Meant To Be

Chapter ten - Portstewart, Co Antrim, Northern Ireland

"Do ye not think you should give it a bit more time, let the dust settle?"

Ronnie and Lucy were drinking coffee on Portstewart strand. It was a Saturday morning and early strollers with prams or dogs or both, dribbled by as the sea gulls quaked flying overhead.

"What's the point in doing that? I've already got leave sorted and a place to stay." Ronnie watched Lucy take the lid off her paper cup. She scraped the inside with her red fingernails trying to get all the foam. "I have thought about it Luc."

"Did you tell your Da?"

"I rung him last night," said Ronnie, pushing a strand of lose hair back behind her ear. The wind was coming and going, unable to make its mind up.

"And?"

"He said it would do me the world of good."

"Course he did."

Ronnie tutted. "Don't be like that." Lucy looked at her apologetically. "It's not going to be forever. I just need some head space and I can't get that here when I'm still living in the house and even with work."

"Look," Lucy sighed. "I do get it. I'm just being selfish. I don't want you to leave me never mind go the whole way to Nashville without me."

"Be grateful you're not having a midlife crisis."

Lucy's laugh was tinted with sarcasm. "God, do you mind the craic we had over there?" She peeped in at little Ally in the pram. She was fast asleep, cosy in her pink onesie. Her red hair peeping out from underneath the hood. "What do you call that bar we always went to? The one on the main strip?"

"Ah..." Ronnie turned her head out to sea. A group of surfers were walking across the yellow sand with their boards tucked under arm, chatting, smiling at one another. "Robert's Western Wo-" Ronnie's voice gave way. She tried to finish, but the word jammed in the back of her throat.

"Awk Ronnie, babes." Lucy stretched her hand across the table, rubbing Ronnie's arm.

"I'm ok," she croaked, her eyes fattened with tears.

"Don't lie to me. You've been putting on a brave face since that shithead left. You haven't said one bad word about him."

"Lucy."

"I'm serious Ron, the man is a wanker."

"But he's not! You love him. Mammy loved him. Everyone did." Lucy got up. She draped her arms over Ronnie's shoulders cuddling her from behind. "I know I should've been more honest but...," Ronnie gulped in between sobs, "How could he do that to me? I didn't want a baby so that meant I was no good to him anymore? He just threw me away like I was a piece of shit and then went and got some other doll up the duff instead? Like who the fuck is Hayley anyway?" Ronnie buried her head in her hands. Lucy moved, crouching down on her knees in front of her. She played with Ronnie's hair, listening to her heartbreak spill. "If I wasn't able to have weanes would he have done the same thing? Like I mighten be able to have weanes, I don't even know!"

Lucy wiped Ronnie's cheeks. "You listen to me Ronnie. I fucking hate Patrick for what he's done to you. And he is a wanker. He's the biggest wanker I know for doing this to the person I love most in the whole world."

"After Ally you mean." Ronnie spluttered a sad laugh. Lucy encouraged it. "You two are on par." The two women gazed at each other, their smiles fading. "I know this probably won't bring much comfort now but I'm gonna say it anyway because it's true, you are and always will be Patrick's biggest loss Ronnie, and you never need to do anything you don't want to for anyone. Especially having a fucking baby. You're perfect, and you're plentiful just the way you are. Please don't ever forget that." Ronnie opened her arms wide. Lucy climbed onto her lap. "I love you so much Ronnie." Lucy kissed her forehead.

"I love you more."

Ronnie and Lucy ordered another coffee and brownies. Ronnie was nursing Ally, her eyes big and bright as she cooed all sorts of cheerful, meaningless things to her. Afterwards, Ronnie gave her a bottle until she fell asleep and slipped her back into her pram.

"So in all seriousness," said Lucy.

"What?"

"Why do you wanna go back to Nashville? Would it not be better to go somewhere closer to home? What about somewhere down south? Don't you have cousins in Dublin?"

"I'm not going to Nashville. I'm renting a little house in the country. But Nashville isn't too far away. Only an hour or so." Ronnie paused, thinking it over for the millionth time. "I guess I want a bit of familiarity too."

"So go to Dublin!"

"I don't want that that much familiarity."

"You're hard work." Lucy leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "When's your flight."

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow!?"

"Tomorrow," Ronnie repeated.

"Flip sake Ronnie."

"If I think too much I won't go."

"Then think too much!"

Ronnie pulled a face.

"So that's why you wanted to come here this morning?"

"Well I couldn't leave without saying bye, and you have that party thing tonight."

"You're gonna get me all tears and snotters now."

"Huh. You must have a short memory."

Lucy laughed but her face eclipsed with sadness.

"Lucy."

"Sorry, I can't help it. And I won't hug you again. I know you hate goodbyes of any kind."

"You're always my exception." The two women got up from their seats and held each other tight. Passers-by couldn't help but nod and smile as seagulls cawed flying low. Ronnie squeezed Lucy tighter.

"You will be ok you know," said Lucy, as she pulled back to see Ronnie's face.

"Aye I know." Ronnie dropped her head onto Lucy's shoulder. "I wish we had of got married."

"Sorry hun, but I don't think I could cope with you grinding your teeth every night."

"Ha ha. I've got a gumshield for that now."

Lucy grinned. The two women walked across the strand with Ally in the pram on the way back to the car park, still holding tight to one another.