Dastaan Jo Likhun

Ch 3.2. All Aboard - PART II

_____ RECAP - PART I_______

Naira had hoped that he would join her here, when he eventually passed, but he never came. Not his fault. What could she expect ? Did anything ever go according to plan ?

"Ganga maiyya, use bhulane mein meri madad kariyega, please..." She prayed, because she would need all the assistance in the world to get over his memories...

Deviating from her own thoughts, she asked the same question to Akshara.

________________________________________________________________________________

"Kya teri life me tujhe kabhi aisa laga, ki tujhe jeene ki wajah milgayi ? Jeene ka maksad milgaya ho ? Jo tujhe chahiye tha wo milgaya ho ?"

Akshara hesitated. She had always feared answering this question whenever she had thought of it.

What was her purpose ?

What gave her life meaning ?

Who gave her life any meaning ?

Some things were better left unaddressed but this was needed to be out in the open.

"Haan. Bahut bar..." she sighed, continuing. "Mujhe meri life me kayin logon ke wajah se jeene ki wajah mili... par kabhi jo chahiye tha wo mujhe nahi mila..."

Her face contorted with sorrow, as she remembered.

"Aru [her sister]. Uske sath maine bahut saal apne bachpan ke guzaare... par kabhi uske man me apne liye pyar nahi bana payi... Sirat maa ke jane ke bad, hum bahut toot se gaye the mumma..." referring to the death of her mother, who she was blamed for, even though it was an accident.

It was always a hanging sword over their relationship. Failing to mend. It was only in the later years that she was able to get some semblance of comfort with her sister, but even that was short lived.

"Abhinav [her husband]. Jab mai bilkul bikhar chuki thi, tab unhone mujhe sambhala. Unke jaisa suljha hua insaan, bahut naseeb se milta hai..."

Her feelings for him, always in a shade of gray. He was her friend, confidant, a person she respected. Someone who bore her responsibility and her child's, even though he had no connection with them. She was thankful to 'Kanhaji' for saving them through him. 

But the guilt of never loving him enough ate at her. Her heart was walled up and only a few who could ever wiggle back in. He wasn't one of them.

"Abhir [her child]. Uske liye to jitna bolun kam hai... Meri jaan, meri zindagi... Meri jeene ki wajah, me-mere ... chale... ane ka... karan, sab wahi hai... tha," his death hitting her hard as stammered through her tears.

Remembering her son, her betu, was the hardest part of them all. Losing his precious smile, his laughter, his antics, would be harder to bear, if she parted with her memories...

'Mumma, I will always love you!' His last words aching her to her core.

How could she do that ?  'Will I be able to ?'

H̶i̶s̶ c̶h̶i̶l̶d̶, My child... that she lost... a fleeting hope after the roots of her comfort were being axed down by fate... and that woman, the biggest hypocrite on the face of this planet...