mikael brought us back for a reason. He must have."

"To punish us, perhaps?" Ansel scoffed, drying his eyes. "So we can witness all the pain our mistakes have caused to everyone we ever loved..."

"Or maybe, so we could help him," Esther said, standing up, "So we can care for our children, truly care for them, in the right way... We could follow Mikael's footsteps, and — and—I don't know... Do something, Ani. Something good... Anything that could help our children be happy..."

"You... You truly think that's why Mikael brought us back to life?" Ansel stared at her, his mouth half open. "Niklaus, and Freya, they killed you and me. Klaus, at least, made it clear he did not care for me... Why would they ever want, or need, our help, now of all times?"

"I-I don't know," she confessed. "But, well, if Mikael—our Mikael is once again the man he used to be, then..." Esther smiled, tears warming her eyes. "If it's all just a fantasy, Ani, why not dream properly?" she turned to him, as if seeing Ansel for the first time. "Say, this is our second chance. We don't deserve it, but here we are... Why not just—do something good with it? Show our children we love them..."

"Protect them and make sure we love them?" He frowned, smiling softly. "I don't think the younger ones even remember me... The youngest, Henrik, I wasn't even there when he was born!" he shook his head, painful memories playing behind his eyes. "What reason do they have to trust or accept me? And you!" he scoffed. "The last two times you came back from the land of the dead, you tried to kill them, Esther. And your granddaughter. How could you possibly hope to help them when they have no reason to trust you?"

"We shall help them from afar," she said simply, her hand over her heart. "Mikael swooped in and saved them. We can do the same. Stay close, but out of sight. Helping them..."

"They would find out," Ansel said, moving closer to her, his hand over his chest, already half convinced. "And hate us for hiding from them."

"We won't hide then. We shall let them know we are alive, and nearby." Esther said, "As soon as things have settled..."

"You think he will stay too, don't you?"

"I hope he stays. God, I really hope Mikael stays." Esther giggled, drying her tears. "But then, I also hope he forgives us... And loves me again... Maybe it's just a fantasy. But does it matter if our children are free and happy?"

"No," Ansel nodded. "As long as they are safe... Besides," he glanced one last time at Mikael, bit his lip. "Dreaming never killed anyone, did it? There's no harm if two poor sinners have some hope for a better future..."

Esther took his hand into hers, and they swore an oath. To the Mikaelsons, to each other, and to the man they both loved, Mikael.