Meant To Be

Chapter thirty-six

Ronnie dropped the potatoes into the pan, watching Patrick's quick hands work the knife as he chopped the carrots into long thin strips. "You finished gawking yet?" His smile was kind.

"Don't kid yourself." Ronnie opened the cupboard beneath her waist and lifted out a smaller pan. She set it beside Patrick's hand on the far side of the sink. "Throw them in that."

Patrick did as he was told. Ronnie emptied the boiling water over the potatoes and refilled the kettle, putting it back on to boil. When she moved across the way, Patrick pushed the plug into the sink hole and turned on the tap again, adding fairy liquid. Drowning the chopping board and knife under the suds, he washed them longer than necessary.

Ronnie switched on the old gas cooker. A quick burst of flames spat up at her.

"Do ye have a drying cloth in this place?" asked Patrick. Ronnie pointed to the table.

Patrick dried the dishes and put them away, conscious that he was being watched. He tried to catch Ronnie's eye, but she ducked her gaze when he looked in her direction. "I know you wanna ask me."

"You seem very sure about that." Ronnie set the potato pan on the cooker. She emptied the kettle, the carrots rising, floating in the hot water, and put them on to cook too. "What makes you think it's going to do either of us any good?"

"I don't." Patrick slung the drying cloth over his shoulder. The colour clashing with his t-shirt. "Hayley worked with me."

"How cliché." Ronnie lifted the sponge and began wiping the worktop, gathering the bits of orange carrot peel into a pile. Patrick moved out of her way.

"She was never pregnant."

Ronnie lifted her head. Patrick's Adam's Apple bobbled as he swallowed. Fear scouring his face like a disease. "What did you just say?"

"Hayley was never pregnant."

Ronnie drew back. Her mouth unhinged, struggling to absorb the meaning of his words. "You lied to me? Why would you do that?"

Patrick ran his hand down over the back of his head, holding his neck. "I was so tired and fed-up Ronnie. And I knew when it came down to it, I would always choose you."

"Are you still with Hayley?"

"I ended it after you left."

Ronnie's tongue pushed against the back of her teeth. Nausea twisting her gut. "I made an appointment, at a fertility clinic." Her heart was suddenly rampant. She could barely hear herself speak. "You kept going on about time like I was fucking unaware of my own body."

"That's not what I thought."

Ronnie pulled her lips from inside her mouth, threading them out through her teeth. "I booked it that morning. I did it as I sat outside the house in the jeep while you were waiting inside with your bag packed, ready to go." Ronnie wiped the carrot peelings into her hands and dropped them into the bin.

"I didn't have the affair because I wasn't in love with you," said Patrick, trying to keep his voice strong.

"I don't think it matters now why you did it."

"If I hadn't had the affair, would you have told me about the fertility clinic?"

"I didn't make the appointment for the craic."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I was going to tell you after I got the results back."

"And what would have happened then?"