My Blood, Your Bones - Phan

Chapter 11 - It's Ok

Dan's POV

Why? Why the hell did I do that? I couldn't sleep that night. Phil wasn't going to like me. I was so weird, so awkward. Why did I kiss him of all things? Phil's a guy, first of all. God, I'm such a mess. I took out my razors and angrily marked my forearm, wiping the blood quickly. I looked at my wrist. I remembered the bracelet he gave me, and regretted it. He had just cleaned them for me too. I felt so strongly about him, in a positive way. I felt bad after.

~~~~~

The next morning, I rubbed my face clean. I felt terrible, only remembering last night. Phil came to my graduation, which was unexpected enough. Then he goes and gives me a freaking friendship bracelet. I wasn't thinking. The kiss was an accident. That's what I'll be sure to tell him. Right, I have to go back. I said I would. I sighed, worried about what to say. To get it over with, I arrived earlier in the morning.

Beth found me, and informed me that he was still asleep. I told her I would just wait, and I had something serious to talk about.

"Did you like the little celebration?" Beth asked, sitting down beside me.

"Yeah, it was really nice."

"Phil seemed a bit upset when you left. Everything ok?"

Upset? Oh no. "Yeah," I assured. "All fine."

She sighed. "I can't begin to thank you for all you've done, Dan. Phil's gained an unbelievable amount of weight in only a few weeks. I'm impressed. How do you do it?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I just... want him to."

"Well you're doing an outstanding job. Any thoughts about what you want for a career? Therapist, doctor, counselor, maybe?"

"Not really. I don't know," I said, knowing I hadn't thought so far ahead at all. "Beth, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Is Phil... really dying?"

She inhaled. "Dan, honestly, its difficult to say. Phil has been very weak, and his bones are quite brittle. If he doesn't get enough nutrition and gain enough weight in time... it doesn't look too good."

I nodded. I got it. "Isn't he gaining enough? Little by little?"

"Yes, but there is no guarantee he'll keep it. Phil is prone to excessive weight-loss. Once he gains it, he used to do everything he could to get it off. I worry for him."

"Me too." I cared about him. I didn't want him to die. "But he wont die, if he can keep it. Right?"

"It's been a long time, Dan. There is no knowing."

I looked down, imagining if he was gone. Phil woke up an hour or so later, and I wasn't let in for about ten minutes later. He insisted Beth let me in.

Phil looked tired still. His hair wasn't brushed down and his eyes were more tired than usual, and he wasn't yet dressed. He looked kinda cute in the morning. "Dan," he smiled. "Come in."

"Can we just talk?" I asked. "I'm really sorry about last night."

"Why?"

"Why? Because I... I kissed you. I didn't mean to. I swear, I wasn't thinking."

"Dan," he said contently. "It's ok."

"It isn't ok. I kissed you. Isn't that weird to you? I don't understand why you even want to talk to me after that."

He had me come and sit with him. "Why would that be weird?"

"B-because... I... you.... We're both guys."

"So?"

"You don't... care?"

"No. I'm pretty open minded."

"But I... you...."

Phil's POV

I could see Dan struggling to make out words. He seemed so nervous. I wanted to assure him that it was ok. I didn't mind. If anything... I liked it.

"Why would you kiss me?" I asked. "Don't you find me... kinda ugly? Being so thin and weak?"

"Of course not."

"You don't?"

"No, Phil. You're... you've always..." he muttered. "I'm sorry. I'm trying, but I'm so weird."

"You're not weird," I told him.

"I am."

"Just say what you were going to say."

"You aren't ugly, not a bit. You're beautiful just the way you are. I don't know why you think you need to be so skinny. It's not about your looks. I would like you the same way no matter what you looked like."

"You would like me in what way?"

He went dead silent. His cheeks dyed a lovely red shade. He looked like he just found out a secret. It seemed to be his own. I moved a bit closer, hoping he'd repeat last night. He looked scared, so I took his chin and tilted it towards my mouth and kissed him. He seemed tense, but began to relax. He moved his mouth to mine, and eventually closed his eyes too.

"Wow." he said after. "I-I didn't... you... wow."

I smiled at him. "It's ok," I repeated. Never had I felt so loved or cared about. Beth was great, but that was her job. My parents didn't care. I had no one to visit me. Dan kept returning. He wasn't entitled to, nor was he getting paid. He just kept helping me to get better. He did everything he could to help me. I owed him my life.

"So..." he smiled weakly. "W-what are we?"

"Whatever you want to be."

"O-ok."

I leaned in and kissed him again. Dan began to be more comfortable with it. I wanted him to like it. I hoped he understood what he's done for me. We stopped kissing after a while, and were just talking.

As expected, he brought it up. "Do you... want something for breakfast?"

I really did not, but I nodded. Beth brought us something to share, and we sat and ate together, sitting side by side versus across from each other.

"You're cute," Dan said out of nowhere.

"I am?"

"Yeah."

"You're handsome."

"No I'm not."

"Yeah you are." I kissed his nose, and he went red again. I giggled. "And sweet."