WARNING: this chapter contains parts of self harm and other possible triggers, please take care and enjoy:)
Molly’s P.O.V.
I got home from the mall an hour ago. I threw the bags of gifts into the corner of my small room as I let a scream as loud as my voice could bare, I screamed until I felt like my throat was being torn out. My bag dropped to the ground, I tore off my jacket and whipped it at the wall, it caught onto a shelf and the shelf collapsed, knocking all the picture frames off and shattering them on the floor. Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t stop them. I can never stop once I get into these moods, and it sucks because the smallest things can trigger them. But this time was the last time. I’m done feeling like this, like I’m alone, nobody cares about me. Nobody even knows I exist.
You’re just a burden to everyone
They hate you, why do you keep trying to talk to them
They want you to leave
They want you to die
Just kill yourself
The voices. They came out of nowhere, but they were taking over my mind.
“Stop it,” I whispered. I collapsed to the ground and pushed myself to the corner, then pulled my knees to my chest and covered my ears with my hands.
You’ve planned it for over a year
Why can’t you just die already
You’re so weak
You can’t even do one thing right
You can’t even kill yourself
I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my hands over my ears as hard as I could, trying to block them out even though I knew they were from inside.
Just do it
Do one thing right for once
Just kill yourself
“Please,” my voice came out small, raspy, almost inaudible. I wanted to die, but not like this. I wanted to be thinking straight when I decided, and not having these voices decide for me. But God, they were so loud. And they were right.
I let out a sob, my body was shaking and my cheeks were burning from all the tears.
Do it.
Now.
Kill yourself.
I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts anymore, the voices seemed to have drowned them out, they were shouting at me, taking over my mind.
Maybe I am thinking straight. Everything they’ve said is true, they were right. I should just die. I need to. It’ll be better for everyone.
I slowly opened my eyes and stood up. My body felt numb, but it ached, like I just ran 10 miles at a full sprint.
In the center of the room, my phone beeped signaling a new message. I ignored it, nothing is important now. I moved to the bathroom where I searched through my bottom drawer of the sink and found my little box. I opened it up and found my razor. The cold steel felt familiar between my fingertips. Again, I heard my phone beep. Not now, I thought. I happened to glance up into the mirror. I looked like a wreck. My hair was tangled, and my makeup was smeared down my cheeks. My green eyes were now dark and glazed over, I could hardly recognize them.
My phone kept beeping over and over.
“WHAT!?” I screamed and went to grab my phone. It showed six missed messages, a missed call, and a ton of twitter notifications. “What is going on?” I mumbled and sniffed, I checked my messages first, they were all from Rachael.
“MOLLY I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.”
“ANSWER ME IT’S IMPORTANT”
“HELLLLOOOO?”
“ANSWER YOUR PHONE DARLING”
“IT’S ABOUT NIALL”
“CHECK YOUR TWITTER”
Jesus, that girl always types in caps. I wanted to ignore her messages, I don’t need this right now, I just need to be alone. But what’s happened with Niall?
I opened twitter on my phone. My mentions were going crazy, I gain over fifty followers and people were messaging me saying ‘congrats on the Niall follow!’ Wait. He followed me? I went back to my profile page and saw that I had two DM’s. I clicked on them and what do you know. They were from Niall Horan.
Why would he want to talk to you?
You’re nothing
He probably hopes you’re dead too
The voices were whispering in my ear as I tapped to see the messages.
“Molly, hun, are you doin’ alright?”
“I’ve read your letter, please tell me you’re okay, you don’t deserve this.”
You don’t deserve this. He cares. Somebody actually cares, and just like that I felt my thoughts to begin to come back. I felt like the voices were slowly being muffled, but the last thing I heard them say was
He’s just going to hurt you.
He doesn’t really care.
You’re a joke to him.
An experiment.
A tear fell down my cheek. I didn’t know if it was from all the sadness and the possibility that they were right yet again, or if it was because I might have just caught a glimpse of hope. I dropped the blade, not realizing that I was holding it the whole time, and it clattered to the wooden floor sending echoes across the room.
I sent him a message back.
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Hi guys! So I've decided that I was going to start doing the notes at the end, because i really do want to know what you guys think!:) Do you like it? And do you want more of a Niall POV or Molly's POV? I know I'm terrible at updating but shool is almost over so I'll be updating a lot more often!
Also if you have any ideas for what you want to happen next, or any ideas you want me to throw in let me know:) And I might be starting a new story, but I'm going to make sure i have the first few chapters done before i start posting them so itll be easier to update.
(ps. The bolded is when her voices are speaking, in case that confused you.)
Anyways! I would love to hear what you thought! and please Comment and Vote if you can:) Thanks for reading!!
-Sawyer
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Standby (A One Direction Fanfiction)
Fanfiction"I'm Molly. I'm seventeen, and this will be my last letter I will ever write. My last chance to tell my story." It all starts with a letter. A mistake. And the perfect stranger. Niall Horan thought it was going to be just another signing. But whe...
