My Blood, Your Bones - Phan

Chapter 17 - Suicide

Dan's POV

I woke up too early. I had sat at the foot of my bed for an hour, twiddling my razor box in my hands. I originally wanted to go by hanging, but I had spent so much time with Phil that I never got the chance to get any rope.

I looked at my calendar. The date had a smudged red "X" across it that I had made a while back. I had put a picture of Mum beside it from when she was healthy, and still had her hair and once pretty face. I remembered when I put that "X" – it was the day I decided to take my life, many months back. The red was from my blood from when I cut too deeply.

I sighed. I didn't feel like leaving my room. I looked at my arms. They were still wrapped in Phil's bandages, nice and safe. I still wore his wrist band that he gave me. I looked up and around at the messy place. It smelled of dried blood and sweat. I went downstairs and grabbed a can of air freshener to spray the room. There was a horrible stench being excreted from my house's garage. I went to investigate.

There, I found the car – which had not been there for some time, my dad being out so often. The doors to the garage were closed shut, and the car was running. It smelled of exhaust and carbon monoxide. Inside the car sat a familiar person – my father.

"Dad?" I yelled. "Dad?!" I ran and jiggled the car door, but he had locked them. I found a hammer on the cement floor of the garage and slammed the window, shattering it. I turned off the car and slapped him across the face. "Wake up, stupid!" I screamed at him, coughing up the gasses. "You can kill yourself like that! What are you doing?!" I shook him hard, but he didn't respond. I slapped him harder. "Wake up, you bastard!" I placed my fingers on his wrist, then his neck. No pulse from either. I couldn't believe it. He had killed himself.

"Dad," I said weakly. "Wake up, you bastard. Why would you do...." I cried, unable to finish the words. I looked around, and sure enough, I found a note, addressed to me:

"June 13th

Daniel,

I would like to apologize for a lot of things: going out drinking, hooking up with strangers, doing illegal things.... But most of all, I want to apologize to you. You are my only son. I should have never treated you the way I did. There is no forgiveness for me. This is the day your mother died, one year later. I know you know that. I loved her so much, and I know you did too. I'm sorry for leaving you as well, but I cannot take it anymore. I cant live any longer with these regrets, or with a son who has every right to shamevme. I do care about you, but I understand if you don't believe me. Please don't be like me, son. You're a smart boy. You can do a lot better than me. When you find the right person, I know you'll understand. Please, please, my boy, take care of yourself. Again, I'm sorry.

~Your very, very weak father"

I crumpled the note and cried out. How could he do that to me? I thought. Is that what Mum wanted?

"Well?!" I screamed. "Is it?!"

I ran up to my room, leaving him down there to rot in his gas chamber. I cried into my knees while scooted back into the corner. I cried for her, not for him. Then I cried for myself. I screamed out with no one to hear. I tore angrily at the bandages, but didn't break them. I scratched wildly, unable to control myself. I raged on until I fell asleep on the floor, covered in an angry sweat and bitter tears.

Phil's POV

"Let me go!" I yelled. "Please!" I was crying, tears racing down my red face and chin.

"Phil, you cannot go!"

"Beth, you cant do this to me! Let me go find him! Please, please Beth!"