Standby (A One Direction Fanfiction)

Chapter 2- Searching for a Life Line

I almost left the mall in a hurry to get home and away from this nightmare, but I realized that I still needed to get a few things for my friends, so I pivoted on my heels and turned to go to a small shop on the other side of the mall. "I guess I'll start with Rachael."

Rachael had been a good friend of mine for a few years now. We're not close but I hang out with her sometimes if I needed to get my mind off things. I decided a year ago that before I died I would buy everyone who was close to me something they've wanted, but never got. I worked two jobs for a year to get enough money to pay for them all. It was kind of a way to say I was sorry, or to give them something to remember me by, if they even wanted to. I mean the few people that are close to me will probably hate me for what I'm going to do. They'll be mad because I lied. I told them I was fine, that I was just tired. I told them that every single day. They'll think I was just being weak, that I didn't care for them enough to stay, but in reality I truly love them, I just can't keep going. Every day has been a struggle. Sure, sometimes they can get me to smile or even laugh, but it just doesn't last. And I care for them so much, just I know deep down that they'd better off if I wasn't there to drag them down. I don't want to be a burden.

I walked into a small craft shop and purchased a silver bracelet that had a small blue diamond charm that hung from it. Rachael has wanted this bracelet for so long now because it was almost a replica of her mother's. Her mom passed away seven years ago and was buried with the bracelet on. Ever since, Rachael has been looking for something like it, just so she can feel some connection, but has never had enough money. So I figured this would be perfect.

Niall's POV

I saw her scars. They almost filled all the way up her arm, and God, they looked so painful. She noticed that I saw them and dropped the orange envelope onto the desk and rushed away, not even bothering to grab her stuff that we signed. This wasn't the first time that I saw a fan with scars, but it was the first time that a fan reacted like she did. Usually they would blush, like they were embarrassed, or they would cry. One person even showed me all of hers like it was show-and-tell, almost as if she did it on purpose to get attention. But this girl just took off. I also noticed that she was really quiet while going through the line, polite as well. And she was quite beautiful, not even wearing much makeup. My mind was on her the rest of the signing. I really wanted to know what was in the envelope.

Once the signing was finished, I grabbed the envelope from the boxes of gifts behind the table we were sat at before we were ushered to the car. When we got in, I took the back seat so the other boys wouldn't bother me. I pulled the envelope from my pocket. The front said "To: Niall" in a nice cursive handwriting. I slid my finger underneath the flap and ripped the envelope cleanly open. Inside there were two pages of lined paper with the same cursive writing on it. I checked to see if the other boys were paying attention. Liam was on his phone, probably texting Danielle like he always does, Harry and Louis were talking, and Zayn was listening to music and looking out the window. I took a deep breath and read the letter.

Dear Niall,

I'm Molly, I'm seventeen years old, and this is the last letter I will ever write, my last chance to tell my story. I'm going to sound like every other fan, because I'm sure every other fan tells you that you're perfect, that they love your music, and thank you for saving their life. And maybe I am wrong, but I don't think you really believe them. I don't think that you know just how perfect you truly are, or how many lives you've really saved.

You've saved my life though and I don't mean to sound depressing, but I've never told anyone about my story, and I needed to tell someone before I was gone.

A few years ago, my life turned up-side-down. I started hating waking up every day, I would go to bed and just hope that maybe I wouldn't have to wake up in the morning. I lost almost all feeling, and every day seemed like I was just going through the motions. School was the hardest. I wasn't necessarily bullied, but there were little things that people would say or do that made it clear they didn't like me, or didn't want me around. I tried to be friendly, I tried to talk to new people but I'm so shy that it didn't help. Many of the people I tried to talk to had heard rumors about me so they would ignore me, and that was almost worse than being made fun of.

I don't know what I did for anyone to hate me. I tried to please everyone, to give everyone as many chances as they deserved. But somehow I never did enough.

I started cutting when I was twelve. It was the only way I could feel. Everything else was numb, physically and mentally, and the pain was the only thing that let me know I was still alive. Nobody has seen my cuts since I always wore long sleeves or sweatshirts. I never went to the school dances, not even prom, because I didn't want people to see my cuts, my weaknesses. I stopped cutting in 2010 though, after I saw the season of X-Factor that you guys were on. I don't know why, exactly, but you guys were able to get me out of my bad days for a while. Especially you. For some reason you're laugh always brought me out of it. And just your personality in general, always positive, would rub off on me for a few days.

But things don't last forever. I kept getting worst and so now, I'm writing this letter. It just touches the surface on my story, there's so much more to say, but some things are meant to be kept hidden.

Niall, please stay who you are, never change for someone else, only change if it is what you want to do. Don't let people get you down like I did. It's hard to get back up once you're down, trust me I have been trying to get up for five years, and I'm ready to quit. Please don't think that I was weak, I tried to keep going, I really did, but it's just too much. It's my time and I can feel it, and please don't worry about me, by the time you read this, I'll already be gone.

Love, Molly Warren

I dropped the note onto my lap and realized that tears were streaming down my face. Her words were echoing throughout my head, "by the time you read this, I'll already be gone." No...no she can't already be gone, it's only been a few hour since I've seen her. So many emotions were going through my head. My heart felt like someone was trying to rip it out of my chest. I didn't even know this girl, but I felt protective, I hated everyone who has made her feel like that, who has made her hate herself so much that she would kill herself. Nobody deserved that, much less her. She was beautiful, and from the note, I feel like she would be the nicest person. I closed my eyes for a moment and brushed my tears away with my t-shirt. Her face flashed in front of me, her piercing green eyes, and small freckles across her cheeks.

I opened my eyes to see Liam looking at me with a worried look. "What's wrong Niall?" he asked.

"I... I think this girl's dead, I just saw her but now she might be dead." My voice cracked, and almost came out as a whisper. Liam gave a confused look, and grabbed the letter off my lap. He read the paper and his eyebrows scrunched together. Once he was done he looked up at me, "give me your phone." I reached into my pocket and handed it to him. He typed something in it. "Liam, this isn't the time to change my phone settings-"

"Here" he said thrusting the phone in my face. He had Googled her name and there were multiple results of people with the name Molly Warren. I looked though each site, hands shaking, until I finally found her twitter account. There was a picture of her, she was looking at sunset, tilting her face into the light like she was absorbing the last few minutes of daytime. Her hair was caught blowing in the wind, her eyes were closed and a smile danced at the edge of her lips. She looked peaceful, happy, beautiful and full of life. How could she be so broken inside and yet look so perfect on the outside?

I checked her tweets, the last thing she tweeted was from yesterday and it was a video of Birdy's version of "Skinny Love". I scrolled through some of her older tweets and noticed that she tweeted one other girl quite a lot. They must be friends. I followed Molly, then quickly sent her a DM. I waited for a few moments. No reply. Then I sent another. I waited for a few minutes, and again, there was nothing. My heart quickened, realizing that maybe she really is gone. I then clicked on her friend's profile and followed her, then sent a DM to her asking if she had talked to Molly today. She instantly replied, "Oh My Gosh did she give you my username?!?! I can't believe you follow me! And no I haven't heard from her since last night, why do you need to know??" She sounded offended, or jealous, that I was asking about Molly. I quickly sent her a reply, "Just please try to get ahold of her, I need to talk to her". The message sent, and she quickly replied back "alright, I'll message her".